A Life Less Ordinary Page #4

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Would you like to come in...

Mr. Johnson?

No, I better be on my way.

I have to feed Felix.

CELINE:
OK.

Well...

it was a pleasure to meet you,

Mr. Johnson.

See you around.

I'll catch you later then,

Mr. Johnson.

Take care, Ritchie.

Thanks.

This?

The ransom note.

- Right. Anonymous.

- Yeah.

Robert...

my father knows who you are.

Oh, I never thought of that.

You are the worst kidnapper

I've ever met.

ROBERT:
Oh, and that's all I am

to you, isn't it?

The latest kidnapper!

A lifestyle accessory.

And if it doesn't work,

it doesn't matter...

'cause you can always

get another one.

Quit being so melodramatic.

I'm trying to do my best here...

under really difficult

circumstances!

It's not made any easier...

by you criticizing

everything I do!

- How much you asking for?

- Half a million.

- Dollars?

- Yes.

- U.S. Dollars?

- Is there a problem?

Half a million dollars

isn't a lot of money for me!

It's not meant

to reflect you as an individual.

If word got out I was liberated

for half a million...

I could never show my face

in polite society again.

Diamonds have no value except

that which is placed upon them.

It's more complicated

than I thought!

OK, don't worry...

all right?

You're trying hard.

You're keen to learn.

That's important.

Let's just not

lose sight of the fact...

that we have the opportunity...

to make

millions of dollars here.

We?

Yes, Robert.

You and me.

Is that not a little irregular?

Yes, it is.

Millions?

Please, dad,

just give him the money!

[Sobbing]

He's gonna kill me, daddy!

Please! Just put it

in the trunk of the car...

two miles south of Palmer,

please, daddy!

Daddy!

[Muffled screaming]

[Clock ticking]

[Mumbling]

OK, OK, OK.

OK, OK.

[Shuts door]

[Ticking]

[Ding]

[Electronic beep]

Nice shooting.

Thanks.

[Breathing heavily]

ROBERT:
Sh*t.

[Gasps]

ROBERT:
Aah!

MAN:
No problem.

Exactly as you predicted.

"Quick, drive my car."

[Laughing]

O'REILLY:
Here's forty dollars.

If you don't mind me asking...

how did you know

he'd react like that?

It's our job

to know things like that.

You done

this sort of thing before?

Let's go!

You can take the car,

but remember, it's stolen.

CELINE:
Look,

they weren't trying to kill you.

They were trying to confuse you

and scare you.

ROBERT:

Yeah, before they killed me.

And I lost the car,

and I didn't get any money.

CELINE:
You can't expect to get

everything right the first time.

Look, you are going to be fine.

You are going to be...

a success.

Do you think so?

You didn't get caught, right?

No.

No, I didn't get caught.

I fooled them.

I got away.

Maybe we should go out.

Out where?

For a drink.

What, like on a date?

Yeah, like a date.

[Country music playing

in background]

I wouldn't call it

a bad relationship.

No, Lily and I, we just...

You know,

we just grew apart as people.

There was no bitterness

on either side.

She left you?

No, no, no, no. No!

Yes, she left me.

CELINE:
Mmm.

The aerobics instructor.

How did you know?

CELINE:
You have the demeanor...

of a man who's been left

for an aerobics instructor.

- I do?

- Yeah.

CELINE:
But be honest.

It was inevitable.

You two weren't suited

for one another.

You dream of something better.

She wants it now.

Hence, the gymnast.

Am I right?

ROBERT:
Well, yeah.

CELINE:

Yeah. It's a common scenario.

ROBERT:
Can I tell you about

this dream I have? You're in it.

I'm in your dream?

Now I feel violated.

- Oh, it's not like that.

- I don't wanna hear it.

Perhaps this is

a good opportunity...

to tell you about my novel.

Look, I'm not interested

in your novel.

It's 1962, right?

And Marilyn Monroe...

is giving birth to a baby girl.

She's on the phone

to Jack Kennedy...

saying, " Jack, it's yours.

It's yours, Jack."

So the orphan grows up...

And she solves

some great mystery, right?

It's kind of obvious, Robert.

Let's play a game.

If I win...

I go free.

ROBERT:
Look, you are free.

The kidnap's over.

You're more a kidnapper

than I am Ritchie Vanderlow.

Indulge me, Robert.

Well, if it's what you want.

It's all I ever want.

ROBERT:
OK.

You're free.

That's right.

Aren't you gonna leave?

We haven't got our money yet.

[Singing]

Don't take your love to town

Oh, Ruby

For God's sakes, turn around

TOD:
Big hand! Big hand!

Big hand for local boy

Scottie Sherman.

[Applause and cheering]

We are privileged

to have here tonight...

a very special guest...

who is a close personal friend

of mine...

and I'm gonna ask him

to come up here and sing a song.

He is the best-selling artist

in the world...

with twelve gold albums...

sixteen platinum albums...

and thirty-two

number-one hit singles!

Mr. Ritchie Vanderclaw!

[Wild cheering]

[Barking]

[Ruff ruff]

ROBERT:
Thank you very much.

My name is Rob...

Ritchie Vanderlow...

and, um...

I'd like to sing this song

for my beautiful wife...

CROWD:
Aww.

ROBERT:
Lucille.

Uh...

Oh, and this is

a very special song for us.

[Big band music playing]

[Singing]

Somewhere

Beyond the sea

Somewhere

Waiting for me

My lover stands

On golden sands

And watches the ships

That go sailing

Somewhere

Beyond the sea

She's there

Watching for me

And if I could fly

Like birds on high

Then straight to her arms

I'd go sailing

It's far

Beyond the stars

It's near

Beyond the moon

I know

Beyond a doubt

My heart

Will lead me there

Soon

We'll meet

Beyond the shore

We'll kiss

Just like before

And happy we'll be

Beyond the sea

And never again

I'll go sailing

[Song continues playing]

ROBERT AND CELINE: [Singing]

I know

ROBERT AND CELINE: [Singing]

I know

Beyond a doubt

My heart

Will lead me there

Soon

We'll meet

Touches my heart

to see two young people in love.

Happy we'll be

Beyond the sea

And never again

I'll go sailing

Hmm.

Oh, my God. What happened?

You were great.

I was?

CELINE:
Mm-hmm.

I remember drinking tequila.

CELINE:
Certainly was a feature

of the evening.

ROBERT:
Then I had

an incredible dream.

This dream, I've had it before.

You're definitely in it now.

CELINE:
I don't want to hear it.

ROBERT:
We were on this

game show called Perfect Love.

CELINE:
Never heard of it.

ROBERT:
Well, it's just a dream.

I don't think the fact

that it's a game show...

has any relevance.

It merely indicates

my cultural origins.

I mean, were I a tribesman

in the Kalahari, for instance...

the location would undoubtedly

have been different.

But I think

the theme is universal.

We're on this game show

called Perfect Love.

My life was in danger.

CELINE:
Are you ready?

ROBERT:
Am I ready for what?

CELINE:
To write a letter.

Perhaps you'd like to keep this.

We had it analyzed.

It's his handwriting

and her blood.

JACKSON:
Without our help,

Mr. Naville...

that could be the last trace

of your daughter you ever see.

O'REILLY:
He wants a straight

switch with no delays.

- I want her back.

- Don't worry. We'll get her.

And I want him dead.

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