A Night at the Roxbury Page #6

DOUG:

(exploding)

That's right. And is that all you

want to do with your life? Is

that all you think we're capable

of doing --

Two hot bikini babes walk past them. Guys immediately

stop arguing and turn. We --

CUT TO:

SAME SCENE - WIDE ANGLE

-- to see the guys full body, for the first time.

They're wearing black Gucci G-string bathing suits. They

flex and hold uncomfortable body positions to show off

their muscles.

DOUG:

What's up?

STEVE:

Want to go for a swim or what?

DOUG:

(strangled, twisting

arm unnaturally)

... about quarter after... five

The girls walk away. The guys stop flexing and resume

their argument.

DOUG:

-- capable of doing with our

lives!

STEVE:

Hey, Doug, why are you Mt. St.

Helensing on me?

DOUG:

Because I want more for you. I

care about you.

STEVE:

That is so sweet of you.

DOUG:

I know. And you deserve better.

You deserve to get into the

Roxbury.

STEVE:

Doug, there's a list. You have to

be like a Richard Grieco type guy.

DOUG:

Steve, we are the Richard Grieco type

guys. We should be on that list.

We're 'A' club people leading a

'B' club life.

STEVE:

We've been going to 'B' Clubs?

Why didn't you ever tell me this?

DOUG:

I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

I know how sensitive you are.

DOUG:

'Cause we settle. 'Cause we keep

going to all those 'B' clubs ever

night They can smell 'B' club on us

like barf in a bathroom. From now

on, the only club we go to is the

Roxbury.

STEVE:

But, how --

DOUG:

But, nothing.

STEVE:

We can't --

DOUG:

We can. And we will. Because no

matter how many lists and roped

off areas the big bouncer in the

sky throws in front of us, we will

get through. You know why?

STEVE:

We're good-looking?

DOUG:

Very good-looking. You especially.

Now, repeat after me.

STEVE:

'After me.' Sorry. I'm just

kidding.

DOUG:

(completely serious)

And it was hysterical. I'm just not

laughing to preserve the drama of the

previous moment.

STEVE:

Understood. Continue.

DOUG:

Repeat after me. We can get in the

Roxbury.

STEVE:

We can get into the Roxbury.

STEVE/DOUG

Roxbury! Roxbury! Roxbury!

They leap up and down. Two girls walk by. They

immediately stop.

DOUG/STEVE

What's up?

CUT TO:

INT. BUTABI LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Mr. Butabi, Mrs. Butabi, Fred Anderson, MABEL ANDERSON,

Fred's middle America wife, and Emily are having coffee

in the living room. Emily is obviously dressed up to

attract Steve.

MR. BUTABI

(mid-conversation)

... And then, and I swear this is

true, someone came into the store

today and thought it was a real

plant store.

MABEL:

No?

MR. BUTABI

I would not kid about that.

Doug and Steve burst in, still in their black Gucci G-

strings, head up the stairs.

MR. BUTABI

Hello?

Doug and Steve turn.

DOUG:

Hey.

STEVE:

What's up?

MR. BUTABI

The Andersons here. Get dressed

and come join us.

STEVE:

Okay.

DOUG:

Steve! Sorry, Dad, we're busy

tonight.

EMILY:

I like your bathing suit, Steve.

STEVE:

Thanks Emily.

DOUG:

Steve, again!

STEVE:

I mean, whatever, Emily.

DOUG:

Nice to see you, folks.

The guys rush upstairs. Suddenly, we hear MUSIC pounding

from their room.

MR. BUTABI

Excuse me a minute.

Mr. Butabi goes upstairs.

INT. DOUG AND STEVE'S ROOM - NIGHT

The guys are picking out their clothes in the closet

Mr. Butabi enters and shuts off the MUSIC.

MR. BUTABI

If I tell you to do something, you

do it. And what is this business

of coming in naked. Put on your

pants and come down.

DOUG:

Ain't on our 'Things to do' list.

Daddy-o. Steve and I have

something extremely important to

do tonight.

MR. BUTABI

Yes, to come downstairs.

DOUG:

Dad!

Doug goes in their bathroom and slams the door.

MR. BUTABI

Why can I not get through to him?

STEVE:

Dad, Doug is like a fax machine.

You just keep putting things in,

face down, and you need to have a

cover page, because if you don't

-- people don't know where it's

coming from and sometimes you

don't get through on the first

call. That's why you got a redial

button and a memory button

because... you know... actually, I

never use those buttons. I always

screw it up. I don't know.

Doug opens the bathroom door.

DOUG:

(to Steve)

Don't try to explain it to him.

He'll never understand.

MR. BUTABI

Oh, I understand. You are going

out tonight.

DOUG:

That's right.

MR. BUTABI

I just don't understand what

you're driving.

Mr. Butabi takes their keys off the dresser and grabs

their cell phones and starts to exit.

DOUG/STEVE

Hey! Dad! What are you doing!

Mr. Butabi exits.

INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER

Emily is standing, singing "Memories" from Cats.

Everyone is listening.

EMILY:

'Memories, all alone in the

moonlight...'

Fred nods "isn't she good" to Kamehl, who agrees.

Steve and Doug, dressed to kill, stomp down the stairs.

Doug turns to Mr. Butabi.

DOUG:

You can take away our phones. You

can take away our keys. But, you

can't take away our dreams!

STEVE:

That's right. 'Cause we're like

sleeping when we have them.

DOUG:

Later much.

The guys exit. Steve pauses a moment.

STEVE:

Emily, nice voice.

DOUG (O.S.)

Steve!

Steve exits.

CUT TO:

EXT. BUTABI HOUSE - CONTINOUS ACTION

Mrs. Butabi runs after them, holding old brick-sized

cell phones.

MRS. BUTABI

Boys! Boys!

The guys stop.

MRS. BUTABI

I don't like you going out without

a phone. What if something

happens?

She hands them the cell phones.

DOUG:

Ma, these are embarrassing.

MRS. BUTABI

Take it in case of emergency.

She kisses them and walks back in.

DOUG:

Did Ma get lipstick on me?

STEVE:

Yeah, but it looks like you were

making out.

DOUG:

Oh, good.

In b.g., Mom gets knocked over by Great Danes. No one

notices.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNSET BLVD. - LATER

We see the van driving down the street.

INT. SILK GARDEN VAN - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Doug Pulls down sun visor, checks his hair. Tries rear-

view mirror -- still good. Then leans across Steve,

who's driving, and looks in the driver's side

view mirror -- still good.

DOUG:

Steve, how's my hair?

STEVE:

Looks good.

DOUG:

Roxbury good?

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