A Face in the Crowd Page #7

MACEY:
(as secretary displays charts on an easel)

Now, in the last quarter, gentlemen,

and Miss Valerie...

we have spent over $300,000

of General Haynesworth's money...

to make this country

Vitajex conscious.

And all we've succeeded in doing...

Next chart, please...

is dropping from 10 º/º of the market

to 7 /º. Now I, uh …

DR. WILEY:

Mr. Macey, I'm late for the dog food

meeting. Can I say my say and go?

MACEY:

Yes, doctor.

DR. WILEY:

I've gone over this product

pretty carefully in the lab.

Vitajex has a few grains

of aspirin...

a little sugar, that might

give you some energy...

but, frankly,

General or no General...

We have nothing to sell.

MACEY:
(quickly)

Strike that from the transcript,

Miss Murray.

42

You know General Haynesworth always

reads the product group reports.

DR. WILEY:

I can't help it. I was hired

as a research chemist.

MACEY:

Dr. Wiley, there's nothing wrong

with Vitajex, is there?

DR. WILEY:

It won't kill you,

if that’s what you mean.

(laughter from those present, except Macey)

I’d say it’s relatively harmless,

like a lot of the old patent medicine...

MACEY:

Thank you, Doctor. Now, let’s

get this train back on the tracks.

With all due respect to our

estimable television department...

(They bow, but one TV exec says to the other two sotto voce:

TV EXECUTIVE:

He hates our guts.

MACEY:

and it’s sudden enthusiasm for Lonesome Rhodes...

I think we need a – a dignified sell.

I'd like a 15-minute participation

on the Ed Murrow show.

(The TV execs look knowingly at each other)

SECRETARY:

Mr. Rhodes is here, sir.

MACEY:
(reaches into his jacket near his heart)

Jim, boy, don't you think...

I mean, it’s irregular.

TV EXECUTIVE:

43

Well, I just thought if you and the boys

got a look at him, Mace,

you'd see why the TV shop

is sold on him.

JOEY (entering)

Gentlemen, Lonesome Rhodes.

LONESOME:

Hi, folks.

Howdy.

I've come to sell these kidney pills

or whatever the heck they are.

Hey, what’s the matter?

You got no spittoons around here?

MACEY:

Denise, would you bring

the gentleman a spittoon?

(The secretaries look at each other and roll their eyes.)

LONESOME:
(to Macey)

Now, what’s your particular

problem, Mr. Fuzzy Lip?

TV EXECUTIVE:

Sit down, Mr. Rhodes.

You may as well know...

Vitajex is the sick sister in

the International Drug family.

They're even getting ready

to put out a smaller pill...

MACEY:

Jim, before we make

any hasty decisions, I’d recommend…

DR. WILEY:

:

Sh --- sh--

LONESOME:
(takes up a bottle of Vitajex and

spills some into his hand)

Look at these poor little

white pills you're trying to peddle.

44

They're kind of pale,

got no charge to them.

I got an idea.

Let’s make them yellow.

The color of sunshine

and energy.

Gives a fella that get up and go

that puts him in solid with the ladies.

Yeah, like this …

“If you want to be bright-eyed

and bushy-tailed...

just gobble up a handful of Vitajex

and your battery's charged. Watch.

(He tosses one in the air and catches it in his mouth)

Ahhhh--- HA HA!

Wooo wee, I am ready!

(He slams his hand on Macey’s desk)

I mean, I am in the mood! My personality undergoes

a startling change.

SECRETARY:

I got your spittoon...

LONESOME:
(to secretary)

Ah – HA! (he chases this young woman to the door)

Ooooh -- I'm going to get you,

you little redheaded filly! (He turns and chases the stenographer out

of the office)

That’s what Vitajex does to me and

I haven't even swallowed them yet.

You college geniuses want

dignity on your program.

(everyone laughs, except Macey, who looks nervous)

Back where I come from,

a fella looks too dignified...

we figure he's looking to steal your watch!

I'll move your merchandise!

MACEY:

45

He’s not exactly General Haynesworth’s …

LONESOME:

SH! SH! (ad libs) Peace! Peace! (Sings) O vitajex, what you doing to

me? (Joey produces beat) O Vitajex, what you doing to me! You fill me

full of ecstasy!

(A MONTAGE OF COMMERCIALS set to this tune)

Oh, Vitajex,

what are you doing to me?

Oh, Vitajex,

what are you doing to me?

You fill me full of ecstasy!

Oh, Vitajex,

what are you doing to me?

Oh...

Vitajex...

Vitajex,

what are you doing to me?

Vitajex,

what are you doing to me?

You fill me full of oooh! and ecstasy!

Vitajex puts a gleam in your eye.

Vitajex puts a gleam in your eye.

46

Keep your eye on that rating.

Do it again.

Vitajex puts a gleam in your eye.

Fills you full of...

DR. WILEY (in his white coat on a commercial):

And each pill contains 97 units...

of energy-giving endrocaine.

(Extreme Close-up of Lonesome’s mouth giving his big laugh)

STUDIO AUDIENCE (chanting in unison):

Vitajex, jex, jex

makes you go, go, go!

ANNOUNCER #1:

Keep your eye on that rating.

LONESOME:

That’s why Vitajex

gives you that get up and go.

ANNOUNCER #2 (voice-over of an animated

commercial)

Do you have trouble with your girl?

Does she look elsewhere?

Here's how Vitajex

solved his problem.

Vitajex!

It fills me full of ecstasy!

LONESOME (in commercial)

See what I mean?

HAYNESWORTH:
(0n phone)

This is General Haynesworth.

47

I've just seen Lonesome Whats-his-name

on the television, and I like him.

SEXY BLONDE IN bed in COMMERCIAL:

Why don't you take Vitajex...

like Lonesome Rhodes does?

ANNOUNCER #2 VOICE-OVER:

She's talking about the new

large economy size.

SEXY BLONDE IN COMMERCIAL

I bought my boyfriend

a ten year supply.

ANNOUNCER:

Now, the soft sell.

Keep your eye on the ratings.

Vitajex, Vitajex, Vitajex.

Vitajex, what are you doing to me?

ANNOUNCER:

Now, the hard sell.

Vitajex…

Poolside at the General’s enormous estate (Long Island?)

MACEY:

General, I'm willing

to put myself on record.

I say he's a risk, uncooperative

and unpredictable.

Why, we've spent tens of thousands of dollars

to find out the key words...

like "bracing" and "zestful".

and Rhodes has the audacity to tear us

to shreds right in front of the audience.

HAYNESWORTH:

48

Thirty-nine point eight!

LONESOME (from terrace)

Hey, General, where the heck are you?

MACEY (checks his watch)

If you'll forgive us,

we have to get back to town.

LONESOME:

Why, hello, girls!

(comes down the steps with Joey and Marcia)

How's Princeton

and old eight for the stump?

(He laughs)

(Macey leaves in a hurry without a word)

Afraid I'm making these Madison Avenue

fellas unhappy.

HAYNESWORTH:

I'm not in the business

to make those fellows happy...

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