A Very Sordid Wedding Page #10

"Thou shalt not lie with

mankind as with womankind,

it is an abomination."

I've never lied with a woman once

the way I lie with you, babe.

- Stop.

- And the New Testament

certainly tells women to be silent.

And Vera, Mrs. Barnes,

Hortense,

y'all never shut up.

And Tinky, Gail,

y'all issued three of

my five wedding licenses,

and adultery is riddled

all over both testaments,

and says that adulterers

should be stoned to death.

I demand that you sit down right now

and stop hijackin' this

service with your own agenda,

in support for this

deviant, perverted behavior.

I am not done.

And unless you want a

scene that involves kickin'

and screamin' and scratchin'

and clawin' out some

eyeballs, and takin' that Bible

and beatin' you with it the

way you beat people with it,

then I would advise you

to back off and regroup

until I am done.

[Kyle] Go, Latrelle.

Latrelle's not normally this violent

but you have set her off, so just...

Sissy, please read the scripture

that I have chosen for my sermon.

"John 4:
7.

"Dear friends,

let us love one another."

That's all.

Simple.

Just love.

Says it all, doesn't it?

My son Ty...

and his husband, Kyle,

have now gotten married in

every state except Texas.

Gay activists, they're called. They did it

as a publicity thing for Ty's

job, which helps the gays.

And we taught our son to

fight for what is right.

And I'm ashamed to say

that I always found a reason

not to attend their

weddings. And I'm sorry, Ty.

Kyle, truly sorry.

I guess because, deep down,

just went against

everything that I's taught,

right here in Southside Baptist.

But then somethin' happened

that changed my heart.

Ty and Kyle,

they're gonna be daddies.

And you, Reverend Brewton,

just preached that gays

should not be parents,

that they are pedophiles.

That is the truth.

Liar! It is so far from it.

I know my boy. He is not that.

He is not capable.

He has a good heart, pure.

And you know him too.

And I know you love him.

All those sermons like this one tonight,

callin' my beautiful son

and his beautiful husband

pedophiles, abominations,

sinners, well,

those sermons are wrong.

I preach the word of God.

No, you cherry-pick

what serves your agenda.

Sissy has proven that tonight.

And we must stop

villainizing our own children.

Tellin' them that they are

not worthy of God's love,

because they are.

Just as they are.

And right now, just down

the street at Bubba's bar,

they are celebratin' the life of my mama...

who did not die from a tumor

that was pressin' against

the sexual part of her brain. I lied, okay?

A real sin, to cover up the truth.

But no more cover-ups.

My son...

is gay.

And I am proud of him.

All of him.

And so I would like to turn

my mama's celebration of life

into a celebration of love,

and end this hateful night

led by this hateful person.

So, I invite all of you to come with me and

with my Aunt Sissy, and

with my son and son-in-law,

and my brother, Brother Boy.

Well, I guess y'all didn't

think I was gonna make it,

did you, bigots?

Come on, Latrelle, I got a show to do.

["Womanhood" by Tammy Wynette playing]

[Latrelle and Sissy whispering]

[Announcer] Ladies and

gentlemen, please help me

welcome to the stage the

first lady of country music,

Miss Tammy Wynette.

He said "Hold on, Patricia"

I only tried to kiss you

She said, "Okay," but

then Said, "Don't you dare"

She seems so badly shaken

He thought he was mistaken

But it sure looked like

She bowed her head in prayer

Hey, Vonnie, I gotta get back to the bar.

- Okay, I'll see you later.

- See you, sweetie.

But I'm a woman too

If you are listenin', Lord

Please show me what to do

I'm tryin' hard to be

What Mama says is good

As I slip into My womanhood

[Sissy] What's he doin'?

Oh, it's his new act. It's called

"We Three Queens of Opry Are."

I gotta get these boots off.

[sighing] Fix my wig.

Is he... is he bringin' back Loretta?

He sure is. Sing it Loretta, whoo!

Big cabbage.

[audience applauding]

Sissy Spacek, eat your heart out.

You've come to Tell me something

- Thank you, Loretta.

- You say I ought to know

[Sissy] Oh, this brings

back memories, don't it?

And I'll have to let it go

You say you're Gonna take him

I want you to meet my wife.

And I would like you to meet my husband.

I'm Kyle.

Hello, Kyle.

Women like you

They're a dime a dozen

You can buy them anywhere

For you to get to him

I'd have to move over

And I'm gonna Stand right here

It'll be over my dead body

So get out while you can

'Cause you ain't woman

Enough to take my man

Ah, great...

[crowd applauding]

If I had these titties, I'd rule the world.

Is that who I think it is?

Yes, yes, it's Dolly! [laughing]

Look at them titties! Oh, my word!

Now a man will Take a good girl

And he'll ruin Her reputation

But when he wants to marry

Well, that's a Different situation

He'll just walk Off and leave her

To do the best she can

While he looks For an angel

I am so confused.

To wear his wedding band

Now I know that I'm no angel

If that's what you

thought you'd found

Latrelle, Latrelle, come here.

I was just The victim of...

Latrelle, Latrelle, come here.

[woman] Get me one.

Tip him, put it down his

bosom. Come on, come on.

Take that dollar, put it down his bosom.

Oh, now get off.

My mistakes are No worse than yours

Just because I'm a woman

Now my mistakes are

No worse than yours

Just because I'm a woman

[audience applauding and cheering]

[Earl yelling excitedly]

You were so great. Mwah, mwah.

[Sissy yelling]

You were amazing.

- Look at them titties.

- I'm amazed.

- Really?

- Really.

Just amazing.

[gentle, uplifting piano music]

Oh, my.

Real good.

I don't wanna steal the bride's thunder.

Is my hair too big?

Too big? What does that even mean?

Oh!

Oh, stop that!

But not anytime soon.

[imitating purring]

I feel like Big Bird.

I think this one can be repeated.

What is she doing?

Looks like she's taken it upon herself

to be the flower girl.

[Latrelle] Oh, she's ruining the wedding.

[gasps]

What are you doing?

Seriously.

Scoot over, sug.

[Roger] Ah, what the f***?

The royal family is falling

apart because of inbreeding.

["Bridal Chorus" playing]

Stand.

Oh, pinch me, so I'll know

this is really happening.

Ouch!

Yeah, it's really happening.

You found love, Bubba.

Yeah.

[sighing]

[choking up]

Surprise, everybody. It's

gonna be a double wedding.

Runnels County is now a sanctuary of love,

and we are havin' our first gay wedding.

[audience applauding]

F*** yeah!

["Bridal Chorus" playing]

Is everybody here white?

Yes, Mama. Please.

Well,

we are here to celebrate love.

Now, who in their right

mind would have ever thought

that we could have such a beautiful wedding

for such wonderful couples right here,

in the state of Texas?

Amen?

[Audience] Amen.

First Corinthians 13 says,

"Love is patient."

And I think that scripture

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