Abbott and Costello in Hollywood Page #2

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Hey. What are you...?|What are you doing?

- I'm shaving the man.|- There's his head up there.

- Up where?|- Up there.

What's the matter?|Get out of the way.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Lay down, lay down, lay down.|Don't wake up. Lay down.

- Hold that.|- What are you doing?

- I don't wanna waste the stuff.|- Very good.

Come on, take it easy. Please.

- Come on, come on, come on.|- Take it easy.

Almost lost my first customer.

- Come on, I gotta rub it in.|- Look!

Shave them off, don't rub them off!

- Get the man a hot towel, please.|- Hot toddy?

A hot towel!

- Right.|- Everything will be all right.

Go ahead!

- Well, what are you doing?|- I wanna get one that's well-done.

All right, all right.

You silly-looking goon!

What's the idea of dropping|that hot towel on my face?

It was burning my hands.

All right, all right, all right.|Quiet. I'm sorry.

- Now, I got the razor and the smelling salts.|- The what?

- The smelling salts.|- What's that for?

I faint when I see the sight of blood.

Blood? Look, if you cut me...

...there's gonna be plenty of blood|and it's all gonna be yours.

- Now, take it easy.|- Yes, sir.

Don't get yourself nervous.|Just take it easy.

Now, I think I got a little more|lather on your face, my friend.

A little... A little more... More lather.

You're gonna like this shave.

Now...

Have some.

- Will you get this over with?|- Yes, sir.

- Look, hurry up, will you, please?|- Yes, sir.

What are you trying to do?

- You got a big nose.|- Well, leave it there.

- How do you think I'm gonna smell?|- The same as you always do.

- Oh, get it over with.|- Yes, sir.

I'm gonna shave you real fast.

There you are. How's that?

- We're finished?|- Yes, sir.

- All through?|- Yes, sir.

Okay. Give me a mirror.

- A mirror.|- A mirror. What size?

Well, six...

A mirror. I want to see myself.|Give me a mirror!

Hurry up. Hurry up.

I think it's a very fine job.

- I look about 10 years younger.|- I think so.

- It's very good. Thank you.|- You're welcome.

He's a fine barber. Very good.

- There's Claire. Oh, hello, Claire.|- Hello, boys. How are you?

What are you doing down here|at the old joint? Slumming?

You're not coming back?|You're still in pictures?

I'm taking Ruthie to lunch and rehearsal.|Want to come?

We can't. We're on an emergency call.|A very important shoeshine.

- Hello there.|- Oh, hello.

- Wolf.|- Hi, Mr. Wolf.

No. That's Greg Le Maise,|the great crooner.

- Hello, Mr. Crooner.|- Shut up!

- Hi, Mr. Shut up.|- Will you keep quiet?

Where are we having lunch?

She's not having lunch. She has a date.

Yes, that's right. I do have a date.

- Well, break it.|- No. She's not gonna break it.

She has a date with my girlfriend.

And someday I hope to have|a date with my girlfriend.

We'll take a run|down to my beach house.

Oh, no, you don't.

You're not gonna take her down to your|beach house and get her sunburned.

You know, it's very important|that I get better acquainted...

...with my new leading lady.

It's your first part|and I don't want to play my love scenes...

...with a perfect stranger.

She has a date|and she ain't gonna break it.

She's gonna do a lot of rehearsing.|Hit the road. Go on.

Well, remember,|if I decide not to play the part...

...the picture's off,|so don't work too hard.

She won't. Don't worry.|She ain't gonna work too hard.

I gotta hand it to you.|You told him off.

Every time you open your mouth,|what happens?

I eat.

Don't worry about it, boys.

Going out to his beach house might help|your career but it hurts your reputation.

Personally, I favor my reputation.

And getting sunburned isn't everything.

Oh, right. We've got to get going.|Come on.

- Bye.|- See you later, Claire. And drive careful.

Yeah, I'll only drive|through the safety zones.

Well, young fellow,|how are things with you?

Oh, fine, thank you.|I made $ 1.80 today already.

- And the day ain't half-over yet.|- $ 1.80?

- You really are in the chips, aren't you?|- That's nothing.

Wait till I get my barber's diploma.|I'll murder them.

He ain't kidding.

Hello. Yes. Hello, Darryl.

Yes, Carey Richard is available.

You can have him on an eight-week|guarantee at 3000 a week. That's $24,000.

Okay. It's a deal.

Well, and 10 percent of that|is $2400 commission for me.

Hello. Yes, put him on.

Hi, H.M.

Marsha Delwyn? For what picture?

Great! She's yours.

Another $ 10,000?

For Marsha Delwyn? What do you think it is,|a fire sale? 25 G's.

What's the matter with you, Buzz?|What do you think it is, a fire sale? 25 G's.

Twenty-five G's. I got it.|Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

- Hello?|- Find out how much.

Hello. Yes?

Tom who's boy wants to see me?

- Oh, all right. Send him in.|- How much money?

Nothing, nothing.

Wrong number.

What in the world have you done?

Look, I can't sit here in this mess.

Clean it up!

Come in.

Hello, Mr. Royce.

Hello. Excuse me.

You don't remember me. I was only|that high when you left Des Moines.

Oh, nonsense, nonsense.

- Of course I remember you.|- I didn't want to bother you. Dad insisted.

Said if I came to Hollywood and didn't look|up his old sidekick, he'd disown me.

How is the old boy?|Grocery business, wasn't it?

Dad's a lawyer.

Oh, yes. To be sure.

How long you been around?

Oh, I've been knocking around|the studio gates for months now.

- Not much luck.|- I see.

I suppose you think|the studios are missing a great bet.

Frankly, I do. I'm a singer, and if|you'd give me an audition...

Well, I only handle the top stuff.

Gregory Le Maise, Judy Garland,|Clark Gable.

Well, I'm sorry I bothered you.

Oh, wait a minute.

I'm expecting Gregory Le Maise...

- Oh, all right. Let's see what you got.|- Swell.

Well, go ahead, go ahead.

Well, where have you been hiding?

- Right under your nose, I guess.|- Well, I...

- Kid's great, isn't he?|- Very pleasant voice.

Thank you very much, Mr. Le Maise.

It's double nice hearing it|from a star like you.

Norman, I've decided not to go|into that "Romance For Two" picture.

But, Greg, I...

Say, as long as you're bowing out,|I think I can set the kid in the part.

Kavanaugh will be breaking his neck|to find a replacement.

- All right.|- Tell you what.

Come and see me tomorrow at 11:00.|I'll have some news for you.

Thank you very much, Mr. Royce.|And thank you, Mr. Le Maise.

- See you tomorrow, Jeffie boy.|- Bye.

- That kid's got it.|- I ought to get myself another agent.

Why, Greg boy,|have you blown your topper?

I pay you to keep me on top,|not to bring in fresh young punks...

...who'll shove me to the bottom.|- What are you talking about?

I've been up there 14 years.

A newcomer like that could make them|forget about me in 14 weeks.

Now, listen, palsy,|you're as solid as you ever were.

But If that kid's got you worried,|forget about it.

He comes in, I'll give him a brushoff.

Say singers like him are|a nickel a bunch at the studios.

I'll even stake him to a ticket home.

- Okay.|- Come on, fella.

I'll buy you lunch, we'll see|what picture you're gonna do next, eh?

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