A Night at the Roxbury Page #11

VIVICA:

(stopping him)

Steve!

Steve stops, looks at her.

STEVE:

Viv, you know what I heard when I

first met you?

VIVICA:

What?

Steve starts making a very loud inappropriate shrill

ambulance siren sound -- over and over.

VIVICA:

What are you doing?

Steve stops.

STEVE:

That's an ambulance. Coming to

take me away because the sight of

you just stopped my heart.

Steve is very proud of his comment, and makes another

siren sound.

CUT TO:

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Doug is sitting next to Cambi, trying to think of

something to say.

DOUG:

(trying to be suave)

So, Cambi, can I ask you

something? Do you like

blueberries or strawberries?

MR. CAMBI

Why?

DOUG:

I want to know what type of

pancakes to order you in the

morning.

He looks proud of his line as we begin to hear Steve O.S.

-- from the next room -- making more SIREN SOUNDS, over

and over.

DOUG:

You know, I was wondering...

(snaps, annoyed at

siren sound)

Steve!

STEVE (O.S.)

(stops siren sound)

... Sorry!

DOUG:

I was wondering...

Doug starts looking at Cambi's shirt label.

CAMBI:

What are you doing?

DOUG:

Checking your label. Just as I

thought. Made in heaven.

CAMBI:

Doug, you've gotten past the

opening line.

DOUG:

Hey, is that a mirror in your

pocket?

CAMBI:

What?

DOUG:

'Cause I can see myself in your

pants.

CAMBI:

Hey, Doug, if I said you had a

nice body, would you hold it

against me?

DOUG:

(confused)

What?

CUT TO:

INT. GUEST BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Steve and Vivica sitting on the bed.

STEVE:

And this guy on the phone turns

around and he tips his hat like

this.

Doug does a "tip your hat" motion.

STEVE:

And who do you think the guy was?

Vivica is bored.

CUT TO:

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION.

Doug is telling Cambi the same story.

DOUG:

And Steve was like 'Emilioooo!'

CUT TO:

INT. GUEST BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Steve is telling the story.

STEVE:

... Emilioooo!

CUT TO:

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Doug still telling story.

DOUG:

Emilioooo! And it was really him.

CAMBI:

Is this your first time?

DOUG:

What? Oh my God. That is

hilarious. That is so hilarious!

(yelling at the door)

Steve, did you hear that?

(to Cambi)

You don't even know how funny that

is. You are funny. You don't

even know how funny you are! Man!

Cambi pounces on Doug with a kiss.

CUT TO:

INT. GUEST BEDROOM - CONTINOUS ACTION

Vivica is inches away from Steve's mouth.

STEVE:

Vivica, I've been thinking. Our

relationship is really going

strong now. We've had some great

times together that I'll never

forget. Remember when I saw you

at the pool?

VIVICA:

Yeah?

STEVE:

So, I was just remembering back.

(sighs)

You know, an open dialogue is an

essential element to any

successful long term relationship.

I think we have something special

going on here and I don't want to

move too fast.

VIVICA:

Is this your first time?

STEVE:

Yes. Isn't it yours?

Vivica smiles and pounces on Steve, knocking him OUT OF

FRAME.

CUT TO:

INT. MANSION HALLWAY - LATER

The bedroom doors simultaneously open. Doug and Steve

excited, run into the hallway.

STEVE:

Doug, oh my god!

DOUG:

Oh my God! Did you just? 'Cause

I just!

STEVE:

This is unbelievable!

DOUG:

This is historical! This what

it's all about! Up Top!

They high-five. Doug suddenly catches himself, changes

back to cool attitude -- Steve follows.

DOUG:

Not that it hasn't happened before.

STEVE:

Of course not.

DOUG:

I mean it was alright.

STEVE:

The usual.

They stand there, posing cool, but awkward for a beat.

STEVE:

I'm gonna go back in the --

DOUG:

Me, too. I'll see you later.

They run back in the bedrooms.

CUT TO:

EXT. BUTABI HOUSE - DAWN

Mr. Zadir's limo pulls up. Doug and Steve get out, shut

door. Car drives off. The guys stand in place, in

reverie.

DOUG:

Hey, Steve?

STEVE:

Yeah, Doug.

DOUG:

That was great.

STEVE:

I know. Are we A club people now?

Doug looks at him -- then to answer, he pulls out a small

piece of paper, shows it to Steve.

STEVE:

You got a number! Wooo!

DOUG/STEVE

Woo! We got a number!

They jump up and down, embracing, happy as hell.

CUT TO:

INT. DOUG AND STEVE'S ROOM - NEXT DAY

Doug is working feverishly at his desk. There are phone

books, rolodex, staplers, notepads in front of him.

Steve enters with a shopping bag.

DOUG:

Where have you been? We've got to

get ready for our business meeting

with Mr. Zadir?

STEVE:

I got some great new supplies for

our business.

Steve starts pulling items out of the bag, Doug doesn't

pay attention.

STEVE:

'Post Its' to annotate important

documents. 'Little Post Its'

'cause you write smaller than me.

'While you were out' pads -- for

while you are out. Scotch tape,

in case the Post Its lose their

adhesive-osity. And mugs with our

names on them. Yours says,

'Doug.'

Doug turns around.

DOUG:

Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

STEVE:

(interrupting)

Did you call Mr. Zadir?

DOUG:

Steve, before you talk to a man like

Mr. Zadir, you have to have a fully

developed plan of attack. You have

to have all your ducks in row.

STEVE:

I didn't know to get ducks.

DOUG:

That's an expression.

STEVE:

So, we're going back to the dance

club idea?

DOUG:

Yeah. Now you set up the office.

I'm gonna call some real estate

people to talk about locations.

At that point, I'd like to

schedule a meeting. Can you do

tweleve thirty.

Doug checks his Filofax. Steve unwraps a new Filofax and

starts looking through it.

STEVE:

I'm clear.

DOUG:

Great. Be prepared to discuss

possible club names and themes.

STEVE:

What about music?

DOUG:

We'll have to schedule another

meeting for that. Hey, you know

what? Maybe we should have a pre-

meeting to brainstorm before our

scheduled meeting.

STEVE:

Yeah. That way we won't look like

idiots at our meeting.

DOUG:

Exactly. Okay, I'm gonna roll a

few calls. We should order in.

STEVE:

I can take care of that.

(to door)

Ma!

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