A Madea Christmas Page #8

You don't have a clue, talkin'

about sleeping with one eye open.

I hope it's not the lazy one,

'cause that one always look closed.

Them people are not in the Klan.

You put all of this stuff

in front of that door.

All that stuff in

front the damn door.

I go to the bathroom, four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine, 10, 12 times a night...

and if I laugh too hard,

I squirt pee.

You got to move that stuff.

How can I go to the bathroom at

night with all that in front the door?

What this?

- I can't sit on this cup!

- Then stand up.

Conner, I'm sorry.

- Can I ask you something?

- What's that?

- Are you ashamed of me?

- No.

Then why won't you tell her?

I've never let my mother

down my entire life. Okay?

I've done everything

she wanted. Always.

And this is the first time I've

done something that I want.

Conner, it's gonna break her heart.

You gotta understand that.

You have to understand

how this makes me feel.

I love you. I'm proud of us.

I don't care who knows.

- Are you coming to bed?

- You mean the sofa, right?

You know the walls are thin.

My patience is getting

there with this.

And I told her, "You better

get the hell on out the way."

Lord, that was funny.

Your mama was something else.

Here you are, Miss Murphy.

Three little eggs.

Mama, it's fine.

Would you like some coffee, Conner?

No, I gotta tend to the animals.

I can give you a few

pointers if you want to.

- Yeah, that would be great.

- Okay, great.

All right. I'll be outside

if y'all need me.

What kind of farmhand

don't know about farmin'?

- He knows the science of it, Mama.

- No, I heard that last night.

Wait. Why are you

always defending him?

'Cause she like him.

Over my dead body will she end

up with somebody like that.

Somebody like what?

I don't wanna talk about it. We don't

make those kind of jokes, okay?

Hush up, Dragon Lady.

Hush the hell up.

If she like him, she like him.

That's all that is. Just hush.

Excuse me. Good morning, y'all.

This room brings back

so many memories.

Smells like farm.

Good morning, Miss Mandela.

Not Mandela, honey. Madea.

Madea, honey. Hi, sweetheart.

Mrs. Williams,

would you like some coffee?

- I'm gonna get it myself.

- Don't you have to go to school?

Actually, I do. I'm on my way.

I'll talk to you later.

Bye, Miss Mandela.

I had such a crazy,

crazy-ass dream last night.

- Really?

- Yeah. What are you cooking?

- Can I help? I'm good in the kitchen.

- No, I don't need your help.

Eileen!

What? I don't need her help.

I understand. I like to cook

alone myself sometimes too.

- Thank you.

- All right then.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

You oughta be ashamed of yourself.

That ain't being Christian,

being that mean to that woman.

I don't eat food from the KKK.

That woman ain't in no KKK.

Hush that foolishness. Hell.

- I love you, Son.

- Love you too.

Stay warm, okay?

- Stop babying him.

- You need to start babying him.

What's the matter with you?

You did not need to be so

mean to that woman yesterday.

She don't need to be

coming around here.

She seems nice. She just

wants the best for Bailey.

I know what's the best for Bailey,

and that's keeping this place running.

He can learn something in school.

Maybe become something

more than the two of us.

Yeah? Well, school is

gonna have to wait.

Gotta get these "poinsetters" sold.

Think I'm gonna go down to Harrisburg.

Try sell 'em over there.

If you would have talked to Lacey,

you would've found out...

that she has got sponsorship for

the Jubilee, so it is happening.

So you can sell your

poinsettias at the Jubilee.

- Who's the sponsor?

- I don't know.

Who does she think she is?

What you mad for, huh?

The Jubilee is happening.

We don't need her help.

She ain't from around here.

- Well, that's just plain dumb.

- You watch your back talk, Amber.

And you watch your

front talk, Tanner.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Heard about the sponsorship?

Yeah, just found out about it.

- We got a problem.

- What's that?

Sponsor is Sheldon Construction.

Same Sheldon Construction that built

the dam that put us all out of business?

- That's the one.

- Hell no. You see?

Unbelievable.

There is no such thing

as "just a farm boy."

You are smart. You can

be anything you want.

I can only imagine if you could

just stay awake in class.

- Are you up late at night?

- No, ma'am.

I want you to sing the lead

solo at the Christmas Jubilee.

I'm sorry. I can't do that.

- Yes, you can.

- No.

You know what? I really

gotta go, Miss Williams.

My daddy's gonna be

waiting for me at home.

Child, these nipples so tough,

you need a mammogram.

Don't look at me like that.

- But you giving milk.

- Well, hello.

Hey there.

- How are ya?

- Thems pigs was starving to death.

I slopped them, and I've been

trying to get milk for Eileen.

- She's in there trying to cook something.

- Look, he's trying.

- We sure do appreciate you helpin'.

- No. That's fine.

I'll show him how to do it when he

come out of that laboratory thing.

Look like he growing marijuana.

He ain't growing marijuana, is he?

No, he ain't doing that.

Look, he's a smart kid, you know.

He just, well...

- What?

- I'm a truck driver.

I'm out on the road a lot,

you know, and...

he always stayed with his mom

and his grandparents here.

I tell you what, it broke my

heart to be gone so much...

but I just kind of feel a little

guilty about the way he turned out.

- How he turn out?

- Kind of passive, I guess.

Kind of lets people

walk all over him.

I mean, he used to get beat

up a lot in school, bullied.

- Oh, he's soft.

- He's soft.

This kid, Tanner, used to

beat him up all the time.

And he still lives here, that Tanner.

When a person gets tired of a bully,

they handle it, you understand?

You shut it down and you realize that

you ain't gonna deal with it no more.

- Boy, that's the truth.

- Gotta wait for that.

Hey, we were just talking about you.

- Yeah?

- It was all good stuff.

- All good stuff.

- Good.

That one, she just will

not let you milk her.

- The black-and-white one?

- Yep.

There's a reason why you couldn't get

milk from the black-and-white one, son.

If somebody pull on your testicles,

will you give 'em milk?

Don't answer that.

That's a bull.

You can't milk no bull.

You serious, trying to milk a bull?

Blessed.

Son, you got to slop them

pigs early in the morning.

Then you gotta milk these cows

'cause they nipples is tough.

And you can't be gentle.

You got to pull them nipples.

You got to pull them things.

Pull 'em hard.

Pull 'em. Pull 'em. Pull 'em.

You're used to that. Hell, his mama

breast-fed him until he was in ninth grade.

Shut your mouth! Ninth grade?

Her nipples ought to have corrosion.

Yeah. That's right.

You ought to see them things.

They look like cake decorator bags.

Dad, stop it. Come on.

Y'all, sometimes I just think

I'm not cut out for this.

Well, hey, it's just a nipple!

Daddy, I'm talking about farming.

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