A Day at the Races Page #5

---

he's got yellow fever.

- He's got ingrown balloons.

- He has, huh?

Well, we'll soon find out.

- Hold that till I get a rock.

- He's got a blister on his tongue.

- Is that what it is?

- I think he's a Ubangi.

Well, I'll get the hammer

and "Ubangi" that right off.

I had a case like that once in Dsseldorf

many years ago, and...

Say, it's grown considerably,

hasn't it, huh?

- What's that hairy fungus all over it?

- Some fungus, eh, doc?

Not a great deal, no.

- Well...

- You're making a mistake. That's his head.

If that's his head,

he's making a mistake, not me.

I can't do anything for him.

That's a case for Frank Buck.

Put him in the room

till Frank Buck gets here.

Fine. Shall we say a 50-buck room,

or would you prefer something better?

- We'll take something better.

- That's nice.

- But we'll talk about the money tomorrow.

- Oh, no. Money on the line, or out you go.

"To Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush,

for saving my horse. "

- Come here with that watch.

- You, a horse doctor?

- A little easy with that talk.

- A horse doctor.

- Don't mention that word around here.

- Hey, that's terrible.

I'm gonna tell Miss Judy quick.

No. That's no good.

Miss Judy, she's depending on you.

A horse doctor.

Now, listen, boys, I admit it.

You've caught me with my coat down.

- Well, it's been nice knowing you.

- Oh, no, you don't. Oh, no.

Let's get together.

I'm open to any kind of proposition.

All right, you stick on this job.

You make Mrs. Upjohn happy,

or we're gonna have you thrown in jail.

Well, that doesn't leave me

much choice, does it?

Nobody must know

you're a horse doctor.

You make one false move,

and we fix you good.

I hate to admit it,

but I haven't got a leg to stand on.

Now, let's...

Hey, wait a minute!

- Bring that over here.

- There it goes.

- No, whip it around the other way.

- You keep quiet.

- We know what we're doing.

- Okay.

Say, I thought I wasn't

gonna be able to walk again.

- I got it too.

- It's fine now.

Stuffy, I got it. Come on.

1:
44. That's bad.

You think that's bad?

I know something worse than that.

- Did Stuffy tell you?

- Tell me what?

- Hackenapuss, he's a horse doctor.

- What?

- Sure. Here, ask Stuffy.

- A horse doctor?

- Does anyone else know about this?

- Only Hackenapuss, and he won't talk.

It's bound to get out sooner or later.

There must be something

we can do to help Judy.

Yes. Hi Hat, you gotta win the race

and make us plenty of money.

Stuffy's right.

Hi Hat's too hungry to run.

I'm gonna get paid extra for singing

at the water carnival tonight.

That's fine. You sing,

I sell some more books...

...and Stuffy, he's gonna

put Hi Hat to bed.

I've gotta go to rehearsal.

See you later.

- All right. Good luck.

- Hey, you!

Hello, sheriff.

I told you not to take this horse out

till I got the rest of my dough.

We didn't take him out.

He walked out, we followed.

I warned you.

Now I'm taking the nag.

Hey, you can't take that horse. How will

we win money to pay the feed bill?

That don't mean a thing to me. I'm gonna

put him where nobody will take him out.

He couldn't get you,

so he took six other girls.

Isn't it beautiful?

It's the prettiest number

I've ever seen.

Oh, Hugo, it's so impress...

Now what?

The idea!

Oh, now, Judy, wait a minute.

I want to talk to you.

You can't depend on Hackenbush.

Mrs. Upjohn is perfectly satisfied with

Dr. Hackenbush, and that's what matters.

In fact, she may take over

the notes tomorrow.

I guess everything's all right.

Nothing to worry about?

No, not a thing,

except that horse of yours.

Wait. That horse is all right.

He's in the pink.

Why, today he ran the mile in 1:36.

That horse is going places.

Oh, that's wonderful.

I wish you luck.

- Thanks. I'm sorry I bothered you.

- It's all right.

Now, Judy, I'm the biggest liar

in seven states.

He isn't all right,

he isn't in the pink...

...and it was 1:
44 instead of 1:36...

...and the only place he'll go

is where the sheriff takes him.

You can't possibly mean Hi Hat.

Well, there's only one horse

in my stable.

Come on, let me have the rest of it.

The only thing I'm going

to say is this, Gil:

Don't ever let a horse

come between us again.

She loves him.

Everything is going to be

all right now.

Change your partners.

- Hugo, I am surprised at you.

- Oh, you didn't know I could rumba?

Change your partners.

How would you like me

to dance away from you?

I'd be satisfied if you'd dance

off my feet.

I'm disappointed. To think of your dancing

with that strange woman.

Well, don't think of it.

Think of me dancing with you.

I'm crazy about you.

Nothing will ever

come between us again.

You don't know

how lonely I get at night...

...in my little room at the sanitarium.

Room 412.

Perhaps I could come in

and say good night to you.

Yes. We could have a midnight snack,

nice little steak between us.

Why, Hugo!

You'd stay up until midnight.

That's how you follow doctor's orders.

You know you're supposed to be in bed

by 10:
00. 12:00. 10:00.

Listen, we mustn't have

any disturbance here tonight.

All right. I can wait.

Well, it's in the bag. I have a date

with him in his room at 12.

Nice going. See that you stay there

till I break in with Mrs. Upjohn.

I want Hackenbush fired

out of the sanitarium tonight.

Don't worry.

When you knock on the door...

...I'll have that moth-eaten Romeo

playing the balcony scene.

I got you. I got you. L...

You're spoiling my game.

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

Buffalo Bill?

Buffalo Bill goes ice-skating?

Oh, Hackenbush!

Oh, what's the matter with him?

Dr. Hackenbush.

He's got a snake?

No.

He's got apple dumpling?

Dr. Hackenbush...

...he's got apple dumpling.

No apple dumpling.

No, it's no apple dumpling. No.

No.

Oh, it's a woman! A woman.

Oh, I get it.

Oh, there's a woman.

Yeah. Smart, eh?

Dr. Hackenbush...

...there's a woman...

...she got a wooden leg?

No?

She got a woodpecker?

She got a headache?

Dr. Hackenbush...

...there's a woman...

...she knock on the door!

She knock on the door!

All right. All right.

Dr. Hackenbush, there's a woman,

she knock on the door...

You're crazy!

You make me sick.

What's the matter now?

Oh, she's going to frame him!

Oh, come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.

- Who is it?

- It's Miss Marlowe.

Just a moment, fruitcake.

Yes?

Oh, doctor.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Do you like gardenias?

- I adore them.

- How did you know?

- I didn't, so I got you forget-me-nots.

One whiff of this,

and you'll forget everything.

Won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Oh, do you mind?

Not at all. I always take the wrap.

You are such a charming host.

The Hackenbushes, we're all like that.

- How about a short beer?

- Nothing, thank you.

Thank you.

Miss Marlowe, I've dreamed

of this moment ever since I met you.

For days, I've been trying to see you...

...and I still don't seem

to be able to make the grade.

A quiet evening alone with you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes