A New Kind of Love Page #7

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nobody's called Mimi anymore.

What do your friends really call you?

Sam.

On the ride from the stadium,

Mimi told me all about

another intimate friend.

Fidel who?

Well, of course, darling,

he was only a student then.

Thank you.

You know, l'd like talk to you

some more, but l've got a problem:

l can't afford your prices.

You couldn't see your way clear

to a little discount operation?

Oh, perhaps.

l don't expect you

to give away green stamps.

Are you sure that thing is dead?

Oh, darling, l find you so amusing.

You're delightful.

- ls that gonna cost me more or less?

- Oh, no, no, no.

l am very well taken care of,

as you can see.

l don't want to take

more of your money.

Yeah, l know,

but if the column goes over,

l might need a couple hours

of your time every day for two weeks.

lt's nothing. You shall be--

How do you call it in America?

My charity case.

Doesn't that make you feel

a little like the Salvation Army?

Only a little.

Well, here you are,

back to the salt mines.

Better not keep your friend waiting.

l hear he's the impatient type.

Are you going in, or do you have to

go around back, like the groceries?

Oh, no, no, no. l am going in.

Hello, Jacques.

A demain, darling.

Till tomorrow.

Sure. Be good.

Sorry.

Goodbye, darling.

Don't shoot, s'il vous plait.

l'm going.

Taxi.

Taxi.

lt was something

Mimi might regret in later years.

She never got a chance

to play the palace.

l don't know why l did it.

First, l was angry with him,

and then when he didn't recognize me,

it was a silly game with a silly accent.

l was getting even.

But then, when he fell for it,

when he actually thought

l was one, that's such an insult.

That's one thing any man

will believe about any woman,

any time, anyplace, anywhere.

And let's keep it like that.

lt's the best thing we have on them

outside of community property.

l suppose l overdid it as far as

the makeup was concerned,

- but l'd never realized men would--

- l got a whiff of that perfume.

Don't put it on any stronger, or the

moose'll be coming out of the swamps.

l suppose l should've told him

the truth right away,

but now he's gonna hate me

for making a fool out of him.

Well, that's no problem.

You're never gonna

see him again, are you?

Here's a man that's insulted you

in every possible way.

First, he thinks you're a boy.

Next, he thinks you're a--

''Filly de joy''?

l don't l know if l pronounced it right,

but that's the way they spell

in the Ladies' Home Journal.

So why would you wanna

meet him again?

l haven't the vaguest idea.

And if l don't see him tomorrow,

l'm gonna slit my throat.

Oh, Lina,

what's the matter with me?

Nothing, baby.

You just defrosted too fast,

and your knees have melted.

''Mimi came out for the second half,

with the score nothing-nothing,

determined to protect her goal line

against the prince and his team.

Although the playing field

was growing slippery,

she managed to keep her feet,

which, as we all know,

is half the battle in any sport.

But just before

the whistle blew, she tripped.

And there went the old ball game.''

Oh, you'll have to write more

like this one.

- You'll either get rich or arrested.

- Eat your French dip pastrami.

You know, sometimes l think there's

more good in a dame like that--

Open, no beating around the bush--

Than a dozen blushing debutantes

whose fathers see that they

wind up with the highest bidder.

The next day saw the start of one

of those cross-country bicycle races

the Europeans love.

l made another date with Mimi and we

covered it together from the press car,

right through the heart

of the city of Paris.

lt was a beautiful day for a race,

but l didn't spend much time

admiring the scenery or the racers.

My charming companion

was telling me the story of her life.

lt made Cleopatra

sound like Mother Machree.

As we rounded the turn

into the Bois de Boulogne,

Mimi was telling me about

an adventure she had once

with a foreign millionaire.

On a bicycle.

lt seems she'd had adventures on

almost everything except a pogo stick.

Her sense of balance, apparently,

was phenomenal.

As l listened, l could see

my next column writing itself.

Help! Help! Help!

Only a few more houses

to cover, and then it'll be all over.

Somehow, l wish it could just go on.

Somehow, l wish

you were paying the hotel bills.

Sam, a pencil.

So where's the pencils today?

They stopped growing out of her head.

Maybe they'll bloom in the spring.

Here you are. Haven't you noticed

that Samantha has changed lately?

l am sure you're in love.

lsn't it true?

- l don't know.

- That's the worst kind.

lt usually is fatal.

But l approve of your hair,

and l approve of your dress.

l approve of yours. That's a real

snappy number you got on.

- Thanks.

- l feel a plate of onion soup coming on.

So there's prohibition in this country

against onion soup?

Help me pick out a tie, and we'll go to

that little place with the sausages--

Oh, no. Tonight, l take you to a lovely

little restaurant called Tour d'Argent.

And after that, a charming night club,

Elephant Blanc, and after that...

Can you imagine Bergner

in the Tour d'Argent?

She'll slip something

in his pumpernickel.

Are you doing any better,

Miss False Eyelashes?

No, l'm running

out of stories to tell him.

l've been through Camille five times,

once backwards, and l'm coughed out.

l need some new material.

Why don't you ask Felicienne.

l have an idea she wrote

the training manual.

Lina.

l'm sorry.

About Joe, l mean.

You just take care of yourself

with that reporter fellow.

You know, it only takes one editor

to put a whole newspaper to bed.

Darling.

- You coming with us tonight?

- No, but thank you.

But, Felicienne, perhaps you could

help me with something.

Why, of course, l'd be delighted.

Do you have any friends

who might have had some...

...adventures of a particularly

unusual nature with men?

Oh, darling, this is Paris.

l don't have any friends who have not.

Do you remember

any particularly memorable?

l see we're going to have a girls' talk.

You're in love with a Frenchman,

and you want me to tell you

how to proceed.

Well, it's not exactly one individual.

lt's more like l'm syndicated.

Well, congratulations.

Well...

...l had a rather interesting evening

with the Comte de Bauvay.

- Do you know him?

- l've heard the name.

We had a flaming affair, Sizi and l.

- Sizi?

- Yes.

He was madly in love with me.

Now, then, let me see,

how did it begin?

Oh, yes, it was raining, of course.

lt's always raining.

And his wife, the countess,

was away, but then she's always away.

And he asked me if l would like to take

a bath in champagne with him,

so how could l say no?

And it's so much easier to say yes.

So l arrived at midnight,

and the Comte de Bauvay--

- Sizi, he is called by his friends.

- Of whom you are the friendliest.

Oh, yes. Well, possibly.

At any rate, the Comte de Bauvay,

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