A Weekend with the Family Page #6

You gonna be on your best behavior?

-I promise.

-You promise you're gonna be

on your best behavior?

I promise, mommy.

-Yes, mommy.

-Yeah, that's right.

Imma be good.

[Nip shouting]

[both shouting excitedly]

Dingo!

I'm so sorry.

It's completely my fault.

Actually, it's my fault.

I should have told your Dad.

I should have told you.

I'm the one who should be apologizing.

We can't lose sight of what's important.

That's me and you,

and our future together.

You're right.

[Catherine] Who is it?

[shushing]

[whispers] You have to be quiet.

It's certain somebody's watching.

[Sarge sighs and grunts]

-[shouts] Are you ready for war?

-Yes, sergeant, yes, yes!

Move!

There are insurgents everywhere. Move!

[Sarge shouts] There's a bomb.

[Catherine screams]

[whispers] I saw somebody.

[whispers] Move out.

[exclaims excitedly]

[serene music playing]

[Travis] Oh, gosh!

So, this wasn't just a nightmare?

[Courtney] No, babe, it wasn't.

But today is a new day,

and a second chance.

Okay, so what's happening today?

Well, today is beach day.

We spend the day

at our family's private beach.

Come on, you need to get up. Gotta go.

Okay, we can go, but there's

just something that I have to tell you.

[whispers] You have to come closer.

I think we have a little time

before we leave.

We can do a quickie.

Babe, there's a lot of people

in the house.

-You sure?

-Who cares? Come on.

[Courtney giggles]

-[Courtney screams]

-[Dingo] Oh, sh*t!

Whoa!

Son, God damn it! I'm your daddy,

I can't see sh*t like that.

[Nip] Oh, no! We got real hard dickey.

[Nip cackles]

You all right, girl? He didn't hurt you?

Unless you want him to.

Damn, I'm on a roll this morning.

[Dingo] I'm proud of you, boy.

-Hey, look here.

-I know you proud too, Courtney.

Look at me.

Hey, show 'em how

the Stankershet men get down.

-Pop that thing, boy.

-Don't be shy.

[Dingo] And watch this... Pop that thing.

Your mamma knows what it's all about.

Pop that coochie.

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

[shouts in excitement]

[Travis] Hey, hey, hey!

-Daddy!

-Who's ready for the beach?

We gonna go, and give y'all some privacy.

[Nip] Yeah, we got some things to do.

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Pop that coochie, baby!

Come on, let's go.

-Babe.

-I like that song.

[grunts in anger]

[hip hop music playing]

-[Nip] Yeah, baby!

-[Sue] You all look so prepared.

Are you going for a swim?

[Dingo] We don't swim, but we dance, baby!

We want the funk, ow!

Gotta have that funk

We want the funk

Sing it! Gotta have that funk

Mr. Clancy, my father is also

a businessman, just like yourself.

He has a string of restaurants,

barbecue restaurants.

-in Louisiana...

-Best cue in all of Louisiana, boy.

Let me get this right.

You come from a long line

of stuffed, saturated meat?

Trying to call me fat?

-[Nip] No, baby.

-[Dingo] Let me tell you something, buddy.

I was the best junior varsity running-back

to come out of Paschal High School.

Class of 1972, baby!

[John and Dingo arguing]

I smell a challenge.

[Stankershets] Challenge!

-[Dingo] I'm ready.

-I got the pigskin right here!

No, no challenge...

[Stankershets and John arguing]

[Sarge exclaims energetically]

[hip hop music playing]

Can I ask you something?

You keep feeding me these margaritas,

you can ask me whatever the hell you want.

How do you do it?

How I do what, baby?

You and Dingo. You have that spark,

you know.

Always hot... On fire.

Sexy time.

Like he always down in you...

Grill.

Ooh! Girl, you turning me on right now.

[hip hop music continues]

Do you still love John?

Of course.

Without question, John is my whole world.

I just don't know

if he's still attracted to me.

Now, don't don't be sad

and all insecure, honey.

Men can't stand that. Stop all of that.

I'm gonna give you the rules, okay?

First of all, you gotta trust in God.

Okay, and then, when you're arguing,

if becoming right becomes more important

than being in love,

then you just gotta let it go. Okay?

-Oh, preach!

-Hallelujah!

Oh, and most importantly, girl,

you have got to seduce your man.

[Sue exclaims in happiness]

[music continues]

[Sue and Nip] Whoo!

[music stops]

You gotta make him think

that you would do anything

that them heifers out on the streets

would do, and then some.

So I have to do as much as them heifer?

-No, you gotta be...

-Better than heifer?

Girl, just be the heifer, the ho,

and all of that.

Imma also give you the special recipe

that I got for a very special cocktail.

I call it the Stanky-leg Stankershet shot.

[both exclaiming and laughing]

Honey, I put this on Dingo

every time we go a few days without,

and baby, presto, change-o!

Oh, cock-tail! I make a joke.

Could that make John go back

to secret garden?

I've been whipping up that concoction

for ten years. Okay?

And I'm telling you, I damn near needed

a hip replacement.

You see why he walk with a stanky leg.

He's not even pimp walking.

Hell, he limp walking.

You ready? You ready for this?

[Dingo] Y'all ain't ready, let's go.

PP, did they hit your peanut?

PP, here I come, baby! PP!

[screaming] PP!

[Nip] My baby is allergic to peanuts. PP!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Relax. Lay back down.

You fainted earlier at the beach.

How do you feel?

My throat is a little scratchy.

My ass feels like a pincushion

but other than that I'm okay.

Your face is still a little swollen.

What? Why is my face swollen?

What happened?

-Your brother put peanuts in your...

-Peanuts?

[Courtney] Stop. Lay down. Just relax.

It's a good thing your mom was there.

What's that supposed to mean, Court?

Why didn't you tell me

you're allergic to peanuts, Travis?

As long as we've been together

you have never told me

if you have a peanut,

you could possibly die.

Because I had everything under control.

Uh... obviously not. Look at your face.

I can't look at my face.

How was I supposed to know that my brother

was gonna try to poison me

to win a stupid football game?

This wasn't part of the plan, Travis.

It also wasn't part of the plan for you

to bring my family here, Courtney.

Your family wouldn't be here,

if you would have just introduced

me sooner, like a normal boyfriend.

You just filed them away

in your little box of secrets,

Travis Deontay.

Let's just face it.

Maybe I don't know you

as well as I thought I did.

-Really, Courtney?

-Really.

You don't know me now?

[sighs]

So, like, is it true that you killed a man

with your bare hands?

[Sarge] Woman, I kill hundreds.

-Hundreds?

-Probably even thousands of 'em.

Gettin' my numbers together.

Shoo, I'm a Stankershet.

Part of the mandingo tribe.

You know what I'm sayin'. [chuckles]

But we gotta keep this on a hush-hush.

I think Daddy Clancy might be on to us.

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