A Hole in the Head Page #2

that bank right now.

Oh, go to bed. Go on, beat it.

It's four o'clock in the morning.

- Good night, Pop.

- Knock off.

(thinks) Don't let him call Uncle Mario.

I don't wanna live with Uncle Mario.

Please, God, I want to stay here with Pop.

How do you like that?

He's gonna take care of me.

And he could too, the way I'm going.

Some father.

Put in a good word for me, Millie.

Cos if I lose this hotel right now, I'm dead.

(music)

Cha-cha-cha to the right

The night is young

Cha-cha-cha to the left

Oh, don't be chicken

Play me something

The cha-cha-cha

We'll cha-cha

You'll cha-cha

The night is young

Oh, don't be chicken

Knock off, will you?

And the landlord is a goof

Abe, you're my friend.

You can't throw me out now.

I got a deal here that's stupendous.

If you want a piece, you can have a piece.

This is a $10 million deal.

Millions schmillions.

Don't make me out a mean man.

I told you I'd meet you for a coffee.

We couldn't meet at Dubrow's Cafeteria.

No, it has to be here.

The coffee is a dollar and a quarter.

Money to you is...

I don't know what.

Are you scared? This kid from the Bronx

is gonna wind up owning half this town.

Look me in the face.

You know that, don't you?

In the face?

I hope you wind up owning the state.

Then get off my back

and don't give me pressure.

Tony.

You wanna play marbles, play marbles.

You wanna do business,

don't play marbles.

You've got 48 hours

and that's the end of it.

Dollar and a quarter, a cup of coffee.

They could throw in a schnickel.

All right, let go, Ally. Let go.

- Then how about half the towels?

- I said no money, no towels.

(Ally) No.

You can leave about ten towels.

The guests are all leaving.

No money, no towels.

And no cheques - not after the last one.

- You can't take that.

- Get out of here.

Get my brother Mario

person-to-person in New York.

Yes, sir.

Pop. Pop.

Pop.

- Hi. How'd you make out with Diamond?

- Outside. I'm expecting a call.

The laundry man

wouldn't leave the towels.

All right. I'm trying to think.

Give those towels to Sally.

- What towels?

- The ones in the bedroom.

- Hey, Fred.

- (bongos)

Pop. Pop.

These are Fontainebleau towels.

Aren't they good enough for you?

What about that call to my brother?

- Uncle Mario?

- Out. Outside.

- Oh, please, Pop, don't call him.

- Outside.

(phone rings)

Hey, Pa, the phone's ringing.

Hey, Pa, the phone.

- Answer it.

- It's not for me.

Go, Mario.

Don't give yourself a heart attack.

Excuse me a minute, please.

Would it break your arm

to pick up the phone?

- It's for you.

- What are you, a mind-reader?

- Mario.

- Everything he knows, our brilliant son.

- No-one would call me here.

- Nobody should call you anywhere.

- Hello?

- Hello, Mario. How are you? This is Tony.

- Tony. Sophie, it's Tony.

- He must be broke again. Ha-ha.

Shut up, you, with your ha-has.

- How do you feel? How's Sophie?

- Terrible. What do you want?

That's too bad. What's the matter

with her? What has she got, a virus?

What do you mean? She don't feel good.

That's good.

Listen, I'll tell you why I called.

Why, I know. How much?

How much? That's rich. I guess

you know me pretty good, don't you?

- Can you hear me pretty good?

- The whole trouble is I hear you too good.

- (Sophie) Mario.

- How much do you want?

Hello?

- Ten to one he doesn't get it.

- You shouldn't listen in.

I can't explain it now, Mario,

but I have to have $5,300.

Hello?

Hello?

Mario?

- How about...? Hello?

- $5,300?

- I got nervous. I thought you hung up.

- $5,300?

- Listen...

- $5,300?

- Don't get excited.

- Make that 50 to one.

Do you know how many garter belts

I gotta sell to make $5,300?

- 10,000.

- 10,000 what?

- Garter belts.

- Shut up, will you?

- No, positively no.

- They'll throw me out on the street.

- So what?

- What about the kid? What will I do?

- The kid?

- I can't move him in the condition he's in.

Beautiful. Five to one.

- What do you mean? Is he sick?

- Is Ally sick?

Forget it. Should I give you a hard-luck

story about my problems? How's Sophie?

- Don't tell her about this.

- Never mind.

Now, Tony, I'm your brother.

If the boy is sick, I wanna know.

Look, I don't wanna talk about it.

Anyway, I think we caught it in time.

- (Sophie) Tony, what's the matter?

- (Mario) What's he got?

He's got stomach trouble.

Are you telling me the truth?

You're making me mad.

Did I ever lie to you?

- Yes.

- (Sophie) Mario.

- Yeah? When did I ever lie to you?

- When? (laughs)

Aw, skip the whole thing.

Forget the whole thing, you hear?

Even if you sent me the cheque,

I'd tear the thing up.

I should drop dead right on the spot.

He hung up.

Ever see such a man?

Calls me for a loan, then hangs up on me.

What did he say about Ally?

What's the difference?

Even when he's lying, he's lying.

- Call him right back.

- No, no, no.

It's a Tony trick. He wants

the money for something crazy.

See, Pa?

I told you the call wasn't for me.

Play, Julius, play.

Listen to that Mario calling me a liar.

Boy.

- What boy? What are you boying?

- You really get me.

- Who's got stomach trouble?

- Are you calling me a liar too?

- You never had a bellyache in your life?

- One time, that's all. Fried salami.

That doesn't mean

I got stomach trouble.

What are you, a regular George

Washington? You can't tell one teeny lie?

You're getting fresh, kid. Watch it.

I don't like that attitude.

- You talk too much. You hear me?

- I hear you.

What's the matter? You mad?

The crazy books he reads.

What kind of book is this?

It's a zoology book.

Oh, yeah.

- They've got them dinosauruses.

- Dinosaurs.

Big deal.

- Come on, will you? I told you I'm sorry.

- When?

- Didn't I tell you?

- I talk too much.

- Who said that?

- You did.

Aw, you mustn't pay any attention.

You want to talk, boy, you go right ahead

and talk. I don't care what anybody says.

- They ever make a picture of this book?

- It's a zoology book.

So what? I don't care.

Yeah, they made a picture.

About those guys with the big clubs.

The actor with the black hair.

He lived on the side of a hill.

Like a caveman, like.

Pop.

Would you promise me something?

Sure, Ally.

No matter what,

you'll let me stay here with you?

- Of course.

- (sirens)

Who's here, the president?

Let's go see who's here.

Hey, Jerry. Hey, Geronimo.

Geronimo!

- Jerry, it's Tony. Hey!

- Hey, Tony, you old meatball!

Hey, that's Jerry Marks.

How about that?

- Hey, you be sure to call me now.

- Sweetie.

I'm sorry,

but you don't know how long I've...

Jerry Marks, of all people.

This may be just the thing I needed.

Ten million dollars worth of hotels

he bought. What a man.

Hey! Every hour, call the Fontainebleau

and keep trying to get Mr Marks.

- You bet.

- Sally? Don't give up.

- We may come up with a little money yet.

- About time.

Today I may not have a thing at all

Except perhaps a dream or two...

Did you hear what he said?

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