A Weekend with the Family Page #4

prettier than your pictures.

-Thank you.

-We could be twins.

[speaking in Korean]

Whoa!

The hell is that all about?

[mocking John]

Mom, Dad, this is the Clancys,

the beautiful family of my Courtney.

Her father, John Clancy.

Her mother, Seoyeon Clancy.

[Sue and Travis exchange greetings

in Korean]

Her sister, Catherine Clancy.

Bow again. Bow again.

One more time.

-It is very nice to meet all of you.

-Nice to meet you as well.

Everybody clapping.

-[clapping]

-[indistinct chatter]

Aren't you gonna introduce us to them?

[clears throat] Exactly,

I was just about to...

Clancys, meet my family, the Stankershets.

This is my mother, Niphateria.

Niphateria Lorraine James Stankershet.

Everybody just call me Nip though.

-[laughing uncontrollably]

-[Dingo] Nip, nip...

Stop, nigga.

You dead tonight, you gonna get...

My brother...

That is Brante Alexander Emmanuel

Mount Zion-On-The-Rock Stankershet, sir.

A survivor of the war in Afghanistan

against terrorism.

But you can call me Sarge.

[Nip] All right, easy.

-And this is my father, Henry.

-But you can call me Dingo.

Dingo!

What is that short for?

That's short for... mandingo, baby.

[Nip] Yes, Jesus.

That thing anything but short.

[Nip laughs]

You know what I'm saying to you, baby?

-Push that thing...

-Okay, Dingo.

Cut that out. Okay, come on, now.

All right, we ain't trying to put

no bad impression on these nice people.

So, your name is Stankershet?

-I thought it was Stanley...

-It is...

Since he also diddy-ass,

he wanna drop the Stankershet.

You know what I'm saying?

I guess he felt like Stanley sounded

a little bit more,

how you say it, cock-a-zoid.

So he ditched the family name

and the family business.

Leave PP alone, just leave him alone.

So tell me, what exactly

is your last name?

I named him

Travis Avante Emmanuel Mount Zion-On-

The-Rock [clicks tongue] Stankershet.

You know I could not decide

between Travis N and Deontay.

So I just combined 'em both,

I think it's kinda cute, ain't it?

Sounds Swahili, don't it? [clicks tongue]

Y'all wanna see some pictures?

Mamma, don't do the pictures...

Hey, boy, look at me.

Now, don't get your ass whooped in front

of these little Malaysians up in here.

Your mamma's just happy to see you,

you understand?

Yes, sir.

[gong rings]

Oh, sh*t. What the hell is that?

Dinner is almost ready.

You could have just told us that.

Sorry.

Would you like to freshen up little bit,

before the meal?

I'm sure you're very exhausted

after the fright.

Yeah, the fright was the damn gong, okay?

But I'll freshen up.

'Cause the funk is real.

I don't know what that means,

but okay, excellent.

John, you help them with the luggage,

be gentleman.

[speaking Korean]

Okay, I love to show you to you rooms.

Stop now. All right, baby.

You done good, PP. Did a good job, boy.

[Sarge grunts and mutters]

Come on, sergeant, I'll show you

to your room.

At ease, soldier.

Sir, yes, sir.

[shouting] Ten-hut.

Forward march.

Why did you invite

my family over here too?

I can't believe...

What the hell were you thinkin'?

I don't know.

I just wanted both of our families

to finally meet.

I mean, they were gonna meet

eventually anyways, right?

I thought you'd be happy to see

everybody together.

Yeah, but not like this.

I was thinking more

of a controlled environment,

like a wrestling ring or something.

I'm done. This is over. We're done.

Babe, we just have to last two more days.

Look, introductions are always tough.

-The worst is behind us.

-Yeah, but you've never actually lived

with the Stankershets before.

Okay, so tell me.

Your brother seems a little interesting.

Is he a war vet or something?

No, he was just a chef.

He actually never saw combat at all.

He dropped the pot on his foot, and got

medically discharged after three months.

My sister is obsessed with veterans.

She is adopted, so I think

maybe her birth-parents were

war vets or something, I don't know.

Well, she's going to enjoy

some very interesting yet false stories.

Look, we need to get back out there.

They're waiting on us.

Do we have to?

Okay.

-It's only because I love you.

-I know.

Let's go, Stankershet.

[gong rings]

[Nip] Oh, my God!

Dingo, come look at this.

Look at this, this is amazing!

[Dingo] Ooh, Lord, look at that!

That is real fancy dancy, ain't it, baby?

[Nip] Yes, it is.

Looks like the Last Supper. Is that Jesus?

[laughing loudly]

Reminds me of that buffet I went to

down in Boca Luce.

Fancy dancy!

PP, you've done good, boy.

Hold on now. Wait a minute.

Sarge, you need to help me here.

-[Nip] Come on, help your daddy...

-[Dingo groans loudly]

[Dingo] Oh, Lord Jesus!

Mom, Dad, why do you all

have on those robes?

Baby, come on, we saw all y'all

in your little fancy robes.

I didn't know if it was gonna be

a toga party or an orgy.

[Nip and Dingo laughs]

We didn't wanna mess up on the tradition.

-Didn't we?

-We did our research.

-[gong rings loudly]

-Oh, my God!

Man, you gonna give me a heart attack!

Need to give a nigga a warning first.

I think I squirted. Excuse me.

[chef] Good evening, lady and gentleman.

[greeting each other in Korean]

Say, that's like some voodoo sh*t.

-Who is that?

-I don't know.

-Why you asking me?

-My name is Ho-Jin

Oh, who?

He... He's a premier chef from Korea.

He's gonna be serving us all weekend.

[Dingo] Nip, he kinda looks Chinese to me.

All Asians ain't Chinese, okay?

And he's from Korea.

So that means he's Korean/Asian.

Look like a white guy to me.

No, Snow White.

She the dwarf.

John, you did outdone yourself.

He done flown that man

all the way from Cholerea.

How much did that set you back, John?

It's Korea,

and probably more than you could fathom.

What? You tryin' to be funny, John?

I couldn't fathom?

What you mean by that?

I'd get some of that teriyaki chicken

with some of them ol' sweet and sour pork.

Lemme get that egg-drop soup,

and I want the two egg rolls

with the sweet and sour sauce.

-What you want, baby?

-I want the orange flavored chicken...

[Dingo] And my wife want the orange

flavored chicken and the fried rice.

I'm just saying right now,

ain't got no cash on me, I give you...

[Courtney] Wait, wait, guys.

This is not that kind of dinner.

-It's already...

-[Sarge] Actually, I'll go

with the teriyaki chicken

with that broccoli.

-Don't get that...

-You know I gotta stay on my health.

You never know when a man gotta go

back to war.

You actually fought in the war?

Little lady, butchered hundred of bodies

with these bare hands.

[exclaims in amazement]

He lie like a rug.

[slaps the table in rage and shouts]

Please...

This is not a Chinese restaurant.

No, no, no, no.

Your meal is being catered.

This is not an all-you-can-eat buffet.

There's no need to place your order.

So, can we please get back

to this evening?

His ass better stop spitting on me.

-[Dingo] Let me say something to you.

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