A Face in the Crowd Page #9

And not the kind I get from Joey,

or the Madison Avenue high domes...

who say “gesundheit” before I even pucker up to sneeze.

No, I know when I come

to the top of a mountain...

I need you.

Because you level with me.

You're my lifeline to truth, and well…

marry me, Marcia.

Will you?

That’s what I called you

over here for.

(indicates dead plants in planters)

Can't keep anything alive up here.

Dust in this city kills everything.

MARCIA:

Larry.

Don't play with me.

Don't hurt me.

Don't hurt me.

(Fade to black)

(NEXT MORNING, Marcia is eating breakfast from a tray in the living

room of Lonesome’s penthouse. The television is on. Beanie enters.)

BEANIE:

Marcia, there's a lady to see you.

MARCIA:

A lady?

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BEANIE:

I guess so, She's got a dress on.

MARCIA:

I don't want to see anybody up here.

BEANIE:

OK, I'll tell her to pick it up and move it out.

(The lady walks in anyway. Beanie tries unsuccessfully to intercept

her.)

I'm sorry, ma'am...

MARCIA:

Are you the...

MRS. RHODES:

I am Mrs. Rhodes.

MARCIA:

Are you related to Mr. Rhodes?

MRS. RHODES:

Mm-hmmm.

MARCIA :

But, you're not his mother?

MRS. RHODES:

His wife.

MARCIA:

All right, Beanie.

MRS. RHODES:
(watching Lonesome on TV)

Isn't he something?

You mind if I mute this brass a little? (She turns down the TV volume)

(Marcia self-cosnciously buttons up her dress jacket)

You're Lonesome's new tootsie, huh?

56

“Lonesome.” That’s a hot one.

I hope you had better luck

keeping him lonesome than I did.

MARCIA:

I think you should understand that I'm just

a business associate of Mr. Rhodes.

MRS. RHODES:

Ain't you the whole box top!

The floor manager of your program

is my brother-in-law's first cousin.

He told me where I could find you.

So you come off it, little lady.

Do you mind if I do? (helps herself to Marcia’s toast)

MARCIA:

I’m through with it.

I must say I think Mr. Rhodes might have done me

the courtesy of telling me himself.

MRS. RHODES:

Mr. Rhodes don't do no courtesies

to nobody.

I could write a book about him.

MARCIA:

Is that the purpose of your visit

to collect some more material?

MRS. RHODES:

Oh, I came to collect,

but it ain't material.

Unless you get Larry to pay me

three grand a month...

not only will I not divorce him...

but I'll make it plenty hot

for the both of you.

I already got some feelers

from Confidential magazine.

MARCIA:

I'm not engaged to your husband.

MRS. RHODES:

57

Larry thinks he has to take a bite

out of every broad he comes across.

Then he calls them a tramp,

drops them...

all sort of psycho-something

or other, you know?

I caught him red-handed

with my best girlfriend.

He broke my jaw.

MARCIA:

Seems to be working quite

effectively now.

Mrs. Rhodes:

MM hmm

MARCIA (stands up)

Mrs. Rhodes, if you'll excuse me,

I'm very busy this morning.

MRS. RHODES:

Well, tell Larry, three Gs a month,

and he's yours.

CHORUS ON TV:
(singing)

An old fashioned marriage...

is my favorite marriage.

MRS. RHODES:
(She sings these two lines)

It’s a sincere type song.

Should be a big hit. (Exits)

CHORUS ON TV:
(singing)

An old fashioned kiss

needs a silvery...

MARCIA:
(to TV)

Oh, shut up!

JOEY (leading Haynesworth and others into the penthouse)

These are the Backward Barons – they’re

rehearsing our new theme song.

HAYNESWORTH:

Very catchy.

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JOEY:

Lonesome just wrote it.

MARCIA :

Actually, two fellas over there wrote it.

Of course, their names aren't on it.

(Lonesome runs over and turns on the applause machine)

JOEY:

General, General,

we wanted to show you this.

Lonesome designed it himself.

The Reaction Machine.

You just push these little levers,

it can laugh.

(Lonesmoie demonstrates various kinds of reaction sounds on machine)

Giggle.

"Ah".

BEANIE:

Ain't that a booger, General?

HAYNESWORTH:

Most ingenious.

JOEY:

We're thinking of putting them

on the market.

“The Lonesome Rhodes

Automatic Reactor.”

MARCIA:
(to Haynesworth)

Mechanical laughter, mechanical applause,

what are we coming to?

JOEY:

We're coming to a bigger model, that’s what we’re coming to.

HAYNESWORTH:

I'm sorry to end this,

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it’s most interesting...

but I've got a date at my club,

lunch with Senator Fuller. (Exits)

JOEY (to Marcia)

What’s the matter with you today?

(He runs after Haynesworth)

General, I wish you had time

to see our whole operation, the various departments…

LONESOME:
(to Marcia)

Marcia, you're wound tighter than a clock, this morning.

What’s the matter?

MARCIA:

Next time you propose, you might

consider getting unmarried first.

LONESOME:
(laughs)

Listen, Beanie told me;

it ain't as bad as you think.

I got a divorce, a couple

of years ago in Mexico.

But the judge got indicted for fraud

so my ex claimed...

ASSISTANT:

Here are the latest ratings, Mr. Rhodes.

LONESOME:
(reacting to the ratings sheet)

Whooo --- Hallelujah!

Rhodes, 41.4 . .

Opposition, 19.5 .

That other fella's gonna be

jumping out of windows.

(to Marcia again)

So, like I say, the ex claimed

the divorce was a fraud too...

I've got a good lawyer

working it out in Juarez.

He said If I come down there, he'll

get it off my back in 24 hours.

MARCIA:

Don't play with me.

I'm not one of your girls.

60

LONESOME:

On a stack of Bibles, Marcia.

Saturday I'm going to be in Pickett

judging the drum majorette contest.

I'll go straight

from there to Mexico.

Next time you hear from me,

it’ll be from Juarez, believe me.

(Dissolve to the writers’ room – writers using Lonesome photo as a dart

board. Marcia enters)

MEL (to another writer, reading over his shoulder)

That is dreadful, just dreadful...

MARCIA (reading sign on the door)

"We also take in laundry."

That’s a new one.

MEL:

Welcome to the black hole

of Calcutta.

MARCIA:

This is one place they

didn't show the General.

MEL:

Naturally, here are the lepers

of the great TV industry...

men without faces.

Why, they even slide our checks under

the door to pretend we're not here.

OTHER WRITERS:

Ha, ha, ha!

MARCIA:

But think of the satisfaction

of being a small cog...

in the great wheel of humanity

"Lonesome Rhodes".

WRITERS:

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Ha, ha, ha!

MEL:

Sounds like she's coming over

to our side.

MARCIA:

Ha, ha, ha!

Why don't you quit?

MEL:

Why don't you quit?

MARCIA:

Because I'm deeply involved with him.

MEL:

Spoken like a lady.

MARCIA :

Got his introduction ready?

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