A Life Less Ordinary Page #6

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It felt just like this.

Now do you understand

how it felt, Robert?

But you, unlike me,

couldn't pull the trigger.

- Oh, no.

- Good-bye, Robert.

ROBERT:
OK, kill me,

but don't touch the girl!

Extremely amusing!

CELINE:
" Kill me,

but don't touch the girl."

Robert,

you should be on television.

- Very funny.

- What's wrong?

ROBERT:
What's wrong? I thought

you were going to shoot me!

That's what's wrong!

CELINE:

Shoot you? I wouldn't do that.

- Oh, no?

- No! I'm having a great time!

- Oh, good!

- Yeah, certainly is!

CELINE:
What's wrong?

Celine, it's over.

ROBERT:
Aah!

[Robert screaming]

[Robert moans]

ROBERT:
I'm dying, Celine.

I think I'm dying,

and I don't want to die.

You're not going to die.

I don't want to die.

Are you taking me to a hospital?

Because I don't want to die

in a hospital.

CELINE:
I'm not going

to take you to a hospital.

What do you mean, you're not

taking me to a hospital?

Take me to a hospital!

Where are you taking me?

ELLIOT:
Very nice.

Very nice, indeed.

You could have a perfect smile.

For two thousand dollars,

you could change your life.

No, thanks.

Do you think a perfect smile

just happens?

Is that what you think? Huh?

Do you think that Celine's smile

is her own?

No, it's not.

It's mine.

I gave it to her...

just like I can give you one.

I'll fix your teeth

for twelve thousand dollars.

I didn't get shot in the teeth.

Well, let me tell you something.

It wouldn't have made

too much difference if you had.

I don't want to say anything.

It's your teeth,

but if you wait another year...

you'll have fifty grand worth

of major reconstruction, so...

CELINE:

If you wait another year...

he'll be dead.

ELLIOT:
Sorry. Just a little

free consultation.

[Taps button with foot]

ELLIOT:
You know,

they wanted me to take a break.

Take a break.

[Laughs]

Go get counseling, you know?

F*** them. What do they know?

They wanted me to stay

in the hospital.

I discharged myself

this afternoon.

Lucky for you that I did, huh?

OK.

Have you, um, done this before?

The principles of surgery...

are the same

above and below the neck.

ROBERT:
Aah! Aah!

Aren't you going

to anesthetize me?

I'm sure you'll pass out

as the pain gets worse.

Aah!

Aah!

[Camera taking pictures]

[Celine laughing]

[Elliot and Celine laughing]

ELLIOT:
Give me another one.

Here we go, baby.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yaah!

Give it to me hot.

You look lovely.

CELINE:
Thank you.

[Both laughing]

ELLIOT:
Give me the Bambi, baby.

That's it.

God!

OK, turn over. Turn over.

- What?

- Turn over, darling.

ELLIOT:
Turn...

There you go.

Flash me the tush.

One heel.

[Takes picture]

Excellent.

[Celine giggling]

ELLIOT:
Mmm.

Robbie!

Hey, how are you? Come on.

Join the party.

Come on.

Do you want some champagne?

How rude of me. Excuse me, love.

[Chuckles]

Oh, wait.

Here you go.

Here. Look at that.

So, I understand that you're...

Here, please.

I understand that

you're something of a fugitive.

Don't be shocked.

We go back a long way.

ROBERT:

Oh, I see. You're her dentist.

ELLIOT:
Yup. That's right.

We met over that particularly

fine set of ivories.

In fact...

I gave her her first filling.

Ohh!

F***.

Oh, I wish

you hadn't done that.

Now I have to hurt you...

which is inconvenient

and undignified.

ROBERT:
Ohh!

[Gasping]

ELLIOT:
F***er.

Get up!

Leave him alone, Elliot.

ELLIOT:
Why don't you

stay out of this?

[Robert groans]

Are you all right?

Uhh!

Gaah!

ROBERT:
Uhh! Aah!

CELINE:

You want to explain to me...

exactly what you were trying

to achieve back there?

ROBERT:
How about you

do some explaining to me?

CELINE:
I didn't want you

bleeding to death...

and I think I saved your life.

ROBERT:
I'd rather have died

than have witnessed that.

CELINE:

Witnessed what, exactly?

ROBERT:
You and Elliot in

an advanced state of foreplay.

CELINE:
He would've passed out

drunk in five minutes...

if you hadn't come along.

ROBERT:
Yeah, sure.

CELINE:
Even if we were

about to get physical...

what's it got to do with you

anyway?

ROBERT:
Aah.

CELINE:

You thought we had something?

ROBERT:
It's possible.

CELINE:
But why?

Why do we

have to have something?

We were getting along just fine.

Having something

ruins everything.

What will you do now,

ask me to marry you?

ROBERT:
Of course I'm not.

- You thought about it.

- Don't be absurd.

It never even occurred to you?

Well, it wouldn't be so bad.

You see what I mean?

Just forget it.

Consider it forgotten.

Where do you want to go?

Don't care.

Do you want to get out

of the car?

- Are you asking me to get out?

- No. I'm asking if you want to.

- It's the same thing.

- It's not the same thing.

One is a request,

the other is a question.

ROBERT:
Fine. If that's what

you want, then I'll get out.

CELINE:
If that's what you want,

go right ahead.

And don't even ask

where I'm going!

Don't even imagine that I care.

Exactly the problem!

[Starts car engine]

FAITHLESS SINGING:

Where's the love gone to?

Don't leave

BACKUP SINGERS:

Yeah, yeah, yeah

LEAD SINGER:

You got me hurtin'

Don't leave

BACKUP SINGERS:

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

LEAD SINGER:

You know it's never been easy

To love someone like me

BACKGROUND SINGERS:

Oh, oh

LEAD SINGER:
Don't leave

BACKUP SINGERS:

Yeah, yeah

CELINE:
F***.

LEAD SINGER:

Where did all the love go?

Where's the love gone to?

Stop hovering over me.

I can't concentrate.

O'REILLY:

Have you written anything yet?

JACKSON:
I... I...

What am I supposed to write?

O'REILLY:
Love letters, Jackson,

deal with the subject of love.

JACKSON:
I need time to think.

O'REILLY:
We don't have time.

Every day they spend apart...

the more difficult

it's going to be.

And if Naville finds our boy...

he's just meat.

ELVIS PRESLEY SINGING:

Maybe I didn't treat you...

O'REILLY:
So, think, Jackson...

have you ever done this before?

Back when I was alive,

there was a girl.

You wrote to some girl?

A long time ago.

You never told me about this.

JACKSON:

It never came to nothing.

Her father

did not approve our match.

It was just young love,

but I wrote...

many times...

with passion...

and despair.

ELVIS PRESLEY:

You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you

I never knew

you had a romantic soul.

ELVIS PRESLEY:

All those lonely, lonely nights

I often wonder

what became of that girl...

sweet Eliza.

Eliza...

Gray.

Her father was a colonel.

O'REILLY:

Jackson, you're qualified.

You can write this letter.

That's the problem, see?

I wrote to her, sure,

but I didn't write letters.

O'REILLY:
Well, what, then?

As a matter of fact...

I...

wrote...

love poems.

ELVIS PRESLEY:

Tell me that your sweet love

ELVIS PRESLEY:

Tell me that your sweet love

Hasn't died

Give me

Give me one more chance

To keep you satisfied

MOTHER:
Remember, my dear...

they only want one thing.

Maybe they want it

more than once...

but it's still

only one thing.

ELVIS PRESLEY:

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