A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III Page #2

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- Ha, ha.

Come on. Dig deeper. More.

When I was 7 and my toothbrush

would get old and worn out...

I would make a little hole in the ground

and I would bury it behind my house.

I've been dreaming about you

my whole life.

Heh, I'm just a small town girl.

But you, you're the intriguing one.

- Did you always do art as a kid?

- Well, I always liked to draw.

My mom encouraged me.

And then I started taking pictures.

I did an album cover for Kirby.

And before I knew it, the thing just

took off, turned into a whole business.

I thought I was going to do my paintings,

but I did advertising instead.

Welcome to Swan Design.

- Heh.

- This is where it all happens.

That's Lance, this is Hicks.

Come back here.

I want to show you where I work.

Right this way.

Wow!

You're lucky.

I'm still trying to figure out

what I want to do.

- Is acting stupid?

- No, you should give it a shot.

So did you always

know what you wanted to do?

I've always been a daydreamer.

I know that much.

Like when I was young,

say, on the bus...

I'd talk to myself in my head

and imagine all sorts of scenarios.

Either with the girls in school

or whoever.

So, what would you do?

It would go something like this:

You'd be there, and a bad guy would

burst in and try to take you away.

Aah! Charlie!

I would reach into my shoe...

and pull out a poison dart.

Charlie, you in there?

Yeah, what do you want?

Marnie had a meeting set

with you 10 minutes ago.

- Not now. I'm busy.

- Sorry.

Charlie! Oh, my God. Charlie!

Charlie!

And then one hit.

Barn. And then I save you.

Stay the f*** out.

Heh, oh, my God.

And that's

how the rescue fantasy goes.

- Charlie. You're nuts.

- I know I am.

You're nuts.

We've passed the deadline

for the pizza redo...

and they're still not happy

with the cheese pool.

F*** them.

Also we need to get started

on Kirby's cover soon.

We really need an idea from you.

Ugh, I'm sorry I just don't...

I don't have any ideas just yet.

Well, what can I do to help?

Get a researcher? Dig up some scrap?

Get one of the younger guys

to sketch something?

No, no, no. Just give me some time.

I'll come up with something.

I know you think

the new receptionist is foxy...

but Charlie, I have to be honest.

I don't think she's doing a very good job.

Well, let's not fire her just yet.

I say we give her a second chance.

I know that you're thinking

something terrible.

Just get your overactive imagination

working on Kirby's album cover, okay?

Well, I tried rope and twine

A corral of barbed wire

But they kept on escapin'

So I built the fence higher

Why does love need a prison

To keep an object of desire?

You know, there was also

the mattress thing.

Huh?

She wanted me to get a new mattress

because I'd f***ed other girls on it.

You know what? You guys deserve

each other. You're both crazy.

That's what I told her.

So how about my album cover?

Any ideas yet?

I thought it was different with her.

I'm sorry, Kirb. I can't concentrate.

I think of her every three or four minutes.

I hear you, man, but after some time

passes you'll start to forget.

I'd kill to have someone

to be in love with.

No, you don't.

She was over it, but I wasn't.

- I'm suffering, man.

- Sorry, brother.

Then I started to get intuitions

that she was seeing another guy.

Those are usually right.

You had no hard facts?

There was this one suspicious scene

partner dude from her acting class.

Right. And all that late night

rehearsal bullshit.

You know, there is one way you can

find out, but you can't go back.

- What's that?

- You bug her.

- Huh?

- You plant a bug.

What do you mean? Like tap her phone?

I can't do that.

Not saying you should. Just saying

there's a guy in my studio, he did.

That's crazy. I could never do that.

That's beyond the pale.

I agree.

- Find anything out?

- He got a divorce.

I'm not surprised.

Let me ask you, Kirb.

Can you love someone...?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sorry. Thought I heard something.

Never mind.

Can you love someone what?

Can you love someone

and hate them too?

You've heard about the battle

of the sexes, man. This is it.

Look at that.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

- Let's take a closer look.

- Mm-hm.

- Is she looking at me or you?

- Howdy, ladies.

I'd say we could both use a bath.

Isn't that weird to get clean

in such dirty water?

Go, go, go!

God damn honey trap.

Sleazy b*tches.

Here!

- You hit?

- Unh.

No, but I think I might have pulled

a muscle.

- You got a gun?

- No, I thought you did.

Sh*t. No gun.

Guess we're gonna have to lasso them.

Stupid lasso.

F***! We're outnumbered.

These women are really on a Warpath.

Well, partner, you can dig a hole

and crawl into it...

or you can face them like a man.

Are you a man?

Of course I am.

Show me.

Just aim and squeeze.

Ivana, can't we just talk?

No.

I'm hit.

- Clean through the heart.

- Savages.

You got any whiskey?

Bite down on this.

All right, this is gonna hurt. Unh.

Oh, God! Heh.

- It shouldn't hurt that much.

- Well, it does.

You can put your gown back on.

The doctor will bring the results.

I'm sorry to bug you here, but I told

Izabelle that I needed to see you.

Everything okay?

Not really.

All right, first I need to get you

to sign this extension.

Okay, that bought you

a few more weeks.

It's that bad?

Uh, yeah.

All right, now, um.

Basically running on fumes.

Now, you're feeling okay, right?

I think so. They're running tests

on my heart. I got these pains, unh.

- Serious?

- Yeah.

All right.

I don't want to bother you now...

but I've got some bills

that I need to review with you.

Okay, there's this one.

Samurai Helmet, 15,000 dollars.

You can't afford that.

I'm gonna return it.

But I have some work coming in.

Maybe coming in.

You just don't have any money.

Can we sell those old coins I bought?

We already did that.

All right, there's another new one

that's, ahem...

All right, ahem,

a tow truck company...

had to rent a crane, ahem...

to remove a car from

a record producer's swimming pool.

What the f*** is that?

Sorry. Can't we do one of those

insurance things with that?

It's just not done, Charlie.

It's just not done.

And after yesterday...

I'm thinking you're incredibly

irresponsible not to have a will.

Hey, hey, it's, heh, not what I need

to hear right now.

You okay? You suddenly

seem a little tense.

No. I'm a mess.

Can we make this about me

for a second?

Well, of course.

I spent the day

looking at shitty apartments.

Things between me and Karen are...

kind of f***ed.

Hey, I'm so sorry.

We've been together 22 years,

man, 22 years.

I'm sorry to be acting like this.

No, no. Hey, look,

why don't you, uh...?

Why don't you stay at my place

while I'm still here?

Lupe can make you some nice soup,

you can relax.

Thanks, Charlie.

I might just take you up on that.

You've been good to me.

I was gonna say the same thing.

I think I heard

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