Abbott and Costello in Hollywood Page #3

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A dirty trick to play on that kid.

- Especially a neighbor of mine.|- A neighbor?

Yeah. Didn't you hear him say|he was from Des Moines?

Ain't that near Paterson, New Jersey?

Des Moines, lowa, is 2000 miles|from Paterson, New Jersey.

Well, can I help it if I got a big backyard?

Wait a minute. That gives me an idea.|From now on, we are agents.

All you have to do is pick up|a telephone. $5000, $ 10,000.

All you got to do|is pick up the phone, get $ 10,000?

- You heard Royce?|- I did.

- Certainly.|- I didn't make a cent.

Put that down.|You've got to have a client first.

We've got a client. The kid.

- Yeah. That boy. Our first client.|- Right.

I want to call up Ruthie,|tell her I'm a millionaire.

- What's wrong with one of these phones?|- Okay. All right.

One of these belongs to Ruthie...

...and the others belong|to some of our customers.

- I think this is Ruthie's right here.|- Go ahead.

- Hello, Ruthie, Ruthie.|- You've got to dial it first.

- I'm in a hurry. I'm in a hurry. Ruthie!|- You've still got to dial it.

Beverly Hills, 5533.

Hello. Hello, who do you want to talk to?

- I wanna talk to Ruthie.|- You want to?

Who do you think you are?|Who do you think you are?

Ruthie's my girlfriend.

She's your girlfriend?

Listen, brother!

You stay away from my girlfriend Ruthie|or I'll punch you in the nose!

You'll punch who in the nose?|I'll punch you in the nose!

This guy's plenty tough.|You better talk to him.

- Talk to this guy.|- What's the matter? You a wise guy?

- You're gonna punch who?|- I'll punch you.

- Not my buddy, you won't.|- Oh, yes, I will!

- No, you won't.|- I'll punch him right in the nose.

Now, wait just a minute.|So you're a wise guy, eh?

- Yeah. Plenty wise.|- Did you ever ride a jackass?

- No.|- Well, you better get onto yourself.

Tough guy over here,|giving insulting remarks.

- I just told him off.|- You did?

Good. I'm going to tell this guy plenty.

- Did you ever ride a jackass?|- No!

Then jump on my back.

What am I saying?|Hey, he's outsmarting me.

- Let me talk to the other guy.|- I'll talk.

- Now, listen here, flabbermouth!|- Flabbermouth?

You heard me.|What makes a balloon go up?

- Hot air!|- What's holding you down?

- Where are you right now?|- I'm at Norman Royce's office.

That's funny. So am I. Don't go away.

- He's up in Norman Royce's office.|- He's up in Norman Royce's office.

Don't you think he'll recognize us?

Certainly not. He was so busy singing|he didn't recognize anybody.

Face like mine's hard to forget.

- How do you know?|- I've been trying for years.

Look out. Here he comes.|Leave everything to me.

If the studio wants Lana Turner...

...they'll pay her $ 100,000 or nothing.

- What's 10 percent of nothing?|- Wait a minute. I beg your pardon.

What a type for pictures!

What a build! What a physique!

I don't think I'm that good-looking.

Who's talking about you?|Like to go in pictures?

- Can you sing?|- Certainly.

You heard me in Royce's office|when you were cutting his hair.

- You better take over.|- Well, look.

No use trying to kid you, Jeff.

What's the use?|We're barbers, you know.

The barber of yesterday|is the agent of today.

And the barber of tomorrow... Jeff...

You got everything it takes, Jeff.|All you need is a good agent. Like us.

Know what you get for your 10 percent?|Free shaves, shines, haircuts...

Listen, fellas. If I decide to|stick around, I'll let you know.

Well, if I decide to stick around,|I'll let you know.

Okay... Oh, come on.|What's the matter with you? Go ahead.

Jeff, Jeff, please listen to reason.

If you think it's tough,|meet a pal of ours...

Claire Warren. Why, she went|from manicuring to movies overnight.

Sorry. I don't know anything|about manicuring.

Well, wait a minute. She's our pal.|She'll help you get that part.

Look, she's over at the rehearsal hall now.|We promised to bring you over.

- Well...|- No "well" about it!

Call me a cab.

- You're a cab.|- Call a taxi.

- Go ahead.|- Taxi! Taxi!

Come on.

- Morning, Mr. Kavanaugh.|- Morning.

Top of the morning to you, boss.|New car, eh?

Who gets a new car these days?|I just got it out of the repair shop.

Looks like it rolled off the assembly line.

I've waited two months for it.

You're lucky at that.|Hard to get repairs done nowadays.

Yes. Oh, say.

Have one of the men park this|and tell them to be careful.

- It's been awful getting along without it.|- Yes, sir.

I'll handle everything over here.

Hey, you. Why don't you|watch where you're going?

Driving around with a car|like this with the door open...

...you'll hit somebody|in the back and hurt him good!

Why, you blithering idiots!|I just got that out of the repair shop!

- And now look at it!|- Well, send it back to the repair shop.

- The rest will do it good.|- I'll sue you! I'll have you locked up!

Oh, he's going to have me locked up.|He's going to sue me.

I haven't got a driver's license.

Why waste our time|with these stooges?

We've got big business with big people.

We don't wanna waste time|with stooges.

We got an appointment|with Mr. Kavanaugh.

Did you say Mr. Kavanaugh?

Oh, yes.|Sometimes we call him "Kavvy".

- Important business?|- Very important.

Just a minute. Now, listen, you two.

If I find out that these monkeys|are on this lot...

...l'm not only firing you two...

...l'll fire the whole studio police force!

- Yes, sir, Mr. Kavanaugh.|- Yeah.

Policeman over here|called the guy Mr. Kavanaugh.

- Who was that fella?|- Kavanaugh!

That's... What I said!

- Get out of here!|- All right, all right.

If we could just get in for 5 minutes, talk to|Kavanaugh, I'd straighten everything out.

Boost me over the wall, I'll see Kavanaugh.

- All right. Can you make it?|- Yeah. Right here.

- Go ahead.|- Up! Get it? Got it!

You all right?

I'm all right.

All right, everybody. Inside, inside.|Come on, come on. Let's get going.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

- Come on. Come on.|- All right.

Take it easy.

There's no rush, gentlemen.|There is no rush.

- Take it easy.|- Hey, Buzz! Buzz!

- Hey, Buzz!|- Come on. Easy. Boys, easy.

Cop's uniform, 38, "Policemans Ball."

Forty-two, there you are.

- Take your places. Here.|- What do you want?

- Cop?|- Cop's uniform, 42.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. No, there.

Okay. No, Smitty, you're much too neat.

They want real hobos, tramps, bums.

There you go.

- You're perfect.|- Thank you.

All right.

Can you girls tell me|where Kavanaugh's office is?

Come here! Come here.|Look, it's me... Buzz.

Turned copper, eh? Some cop|around here with a moustache...

...been chasing me all over.|- You mean this?

- There he is again!|- There you are!

- Get out of the way.|- Break it up! Come here.

I don't understand why your|agent didn't come see me.

I think you'll be great|for the Gregory Le Maise part.

I knew you'd think so,|that's why I brought him over.

I was worried|we didn't hear from them.

They probably ran into a little car trouble.|The contracts will be ready tomorrow.

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