A Madea Christmas Page #9

Well, hey, farming's hard, Son.

Yes, farming's hard.

You know what else is hard?

Keeping up a lie...

'cause the longer you let it live,

the harder it is to kill.

- Ain't that right?

- You got that right.

You're a smart woman.

- What are you talkin' about?

- What am I talkin' about?

I'm talking about you and Lacey.

You wanna tell Eileen, or you

want me to tell her y'all together?

- Daddy!

- Hey, I didn't say nothin'.

- Who told you?

- You just did.

Whole body language. Tensed up.

When I walked in the house

the other day, I saw them shoes.

I see the way you look at her,

the way she look at you.

- Y'all need to say something.

- It's not me. I wanna tell her.

It's Lacey. She says she doesn't

think she can handle it.

We just need a defibrillator.

She gonna have a heart attack.

She gonna clutch the pearls and die.

But we'll get a defibrillator.

She'll be all right.

But it's all right.

Y'all just dating.

Dating?

They're married.

Oh, she dead.

Flatline. Just...

Dead. Lord have mercy,

that's going to kill her.

Lacey said she's gonna

tell her on Christmas.

She fixin' to kill her

mama on Christmas Day?

- What kind of Christmas present is that?

- Oh, damn.

Y'all better have some

nitroglycerin or something.

That's a damn shame.

Gonna kill that woman on...

Hell, I'm stuck in the mud.

Hell, this ain't mud!

- You all right?

- I done fell in bull...

Keep going. Help each other out.

- Hi. What's going on?

- It's bad.

Oliver called and told the mayor...

that we couldn't have any references

to the nativity or Jesus.

- What?

- The sponsors don't want it.

No. No, something

is wrong. I'll call him.

Well, the mayor wants to see you now.

- Come on.

- Okay.

Who does he think he is?

All right! That's enough!

That's enough!

One at a time!

I'm very upset.

She is trying to take

Christ out of Christmas.

Next thing you know they'll

wanna take prayer out of church!

You see what happened when

they took prayer out of schools.

We did.

Wilbur, what does it say?

Well, the contract says...

no nativity.

No Jesus reference whatsoever.

Not even a little drummer boy.

Unbelievable.

Why didn't it say that the

first time you read it?

Well, it was in the small print.

I didn't have my glasses on.

I didn't have my glasses on!

I couldn't see!

- This is awful!

- Wait.

This has got to be a mistake.

Let me call Oliver. How about that?

All righty. You go right ahead.

I've already talked to him

about this, but have at it.

Okay.

- Put it on speaker.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Hello?

- Hi Oliver.

- Hey. Guess you talked to the mayor.

Yes, we are all here on speakerphone.

Yeah, I don't see

what the big deal is.

They want it to be called Holiday

Jubilee instead of Christmas.

Yeah, and they don't need

references to religious figures.

How do we talk about Christmas

without talking about Jesus?

- Yeah, how do we?

- It happens all the time,

Santa Claus is okay.

Make it about Santa Claus and

not about the birth of Christ.

And the songs for the Jubilee should

be about everything but Christ.

Sing songs like Here Comes

Santa Claus, White Christmas.

White Christmas.

There ain't nothing white about

a Bucktussle, Alabama Christmas!

- It don't snow here!

- That's right.

Okay, Oliver, we did not

sign up for this. Okay?

Yes, you did.

I am a Christian,

and this is some bull...

The heads of the company are

coming down on a private jet...

A private jet.

To be filmed with the

school at the Jubilee,

I did you a favor here,

and this will ruin me.

You can't do this to me now.

I can't just turn them around.

You have to figure this one out.

- You hold on there, son.

- That's right. You get it straight.

With all due respect, Mr. Mayor,

you got the money and we have a deal.

- Give him his money back.

- Yeah.

- We spent it.

- Yeah.

- On what?

- The Jubilee!

And much-needed school supplies.

And catching up on school bills.

Listen, I'm sorry, but we're coming.

This is my career

you're talking about.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Move, move. Now, watch out.

Well, now this is a fine

mess you've gotten us into.

She should be fired.

- Now hold on a second.

- Mr. Mayor...

have you heard?

We were talking about the

changes they want made.

That's not what I was talking about.

I was talking about the sponsor.

- Sheldon Construction.

- What?

That's right.

The same folks...

that built a dam to save Jasper

and left us without a river.

She brought this mess here

and she should be fired.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring...

We don't care what the

hell you meant. Do we?

- No.

- I didn't think so.

You brought an awful situation here.

Get out of here and let us handle it.

- Go back to wherever you come from.

- Now hold on.

You do not have to

talk to her like that.

Mr. Mayor.

You fire her. Right now.

Do it.

- Lacey, I'm sorry.

- There we go.

I understand.

You believe that? Sheldon.

This is a hell of a mess.

You all do your homework, okay?

And... be good for your new teacher.

Where are you going?

I made a mistake...

and now I have to leave.

No. I'll sing. I'll do the solo.

I don't think there's gonna be

a Christmas Jubilee this year.

I don't want you to go.

Bailey, you are so special.

You always remember that.

- Okay?

- Yes, ma'am.

You all are.

I'll see you.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's fine.

Good job, boys.

I just got done telling Madea...

that you was in here all alone

with Eileen, and she said that...

I said you was in here with

the beast of the southern wild.

I tried. That woman is stubborn.

I tried. I asked her if

I could help her cook.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Yeah, I know. She's difficult.

It's all right. She got a problem,

but it's all right.

- Y'all want some lemonade?

- No, I'm good.

- I'm good. Thank you.

- There you are.

I've been worried about you.

You were out there

with them for a while.

Yeah. I was conflicted.

I didn't know if I should look

for you or watch the food.

I didn't let her near our food.

You whisper like a damn bullhorn.

That woman ain't gonna hurt us.

We don't know that, do we?

What y'all talking about over there?

She just thinks y'all

are tryin' to kill us.

- Tryin' to kill you?

- Good heavens!

- You're nuts!

- I've never hurt a flea or a fly.

I've seen her shoot

a deer once though.

I never. I would never shoot little

Bambi sipping water in a pond.

I'm just gonna ask y'all.

I'm gonna put it out on the table.

- Be honest.

- What is it?

Y'all in the Ku Klux Klan?

- That's what she wanna know.

- Get outta here!

Heavens no. Why would she...

- Buddy, the other night with the sheet.

- Oh, with the sheet!

Yes! Explain that.

We used to play this game, all right?

Buddy and I, when we

were young, he would...

It was called the

Ghost and the Damsel.

And he would blindfold me.

Then he'd put a sheet

above himself...

and then I would have

to search about...

and capture the rapture,

if you know what I mean.

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