A Dirty Shame Page #3

You put your backside in

and you shake it all about

You do the Hokey-Pokey

and you turn yourself around...

Ooh!

You do the Hokey-Pokey

You do the Hokey-Pokey...

That's what it's all about.

Sylvia!

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Taxi! Taxi!

Ray Ray's service center,

Yes, ma'am.

Uhh.

Hey, lady, you can't

change your clothes in here.

- Why not?

- 'Cause l said so.

Want some fun?

What are you doing?

- Can l get up front?

- No, you can't.

- You can leave the meter running.

- Stay in the back.

- Oh, come on, l want some action.

- Get off me, lady.

Hey-- you can't do

that stuff in here.

- Get out!

- This cab free?

Sure is, tiger.

Hey, hey, hey!

Jeez!

Go! What the hell

was that?

Oh.

- Mommy told me something...

- Traitor!

That's right,

spread the word.

You bet, Big Ethel.

Here, put the pink ones

on the cars.

Put the yellows

on the houses.

Put that

on the windshield.

And don't stop till you get to the end

of the block.

He will never

ever leave you if your heart...

- Who is it?

- lt's Big Ethel.

We're having

a decency rally--

You better start

in your own backyard then.

l heard your daughter Sylvia

picked up a bottle

with her cooter

in the old folks' home.

She what?

That's not true.

My daughter is a good girl.

She hates sex.

What is she talking about,

that b*tch?

Hello?

Ray Ray?

lt's me, Sylvia.

And l need full service.

l knew you'd find us,

Sylvia.

Don't be afraid. We've all had

accidental concussions just like you.

- You have?

- Yeah.

Mine was from the faulty hood

of a customer's car

that collapsed on my head

while l was changing the oil.

And now l guide other

head-injury sufferers

to the final dawn

of sexual awakening.

- You've been sent to help us.

- l have?

We're all sex addicts

and we have been waiting for you.

- But why?

- Because you can lead us

to an erotic orgasm

we've never experienced.

l can't.

l promise you l can't.

l'm Loose Linda.

l f***ed the entire

Harford Road Police Department.

lt's nice to meet you,

Loose Linda.

Until you've hit your head,

you can never really feel

the power you get from sex.

My name is Paw Paw.

l'm on ''bush patrol.''

l hope we can

have sex one day.

l'd like that, Sylvia.

l knew you'd come.

You're number 12.

- Number 12 what?

- All in good time.

Dave, is that you?

We call him Dingy Dave

and he's number three.

Don't worry, Mrs. Stickles,

you'll understand soon.

Dingy Dave is lucky.

He's into mysophilia.

lt's a sexual attraction to dirt.

He thought it was new.

But it wasn't.

Dirt worship's been around long

before my accident.

l just didn't know.

Ray Ray

has helped me understand

my hypersexuality.

And he cured me

of my herpes.

Like a miracle.

Oh, no, no, no,

no, no.

We don't say the ''m'' word

around here.

- Oh.

- Mrs. Stickles?

May l, uh, be

your vacuum cleaner?

Well, l'm new to this,

but l'll try.

Oh!

Oh!

lt's like Noah's ark

around here.

There is one

of every perversion.

But, alas, it's all

been done.

Brace yourself, Sylvia.

Got company!

Officer Alvin!

l'm an adult baby, Sylvia.

You want to be my mommy?

Adult babies are into

age regression.

They intensely eroticize

being infants.

And sometimes they like

to be burped.

l'm a big boy and

l'm beyond the law.

Bouncy, bouncy,

bouncy...

As you grow to embrace

your concussion,

you'll learn to accept

anything sexual

as long as it's safe,

consensual and doesn't harm others.

You wanna powder

my chafed butt?

Uh, l would,

but l'm supposed

to help Ray Ray think up a new sex act.

Maybe later.

Da-da...

Number five,

six and seven.

You may know us

as neighbors, Sylvia,

but in this world,

we're into human sandwiches.

One day, we hope

you'll be our ''lettuce.''

- You know about my Priority Penis.

- Oof! Ow!

l never thought

it would be you.

Come on and meet

the ''Three Bears.''

We're husky, we're hairy,

we're homosexual

and out of

the second closet.

And we can cuddle

all night.

Yeah, hunting for some grizz-sm...

Ever hear

of sploshing?

l only had my concussion

this morning.

lt's okay.

lt's an English fetish.

Sploshing is

the erotic urge

to dump food

in your private area.

Oh-ooh!

l'm Messy Melinda

and our bushes

will burn together.

And of course you know

of Fat F*** Frank.

Mrs. Stickles, go home

and free your daughter.

She's one of us

and needs to be here now.

l'm number 11.

Number 11?

Oh, my God!

l'm the 12th apostle?

- Yes, shh.

- Say it proud.

lf you say it out loud,

you might disappear.

No, no, no, l'm just

Sylvia Stickles.

l'm a horny woman

with a head injury. l can--

l know you are and we're

gonna do something about that.

Ray Ray

is a sex saint,

- and he's got powers.

- Amen to that.

l've got a hard-on

of gold,

and my tongue

is on fire.

Oh, and l've got

hot pants, Ray Ray.

We're all in heat.

And as you know, Sylvia

is a cunnilingus bottom.

Yes, she is.

Who wants

to eat her out?

Let's go sexing!

Yeah!

Jesus Christ,

how many houses do l gotta go to?

Who is it?

lt's Big Ethel

from up the Park-and-Pay.

We're having

a decency rally tomorrow.

We want all Neuters

to be there.

What's a Neuter?

lt's a normal person who

is fed up with perversion.

Sign me up then.

Tonight a woman in my cab

tried to grab my nutsack.

Oh, it's a sick world!

l don't know how it started

l don't know what l did

l don't know how it started

i don't know what l did

But there's a gal who's chasing me

who really flipped her lid

- Hey!

- l call her my eager beaver baby

Ooh, eager beaver

baby...

- Was that Sylvia Stickles?

- l think it was.

What happened

to her?

l don't know, but

it's a dirty shame.

...Well what am l

gonna do

With that eager beaver

baby of mine?

Hello, Vaughn.

Hello, Betty.

Have you seen my wife?

Come on in.

No, l can't.

Sylvia seems to be missing.

l was with her

earlier, but--

Maybe she's

getting lucky.

Harford Road

is wild these days.

Hey, hey, come on,

open.

l seen you,

Sylvia Stickles,

showing your pubic patch

to the bus driver.

You should move downtown

where you belong, you whore.

End of the line.

Okay, buster,

turn off the motor.

- Who, me?

- Yeah, you!

Yes, Ma'am!

Don't touch that spot

that itchy-twitchy spot

That spot that's swelling up

and turning red...

- Grrr...

- What are you doing in there?

Vaughn, where is

my daughter?

l don't know, Big Ethel.

l can't find her.

Oh, don't go in there.

Bears live here.

Big fat hairy fags

with d*cks.

Hi, l'm Cow Patty.

l'm Vaughn.

l live up the street

and l'm looking

for my wife Sylvia.

l'm the only ''Goldilocks'' allowed

in this bear cave.

l'm a bear hag.

And we call this--

Bear soup!

Wow, a tranny bear.

Come on in.

Police!

My gal is red hot

Your gal

ain't doodly squat

Yeah,

my gal is red hot

- Your gal ain't doodly squat...

- Go, baby, go!

Shake that thing!

...she's really

got a lot...

Mother!

What's the matter?

...Six feet four...

Nothing, honey.

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