A Madea Christmas Page #5
I'm s'posed to get in here?
- Pull the seat back.
- I'll sit in the back. Hold on.
No, you don't have to...
Yeah, just pull that back.
You got to get some of them
things to help me get in here.
Is there something to...
Hold on. I got it.
Yeah, that's it. Come on in.
Boy, you got to get a low car here.
- You 'bout to make me mad.
- Give me your hand.
- Now, hold on.
- All right, I got you.
- Good morning, class.
- Good morning.
This is my Aunt Mabel.
But everybody calls her Madea.
I have to go to a meeting down
the hall with Ms. Porter...
and I asked Miss Madea
to keep an eye on you.
Now, you know what to do and
you know how to behave, right?
Yes, ma'am.
- I'll be right back. Thanks, Madea.
- Yeah, I love it.
I love well-behaved children.
That's wonderful.
Y'all look so nice.
Hello. Hello. Now, y'all got to
go back to the Stepford children.
Don't act like you... Don't act
like this. Now, calm the hell down.
I'm in here. Do yourself a favor.
Do the right thing.
- You belong in this class?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay. What's your name?
- Bailey.
Bailey? Okay. Well, go on.
Your teacher went down the hall,
and I'm sitting in for her. Have a seat.
You better hope she comes back.
She's the only teacher
that likes you here.
Don't sit by me. You are so dirty.
Leave that boy alone. Where else
he gonna sit? Sit down, son.
Sit down. Don't worry about her.
Don't you ever pick on somebody just
'cause you can. Do you understand?
They used to do that to me
when I was in kindergarten.
'Cause I was six feet tall,
they all want to talk about me.
I had a full figure and
curves and all that stuff.
They wanted to make fun of me.
But I wasn't having it.
You understand? I fought back.
That's why I got tough-skinned.
You may have to fight back sometimes.
Do you understand?
Don't worry about these people in
here trying to make you feel bad.
You got to be nice to people.
Pass it on, niceness.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, ma'am.
All right, I'm going to write
my name on the board...
so you all will know what my name is.
Ain't no chalk.
Y'all ain't got no chalk?
Ain't got no eraser either.
"No cause..."
Okay. I don't know
what all that mean.
All right. Well,
what we gonna do is...
I'm gonna tell y'all a story.
This is the story of Christmas.
Christmas.
This is what I learned when I
went to school... Sunday school.
This is the story of the nativities.
Little baby Jesus was born.
He was born to the Virgin Mary...
J. Blige, and as Mary was on tour...
she met this man named Joe...
Manganiello, who played a werewolf.
And he was in love with her.
She said, "Joe.
I am thou-ist with the child-ist.
And the holiness is come upon me...
and I'm going to have a baby-ist."
And Joe said, "Really?"
They ain't know what to do.
So he went on and stayed with her...
and they went on 'cause they
was expecting the holy child.
That's right.
And the Bible say in
second "Deuteronomo"...
that when he came to the earth...
he came through the Virgin...
pia colada.
And as she was there...
they were trying to find
somewhere to have the baby...
but they kept going to all these hotels,
and wouldn't none of 'em let them in.
Marriott. Shut the door.
Hilton. Shut the door.
Tried to get to the Ritz-Carlton,
they said, "You don't belong here."
Everybody just got put out.
They went to the Motel 6.
They didn't even leave the light
on for her. She was in the dark.
Anyway, there was Mary...
'bout to have that baby,
so she sat down at a bus stop.
MARTA bus passed by,
wouldn't even pick her up...
to take her to the holy
city of Birmingham.
And as she sat there,
she went into laborer.
And as she started laboring...
a mangy dog walked up beside her.
See, God will send you a dog when
you need it, even if you don't.
And that dog said,
"What's wrong with you?"
And as she sat there,
she had that baby...
and that baby came
next to that mangy dog.
That's why they say he
was born in a mangy.
Hallelujah. Let the Lord use ya.
Okay, that's the story of the baby Jesus.
That's the hip-hop version.
I'm glad I went to church
and to Sunday school. Okay.
Where my purse?
Where my purse?
Y'all ain't seen what
happened to my purse?
I'm gonna tell y'all another story.
This is the story of Easter Sunday.
Jesus was hanging
between two thieves.
One was Baranibus and the
other was the Dinosaurus.
Somebody better find
my purse right now.
- All we have to do is sign that thing?
- Yes.
Lacey told me you needed
So I spoke with my boss and
got the money in advance.
We're both very sure we'll
get the sponsorship.
What's in it for you?
Well, my company gets paid a
10% commission by the company.
You get the entire 100 grand.
It will help us with the shortfall.
- Is everything okay, Wilbur?
- Yes, Your Honor.
It's good. It is good.
All right then. Let's do this.
Wonderful. Here you go.
Now, we'll bring the sponsors down
to the Jubilee for a photo op.
- That's all we ask.
- Of course.
- Thank you, son.
- You got it.
Thank you so much.
You have no idea how
much we needed this.
- It's my pleasure.
- Lacey.
- Thank you.
- This is my town too.
Glad I can help.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
After you.
There you go.
You have no clue how much
you've just helped us. I mean...
It was my pleasure.
I'm glad I could help.
- Thank you again.
- You got it.
- Here.
- What's this?
- It's your Christmas present.
- No. I can't take that.
- Sure you can.
- I really can't.
You've already done
enough for us. Thank you.
What are you doing?
Your mother told me she
thought you missed me.
Look, I know we were children,
but I think about you still.
Listen, Oliver,
that was a long time ago...
- and I actually have to tell you...
- Lacey!
- Get in here. Quick!
- Excuse me.
Hurry!
There's a weird woman in here.
What they did back in the day...
Lacey, who is this?
- My aunt Madea.
- Hi.
What are you doing?
I was just teaching these
children a lesson on Jesus...
from the time he was born
until the time he died on Earth.
She tried to steal my purse, but I
taught her a lesson. Here you go.
Now you have been crowned
the Christmas... Praise. Hallelujah.
- I got her, didn't I? I got her, Bailey.
- Yes, ma'am.
'Scuse me. Oliver, take me to the house.
I'm getting the hell outta here.
We'll talk when I get
back for the Jubilee.
Lucy. How do you even...
How did she...
That's a nice-lookin' tree.
- Hey, baby.
- Hey.
- Are they here yet?
- Nope.
I rushed home. How's my mother?
I don't know. She only
said two words to me.
You think of how you're
gonna handle this yet?
No. Were you able to
talk to your parents?
Nope, no cell phone.
Guess I'll have to talk to
'em now 'cause they're here.
- Hey, hey!
- Hi, y'all!
Hey, hey! Look at you!
Don't you go nowhere.
I'm gonna get your mama.
- I look all right?
- Yeah, you look great.
- Son! Son!
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"A Madea Christmas" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 19 Jan. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_madea_christmas_1960>.
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