A Life Less Ordinary Page #5

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That's understood, Mr. Naville.

NAVILLE:
Good.

And when this is over,

I want this back.

CELINE:

Bradley was nice, you know?

Extremely wealthy.

Honorable, amusing.

ROBERT:
And?

CELINE:

Well, eighty-seven years old.

- Ha ha. Pity.

- Yeah.

CELINE:
Then there was Jake.

He was nice.

Very rich.

Just so conventional.

ROBERT:
You see?

Rich guys. Conventional.

It's a problem.

Then there was Angelo.

Twenty-five years old...

handsome, healthy...

exciting...

sophisticated.

Considerate.

[Air horns blow]

ROBERT:
So?

Well, I think

that we just sort of, um...

grew apart as people.

The aerobics instructor?

[Laughing loudly]

CELINE:
Like I said...

it's a common scenario.

[Robert chuckles]

ROBERT:
So who was next?

CELINE:
Then I started getting

problems with my teeth.

ROBERT:
With your teeth?

CELINE:
Yeah, my teeth.

[Brakes screech]

MAN:
Hey, want a ride?

Hi, thanks for stopping, guys.

Uh, we're not stealing it,

we're just borrowing it.

ROBERT:

Had that dream again last night.

CELINE:
What dream?

ROBERT:
We were

on that game show Perfect Love.

- Mmm. Fascinating.

- And my life was in danger.

CELINE:
On a game show?

ROBERT:
I know.

It's difficult to explain.

Strange things were happening.

CELINE:
Mmm. So it would appear.

ROBERT:

But my life was in danger...

and you saved it.

My heart was beating so fast...

and then it stopped.

And I was just about to die...

and you saved it.

You saved my life.

JACKSON:

Well, what are we waiting for?

You want to get on with this

or not?

ROBERT:
Sure!

JACKSON:
You send the girl over.

ROBERT:
Ha ha. First the money.

That was the deal.

JACKSON:

Are you OK, Miss Naville?

CELINE:
Yes, I'm OK.

I'm just a little frightened.

JACKSON:

Now, don't you worry, miss.

Everything'll be all right.

CELINE:
Well?

ROBERT:
Whew. It's here.

JACKSON:
OK? Send the girl over.

ROBERT:
OK, go on.

JACKSON:
Ohh, damn.

Aah! Aah!

CELINE:
Aah! Aah! Help!

JACKSON:
Get down! Get down!

ROBERT:
Yes.

CELINE:
They tied me up! Ohh!

ROBERT:
Ha ha!

[Truck engine starts]

[Truck door closes]

O'REILLY:

Don't move a f***ing muscle.

Mmm.

What took you?

JACKSON:
He shot up the car!

O'REILLY:
You shot up our car.

Now, what did you do that for?

ROBERT:

I was trying to make a getaway.

O'REILLY:
You were trying

to make a getaway?

[Labored breathing]

O'REILLY:
How is she?

JACKSON:
I don't know.

But I don't think it's worked.

They're not... you know?

O'REILLY:
Jeopardy.

Jeopardy, Jackson...

always works.

JACKSON:
OK.

This is far enough.

ROBERT:
Are you... are you going

to kill me?

JACKSON:
Yeah.

[Robert sobs]

ROBERT:
Well, then I don't see

why I should dig.

JACKSON:
If you dig...

I promise you

when the time comes...

I'll shoot you through the head.

[Robert sobs]

JACKSON:

Now, look, you don't like that?

I can just shoot you through

the testicles right now.

You can bleed to death.

I'll dig the grave.

It's up to you.

[Robert sobbing]

Can you cut me free?

Please?

It's sore.

What's he going to do with him?

Shoot him in the back

of the head.

Right.

Would that be a problem for you?

[Robert groans]

JACKSON:
Ever felt like

you're not in control of events?

ROBERT:
Yes.

JACKSON:
No, I mean...

something is...

destined to happen...

and it doesn't?

Like, what happens

when the forces of destiny...

are no longer in control?

ROBERT:
I don't know.

JACKSON:
The truth is...

I don't think even he knows

what's going on down here...

the chaos, the...

This hatred, this violence.

ROBERT:
Who...

Who are you talking about?

