A Life Less Ordinary Page #2

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a quarter of a century...

watching the tide

go in and out...

but from tomorrow,

you are going to work...

here, under my supervision.

You're gonna learn

the essence of business...

about money and how it flows

relentlessly back...

towards he who owns it.

How to generate

a profit from a loss...

a loss from a profit.

You are gonna work.

[Elevator bell dings]

NAVILLE:
This may not strike you

as very palatable.

ROBOT:
Seven...

NAVILLE:

It may make you want to vomit.

NAVILLE:
But you will get used

to the taste.

And pretty soon,

you'll be spooning it down...

and asking for more

like all the other kids.

[Door opens]

ROBOT:
Eleven...

ROBERT:
Mr. Naville, I presume?

ROBOT:
Eleven...

ROBERT:
You think you can

replace me with a robot?

ROBOT:
Eleven...

ROBERT:
Well, get this!

ROBOT:
Eleven...

ROBERT:
Aah!

ROBOT:
Twelve...

thirteen...

ROBERT:
F***.

ROBOT:
Fourteen...

ROBERT:
Ohh!

Nobody f***ing move!

Nobody f***ing move!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

ROBERT:
Everyone on the floor!

Everyone!

Everyone!

ROBOT:
Four, five...

six...

[Slurred] seven...

Now, I want my job back!

I want what I had before,

Mr. Naville!

I'm gonna count to five.

If you don't oblige me,

I'm gonna kill you.

One!

Two!

Three!

[Chuckling]

Four!

- Five!

- [Gunshot]

Ow!

- Ow!

- Ow!

- What did you say that for?

- Five comes directly after four.

ROBERT:
I know that!

CELINE:

I thought you had a problem.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Without access

to a proper education...

- Shut up!

- I was just trying to help.

I don't need any help.

NAVILLE:
You'll die for this,

I swear to God.

- I'm sorry. No.

- You could shoot him again.

CELINE:
In the head this time.

I'll count to five.

Shut up!

Who are you, anyway?

Nobody!

CELINE:
I'm his daughter.

Aah!

[People talking, laughing]

MAN:
This kid's got a gun.

Hey, cool it.

MAN:
Take it easy, pal.

Chill out.

ROBERT:
Drive!

Will you just drive?!

CELINE:
I can't.

- What?

- I don't know how.

- You don't know how to drive?

- I never learned.

- Why not?!

- I didn't need to!

Well, you do now!

This one makes it go faster,

that one slower.

This is forwards,

that's backwards.

The rest you can pick up

as we go along.

Drive!

CELINE:
Where are we going?

ROBERT:
Never mind that.

Just drive more carefully.

CELINE:
He cut in on me.

ROBERT:

Mirror, signal, maneuver.

[Whistling]

ROBERT:
You say nothing, OK?

WALT:
Afternoon, ma'am.

Afternoon, sir.

My name's Walt.

I'm here to help you any way

I can during your visit...

be it short or long...

and whether it is purely

for refueling purposes...

or for the use of our extensive

washroom and retail facilities.

- Is this a gas station, Walt?

- It sure is, sir.

Then fill it up with gas

and cut the crap.

The guy was just doing his job.

You know, he was just trying

to be helpful.

You're in a lot of trouble,

you know?

My father's

gonna have you killed.

Do you realize that?

Tortured first, naturally.

Then he's gonna have you killed.

ROBERT:

And what if I let you go?

CELINE:

I don't know. What do you think?

Think he's just gonna

forgive you?

Wait a minute.

Why would I ask him

to forgive me?

Your father treated me

like a piece of sh*t...

like I was nobody...

just because I was a cleaner...

like I was disposable.

WALT:
Ahem.

Well, that's the tank full, sir.

Thank you, Walt.

That's for you, Walt.

You're a man, Walt.

Not a slave, not a machine.

Don't let anyone

ever treat you otherwise.

Go on.

[Starts engine]

[Window squeaking]

CELINE:
It's empty.

[Glass breaks]

ROBERT:
Let's get this clear.

I'm not gonna hurt you...

but I am the kidnapper,

and you are the...

CELINE:
Victim.

That's just the way it is.

It's OK.

I've been through this before.

Kidnapped before?

Yeah. I was twelve.

- God, that's terrible.

- It was a long time ago.

ROBERT:
So... so how am I doing?

In the kidnap?

ROBERT:
Yeah.

So far,

you're not doing too bad.

Thank you.

Anyway, I'm just tying you up so

you can't escape in the night.

CELINE:
I know that.

ROBERT:

Because, of course, you would.

CELINE:
Are you gonna try

to have sex with me?

No.

Isn't that what

you brought me up here for?

No, it's not.

CELINE:

It didn't even cross your mind?

No. Well... No.

Do you have a problem with sex?

No.

CELINE:

So you're just frightened of it?

ROBERT:
No.

- Nervous, then?

- I'm not nervous.

- Then calm down.

- I'm perfectly calm.

ROBERT:

I'm just trying to explain...

that there's no sexual motives

for my actions.

CELINE:

I'm glad we got that cleared up.

So, what did they do next?

They put a needle in my arm

and took a pint of blood...

and sent it to my father.

The next week

they did the same...

and the same the next week

till he paid up.

He waited six weeks.

That's what happens

to the victim.

ROBERT SINGING:

Around our way

The sun shines bright

Around our way

The birds sing for ya

'Cause they already know ya

[Pages turning]

Enjoying the book?

CELINE:
No.

ROBERT:
What's it about?

It's a romance.

This girl meets this guy.

They fall in love.

It's bullshit.

ROBERT:

I'm writing a novel myself.

A lot of people say that,

but in my case, it's true.

I'm not interested...

in you or your novel...

or any other pathetic ambition

you have...

to change your miserable,

mundane existence.

ROBERT:

Do you want some exercise?

CELINE:
No.

ROBERT:
You can't say no. It's

not part of the arrangement.

- I want to read my book.

- You said it was bullshit.

Doesn't mean

I'm not enjoying it.

- You just said you weren't!

- A girl can change her mind.

O'REILLY:
" She heard

his breathing become shallow...

"and a flicker of a smile

chased across her lips...

"as she meditated on the power

she now held over him.

"'Are you sure you want

to catch that flight? '

"she asked."

JACKSON:
Do you think

they're in love yet?

O'REILLY:
No.

JACKSON:
If they are in love,

we can go home.

THE SHIRELLES SINGING:

Tonight, you're mine

JACKSON:
I hate it down here.

I hate the air

and I hate the food...

and I hate the plumbing.

O'REILLY:
" She pulled him

closer, unable to stop."

JACKSON:
I ache... all over.

"This, indeed,

was perfect love."

JACKSON:
I sweat in the heat

and ache in the cold.

[Whistling]

THE SHIRELLES:

But will you love me tomorrow?

Why can't we stay

someplace decent?

Budget doesn't cover that.

Exactly. Why not?

You know those mysterious ways

you keep hearing about, Jackson?

[Whistling]

Well, this is one of them.

"...cold, gloating gaze,

she let her hand droop down...

"towards the bulge

of his passion."

I remember the good old days.

O'REILLY:
" She heard

his breathing become shallow."

All you had to do

was introduce a man and a woman.

Nature did the rest.

O'REILLY:
"She gasped..."

ROBERT:
Aah! F***!

O'REILLY:

"with surprise and delight."

Doesn't work like that anymore.

O'REILLY:
" All of her soul

erupted between her thighs...

"as she sensed the firm,

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