A Running Jump Page #2

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Nah, don't know what you're talking about.

Right. This is interesting, right?

The Mayans invented a calendar, right?

Now, this is thousands

of years ago in "Mejico".

Sorry, Mexico.

They believed in cycles, right?

Now, each cycle lasts 5,125 years

and at the end of each cycle

is a major change. I mean,

a massive geological shift.

Now, we...

we are in the final

stages of the fifth cycle

and they predicted, the Mayans,

that at the end of the fifth cycle,

the Earth and the Sun would

come into direct alignment...

.. with the Great Rift.

The Great Rift is the dead

centre of the Milky Way.

Now this is scientifically

proven, this will happen,

and this cataclysmic event will

take place on the 21st December 2012,

just before Christmas.

It's mind-blowing.

Who knows what'll happen?

Millwall's a Scottish team.

There's something you didn't know, eh?

You see, years ago, these lads

come down from Dundee

to make jam for the sailing ships,

SS Whatshername.

A lot of people thought

Alf Ramsay was of Roman extraction,

but he always denied it. Funny, that.

Is he going to be much longer?

No, no, no. He won't be long.

Only be a minute.

Hi, Dad! Are you here?

Is that you, Hayley?

No, it's me.

Has the geezer been here?

Yeah.

All right? Where's Dad?

He's on his way.

He phoned me. Give us a lift to work!

- No!

- Go on, I'm running late.

- All right, then. Hurry up.

- Oh, thanks!

I'll put the meter on.

Nijinsky.

Where do you think he was born?

What?

He's the only racehorse

I know come from Canada.

Do you like the flat or the jumps?

Here! Who won the Derby in 1953?

I don't know.

Pinza.

Yeah, I like the flat and all,

but the greatest jumper of all

was Red Rum. Three times he

won the National, three times!

They buried him at the finishing post.

Big lump in the ground. Horse-shaped.

- Have you seen me necklace?

- No.

I'm not usually such a mess!

- Hello, babe.

- All right, Dad.

Sorry to keep you waiting. Terrible traffic.

I'm Doug.

Hello, Dad, you here again?

Let's do some business.

Want a cup of tea?

Coffee? It's Roger, innit?

- Step this way, I'll sort you out.

- It's Gary, actually.

Let me get my keys. You'll love this.

Get me paperwork.

Hold onto your money, it's all outside.

Follow me.

Now, do yourself a favour, Roger.

If you're going to buy a car,

it's a lot of money, so you want to

make an educated choice.

Choose wrong, you're in trouble.

Choose right, you're in clover,

and I'm your man. Now,

you've got three cars here.

You got your town car,

lovely metropolitan blue,

- goes great over speed bumps.

- No, no...

You got your country car. Seat in the back

for the dogs, roof rack.

- And for the beach, your four by two.

- Four by four! - Yeah, all right, Dad.

So that's your choice.

That's the car for you,

it's got your name on it, it's a lovely car.

- Ladies love it. You'll have

Dorises hanging at the window.

Listen...

Do yourself a favour, sit in here

and experience state-of-the-art

Japanese technology. Live a little.

Get in. It's like Tokyo on a Saturday night.

- You can almost smell the geisha girls.

- No, listen...

- Dad, what are you doing?

- What?

I'm trying to earn a living. Give us

five minutes. Why don't you go home?

This car, if I had a showroom

with all the overheads,

that'd be three grand. I'd do it for 1,200

but I can do it for you for 1,100

and I'll tell you why, Rog.

- Gary.

- What?

It's Gary.

Yeah, whatever... Gary. Now, I'm going to

be honest with you, Gaz.

- I sold the Punto.

- I don't believe...

You know I told you to come today as

I had a geezer coming tomorrow?

He came yesterday with his daughter

and she was wetting her knickers

over the motor. She loved it,

but he didn't have the dosh. Tragic.

This morning, first thing,

I'm eating my bacon sandwich

and they knock at the door.

In five minutes, she standing there,

weren't she, on my mother's life.

She's crying her eyes out, she wants the car

and the old man's pleading with me,

"Please, she hasn't slept all night,

do me a deal. "

I said, "I can't. I've a reliable

customer called Gary coming

- "and he'll give me 750 quid for it. "

- Yeah, which I've got in my bag!

Now, I may be a businessman, Gary,

but I've a heart of gold, haven't I?

- Heart of gold, yeah.

- My old man is always telling me,

"Remember, you're running a business. "

I always told him.

But I said no, didn't I, Dad?

I'm a father first.

I've got daughters, I know how he feels.

- Yeah, but...

- So I'm sorry, but I sold your Punto.

But if I look in your eyes,

I can tell you'd have done the same

because you and me, we're two of a

kind, ain't we? We're peas in a pod.

Am I right?

- Not really.

- There you go. Now,

this Merc has got full service history,

it's built like a tank

and it'll run forever.

I can do it for you for 1,500 quid.

I can't afford that!

- How much you got?

- 750.

Let me tell you something about life.

You get what you pay for.

- If you stretch it a bit further...

- I can't stretch any further!

- I've got the perfect car for you.

- Oh, this is nice. - That's not his.

Dad, make us a cup of tea, will you?

Do us a favour.

Yeah, this is a lovely car.

I sold it yesterday. Two lesbians,

they're picking it up Thursday.

Now, this is a family car.

- Are you a family man?

- No.

But you're generous, aren't you?

You give everyone a lift.

People are always in and out

of your car, am I right?

See? I know. This car,

I'd do it for 1,200 quid,

- I can do it for you for a grand.

- See, the Fiat was only 750.

Fair point. I've got the

perfect car for you.

It's within your price range

and only five minutes away.

You got five minutes? Good. Your

quest for perfection is over.

You'll remember this day for

the rest of your life,

and you'll be coming back to me for years.

They always do.

Go on, hop in, we'll be there in a jiffy.

- I don't do this for everyone.

- Where's he going to go?

In you get.

Grandad, come on! Hurry up! I'm late!

Come on.

- All right, he keep your hair on.

- We haven't got all day.

Oi!

I've just got to get the keys and paperwork.

Won't be a minute!

No, I don't want any...

- Look, it's my daughter

Hayley. Ain't she gorgeous?

Hayley, do me a favour,

keep him sweet for a minute.

Do you want a cup of tea?

No!

Hiya.

Hello.

You buying a car from my dad, then?

Yeah. Well...

He's taking you on his magical mystery tour?

- What do you mean?

- Oh, nothing.

- I've just seen your double.

- Have you been drinking?

I've got it, Gal. Come on, hop in.

Ain't got all day. Time's money.

See you, treacle.

When are you going to pass

your driving test, then?

It's not my fault they

keep failing me, is it?

- How many times have you taken it now?

- It don't matter, does it?

- Four, innit?

- Only three, actually.

Hayley got hers first time, didn't she?

Hayley this, Hayley that! I'm not my sister!

Oh, don't go dying on me! I'm running late!

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