A New Kind of Love Page #5

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Seems to get his every wish

ln the park in Paree in the spring

Each lover and his love discover

Nature is a wonderful thing

And they all want to be in the park

ln Paree in the spring

Come on!

There's a policeman.

You know, l've never kissed a

policeman in my whole life.

No wonder l'm emotionally retarded.

A votre service, mais je vous en prie.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Let's get a policeman for Lina too.

l don't want any. Let's put this

kid on a leash.

She's never been looped before.

You know, l'll bet there are a lot

of semi-maidens in this group.

- You bet.

- And a lot of semi-semi-maidens.

And semi-semi-semi-maidens.

ln fact, l'll bet there are a lot of girls

with no control at all.

- Welcome to the club.

- Come on.

What you gonna do with that?

Launch the Eiffel Tower?

l'm gonna help those girls refuel,

get myself a story

and a book full of telephone

numbers.

Hey, you can't go out there.

lt's a rule.

Except for the cops, only girls over 25

are allowed in the parade.

- And they have to be maidens.

- l'll fake it.

Champagne. Champagne.

What's the matter? What?

Champagne.

Give me back my bottle.

No, you don't understand.

l represent the ClA.

No, l'm a maiden too.

Are you hurt?

l'm confused. l didn't know the

Green Bay Packers were in town.

You put up a good fight.

l'm proud of you.

Say, haven't l seen you

someplace before?

- l don't know.

- Oh, yes, on the plane.

Come on, l'll buy you a drink.

Et maintenant, mesdames

et messieurs.

Aprs les messes au Madeleine et

Notre-Dame de Bonne Nouvelle,

- les Catherinettes marchent...

- l can't look at them any more.

All these middle-aged girls

looking for husbands.

l might as well be in Miami Beach.

Jake. Nous voulons le

businessman's lunch.

And be sure the corned beef

is lean.

Un moment, s'il vous plait.

My feet are killing me.

- Merci.

- Corned beef.

l might've known when you said this

was your favorite French restaurant.

De gustibus non disputandum est,

as us fellas say in Latin.

That's what l was trying to say

is wrong with your column.

This kind of language.

Whatever it is.

Everybody's entitled to an opinion.

You're buying the drinks.

l was reading it this morning in the

Paris Daily American.

Here it is.

By Steve Sherman.

''Our president is making another

experiment in futility

by attempting to convince

our transigent French ally

that intransigence itself is militarily

self-hallucinatory.''

To me it makes sense.

Listen. Who needs you to tell us

how to run our government?

Believe me, our government's

in good hands.

Huntley and Brinkley.

You know something?

Joe Bergner, of J. Bergner,

lncorporated, Fifth Avenue,

you ain't telling me anything that

l hadn't already figured out.

- You are absolutely right.

- Of course l'm right.

l am no H.L. Mencken.

Got through college because

l could kick a football a mile.

Graduated ''magna cum lager.''

Who am l fooling?

Not J. Bergner, lncorporated.

Dresses l know. Dresses l sell.

You're a football player.

Write about football.

Or that. You know, that's something

l'm equipped to handle. Sex.

''They paraded through the streets

of Paris,

the unwed maidens in search

of husbands.

The city quivered with unfulfilled

desire.

And as night fell on this

capital of love,

almost every girl had been--''

Continued tomorrow.

lt'll sell papers.

Look, the girls are gonna see

St. Catherine now.

l'll tell you one thing: any saint wants

to get me married

will have to get up very early

in the morning.

l'm with you. Here's to the bachelors

of the world. May our tribe increase.

- How?

- Automation.

Look. They're off and running.

All right, it's true.

l'm just like all the rest.

More than anything in the world,

l want a husband.

Please help me.

My dear child. Why does everyone

come to me?

There must have been

some mistake.

l led a very sheltered life.

l know nothing of men.

Samantha, you're a very

sensible girl,

but you've got too much imagination

for your own good

and too much champagne.

l think you'd better get out of here.

Samantha Blake.

l will never get drunk again.

l will never get drunk again.

l will never get drunk again.

What do you want more than

anything in the world?

More than anything...

...in the whole world...

...l would like for people to stop

calling me Sam.

Then why do you not take off

those awful dark glasses

and comb your hair?

Please. Tell me:

what's the matter with me?

- How much time do we have?

- Just keep it down to the essentials.

You must learn to face the truth,

Samantha.

You must be ready to change

your innermost self.

Where can l do that?

At Elizabeth Arden's.

7 Place Vendome.

You know it very well.

You've passed by six times already,

debating whether you should go in.

- You ask my advice, Samantha?

- Yes.

Go in. Go in and stay all day.

l hope that'll be enough.

l hope so too.

Goodbye, Samantha. And tell the girls

to stop coming here.

l'm sure they have the wrong saint.

l don't think so.

l know you're just my imagination,

but thanks anyway.

Samantha approached her first

beauty parlor

with all the eager willingness of

a soldier facing a firing squad.

Should she?

Shouldn't she?

Could they?

Couldn't they?

And if they couldn't, were they liable

to ruin what she already had,

if they could find it?

lt was a momentous decision.

Once on the attack, Samantha

charged through every salon in Paris,

trying every treatment the French

ever thought of.

Well, almost every treatment.

Harder.

Harder. Harder.

No one would ever direct her

to the men's room again.

Bonjour, mademoiselle.

Bonjour.

Oh, pardon.

S'il vous plait.

Je veux un whisky, tout de suite.

l have to get to a soccer game.

- Certainement.

- Le football.

- Voil, monsieur.

- Grazie.

Monsieur.

Are you interested in the purchase

of some unusual photographs?

Not of the Eiffel Tower.

- Monsieur, your whiskey.

- Merci infiniment.

Merci.

l'm sorry, monsieur.

Obviously you are interested

in something a little more

of the realistic school.

Will you go away?

l come from a long line of hermits.

Eh bien, Monsieur le Hermite,

look about you.

All over the Champs-Elyses

at this hour, you will find some of the

most beautiful women in the world.

You have seen, perhaps,

their picture in the magazines.

On the arm of an Egyptian king.

A Greek ship owner.

An American cinema producer.

These are women, cold, superior,

sophisticated, perfect.

Their jewels are authentic.

Their clothes are authentic.

lndeed, they are authentic all over.

Do you mean to say

that all this lovely smorgasbord

- is on the menu?

- No, no, of course not.

Only the most beautiful,

the most impossible, in your opinion.

Believe me, l know them all.

l wonder.

A column about this kind of sport.

lt ain't football, but everybody

wants to make the team.

Do you think you could fix it up

so l could talk to one of these broads?

- Talk, monsieur?

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