O'REILLY:
Jeopardy, Jackson...

always works.

JACKSON:
Dig.

[Robert laughs]

What are they doing in there?

Should've shot him myself.

CELINE:
Yeah, well, you can't

trust them to do anything.

O'REILLY:
I take it you're not

in a love situation.

CELINE:
What?

O'REILLY:

I mean you're not in love.

What's it to you?

O'REILLY:
Nothing.

Just asking.

REM SINGING:

I like it like that

And I know it

JACKSON:

That's OK. You can stop now.

ROBERT:
No.

JACKSON:

I've waited long enough.

ROBERT:
No.

JACKSON:
Give me that. Lie down.

ROBERT:
No, no. No!

JACKSON:

Give it to me! Give it to me!

ROBERT:
Please!

- Please.

- Shh.

ROBERT:
Aah!

[Robert sobbing]

[Jackson c*cks gun]

REM:

Leave it all behind

JACKSON:

I commit you to his mercy.

ROBERT:
Please. Please. Please.

CELINE:
Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

CELINE:
No! No!

Get up!

Robert, get off!

ROBERT:
Who are they?

CELINE:
Come on!

REM:

That's what keeps me

That's what keeps me

That's what keeps me down

O'REILLY:
Aah!

ROBERT:
Ohh.

Just for a minute there,

I thought we were in trouble.

I told you don't get caught.

Don't get out of the car.

Don't ever go into the woods

with a stranger.

- I know. You're right.

- I'm always right, OK?

CELINE:

You might like to remember that.

ROBERT:
Have you got the money?

- Aah!

- Aah!

[O'Reilly laughs]

ROBERT:
No! Jesus!

O'REILLY:
I'm going to get you.

[Both yelling]

ROBERT:
Aah!

[Tires squeal]

O'REILLY:
Ohh!

CELINE:
Sh*t.

[Robert panting]

- Oh, sh*t.

- Where is she?

ROBERT:
Oh, sh*t.

Drive!

[Tires squeal]

ROBERT:
Ohh!

Ohh!

[O'Reilly laughing]

Jesus!

- Jump!

- What?

CELINE:
Jump!

ROBERT:
Aah!

CELINE:
Aah!

O'REILLY:
Aah!

Aah!

[Scratches]

WOMAN:
If the card's no good,

I'm authorized to destroy it.

CELINE:
It's my card, lady.

Listen, you don't understand.

- Is there a problem?

- I'm sorry about this, ma'am.

ROBERT:

Don't worry. Don't worry.

I've got some cash, OK?

WOMAN:
Thirty dollars, sir.

Thank you.

CELINE:
How could he

do a thing like that?

ROBERT:
Stay calm, OK?

CELINE:
My own father.

He canceled my credit card.

I've never been so humiliated

in all my life.

- I know exactly how you feel.

- You couldn't possibly know.

Only the exceptionally rich

can know how I feel right now.

Don't take it personally.

CELINE:
Is he trying to say

I'll find my own natural level?

Sink to the bottom like her?

ROBERT:
Like who?

Who are you talking about?

Pull over.

ROBERT:
Oh, no.

ROBERT:
Oh, no, no, no.

CELINE:
Live a little.

ROBERT:
This is insane.

CELINE:
Stop worrying so much.

It'll be my first time, too.

ROBERT:

That's what I'm worrying about.

CELINE:
Trust me.

I know what I'm doing.

Next.

CELINE:
Hello.

I'd like to make a withdrawal.

ROBERT:
I thought we agreed...

no clichs.

CELINE:
Fill the bag.

TELLER:

Oh, my God, she's got a gun!

[Whistling]

WOMAN:
Leave my daughter alone.

Please, leave her alone!

- Don't be silly.

- She's going to kill her!

ROBERT:
She's not going to kill

your daughter.

- Yes, I am.

- What?

CELINE:
Shut up.

ROBERT:
Christ, no!

CELINE:
Everybody calm down...,

or this girl's brains

will splatter the wall.

- Fill the bag!

- Celine!

CELINE:
You shut up especially.

ROBERT:

You can't hold the girl hostage.

What?

WOMAN:
Oh, no!

CELINE:

You didn't find it difficult.

- That was different.

- Was it?

CELINE:
Didn't feel different.

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