Abbott and Costello in Hollywood Page #4

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I appreciate the chance|you're giving me...

...but I don't think I should sign|papers without my agent's okay.

I'm not worried about your being fair...

...it's just that, well, without them,|I really wouldn't be here.

I understand. Well, we'll locate them|and have them approve the deal.

Mr. Kavanaugh, those two dopes|got on the lot. It wasn't my fault...

Can't you see I'm busy?

I beg your pardon.|I'll be back in a moment.

Where are they? I've got to talk to them.

Le Maise turned down the picture.|This boy's my only out.

The little guy's all over the lot.

- Well, you search this part, I'll take this.|- Right, sir.

Cops.

- Is that your teacher?|- No.

Thank you. I hope the teacher|ain't around. I hope nobody's around.

Cop. The cop. Excuse me, kid.|Get over there.

- Are you in this class?|- Why, Jacky Jenkins...

...can't you see he's much|bigger than we are?

Well, he sure doesn't look any smarter.

- Why don't you pick on someone your size?|- Okay, how much is two and two?

Two and two.

Now, why don't you leave me alone?

I mean, after all, I'm not|bothering nobody here. I don't...

Look, would you like to hear|the story of Little Red Riding Hood?

- Yeah!|- Come on. Hurry up...

...before the policeman comes.|Come on, kids. Hurry up. Get real close.

I'm gonna tell a story,|I don't want any interruptions.

I'm gonna tell a story all by myself,|and nobody should interrupt me.

Now, once upon a time there was|a little girl named Red Riding Hood.

- How old was she?|- She was...

How do I know how old she was?|I didn't even know the girl.

Well, do you think it's polite to talk|about someone that you don't know?

This is a girl that nobody knows about.

All you do is you read about her.|She's in a book. She's not real.

- Oh, she's a myth.|- Yeah.

"Myth" Red Riding Hood.

He lisps.

- Who lisps?|- You.

I guess so. Now you got me lisping.

Now, would you please stop|interrupting me? Don't do it anymore.

Little Red Riding Hood, she was|out in the yard, crying.

What was she crying about?

She was crying about 15 minutes.|Now, Little...

What do I know|what she was crying about?

It must have been about something.|People just don't cry for nothing.

She was crying because|she dug a hole in the yard.

Her mother wouldn't let her|bring the hole in the house.

Well, maybe the dirt was no good|and it had worms in it.

Of course. Everybody knows that. The dirt|had to be bad because the worms were...

Kid, I'm telling you for the|last time, cut it out, will you?

When Little Red Riding Hood|was going through the woods...

...to protect her was a woodchopper,|sitting way up on the top of a high tree.

Now, how do you think|he got on top of the high tree?

He sat on it when it was an acorn.

Correct. Now... But he...

I'm telling you, kid, for the last time,|will you cut it out?

And they lived happily ever after!

But, darling, there's going to be trouble|in this town. We've got to get away.

Wait a minute, Lucille. I'm sorry.

Preston, you know,|there's something wrong.

- I know.|- It isn't the way you're doing it.

It's just something wrong|with the scene.

Well, I feel funny in it. I...

- I know you don't feel right in it.|- Neither do I.

- Neither do I.|- Lf we could only do something.

Maybe when we come to the quarrel,|if I could have a change of heart.

- What about that, Mr. Leonard?|- Yeah, what about that?

Lt'd be a little out of character.

- Yeah, I guess so.|- I think you're right.

Me too, we'll have to get|somebody else.

We got a couple hundred dollars|more, we could get someone.

I mean, after all, we gotta...|We gotta get somebody else.

It's just the last few lines that are wrong.|Why don't we cut them out?

You can't do that.|Think of the poor writers.

Definitely. The poor writers.|Get new writers.

Well, couldn't we say|it's just pretense on my part...

...to sort of mislead the sheriff?

She's got something. That's fine.|What do you think, Preston?

- I don't believe that would work.|- Oh, I'm sure it would.

- I think it would too.|- It's two to one against you.

- He's right. Let's try it over.|- We might as well try it.

Sorry you lost, old man|but after all, what's fair is fair.

- Let's try it anyway, see what happens.|- I was...

- Can I have your autograph?|- No!

Okay.

- Who are you?|- Here.

Where did he go?

Did you see him?

Go!

Oh, don't bother me. I'm busy.

That's him!

Quiet, please! This is a picture!

All right. Let's try|the whole scene. Places.

Props, get that dummy.

- Look out. Gotta get one of these dummies.|- Oh, sure.

This one's no good.

By the way, Eddie, you haven't seen|a pudgy little guy, have you?

No.

- Smart guy, huh?|- What's eating you?

Well, take it easy, will you?

I ought to knock your ears down.

Look, Al, I got a job to do.|Will you lay off?

Well, take it easy.

Well, you wanna go, huh?

- Props, you getting that dummy?|- Coming, Mr. Kippin. Here it is.

Well, don't park it here.|Take it up on the balcony.

Let's see that script. Places, everybody!

All right, folks...

Hurry with that dummy, Props.

Right away, sir.

- It's okay. I can put its arms around me.|- All right, Miss Argyle.

- Roll them.|- Speed.

Action!

Darling.

Klondike Pete!

- Oh, please, darling, it's not what you think.|- Shut up.

Ace Martin, Frisco ain't big enough|for the both of us.

On your feet, you double-crosser.|I'm gonna beat you.

Cut! Cut! Hold it!

Larry, this is a barroom brawl,|not a pillow fight.

And don't hit his head against that beam.|It looks phony.

Come down here a minute.

- Fix the rail, we'll try it again.|- Yes, sir.

All right, folks. We'll take the|whole scene from the beginning.

Larry, you're hitting a dummy,|but it's supposed to be a real man.

A tough guy, one of Black Rogers' gang.|You just gave him a love tap.

I'll show you how to do it.|Where's that dummy?

- It's right back here.|- There it is.

Must have taken a bad bounce.

Hand him up here.

Now, watch this.

See what I mean?|Put some steam behind it.

- I get you.|- All right. You try it.

- What's holding it up?|- Gee, I'm sorry, Mr. Kippin.

That's all right.|That's just what I wanted.

All right. Places, everybody.

Take the dummy up on the balcony.|Let's go.

This is going to be a good one.|I feel it coming.

We'll take it from the fight.

- Ready?|- Speed.

- Action!|- Darling.

Klondike Pete.

- It isn't what you think.|- Shut up!

Shut up!

Ace Martin, Frisco ain't big enough|for the both of us.

- Hold it!|- Was that all right, Mr. Kippin?

I don't know.

It still looks a little phony.

Looked all right to me.

So it looked all right to you, eh?|I'll be the judge of that.

- I didn't say anything.|- Well, keep your thoughts to yourself.

- We'll try it again.|- Yes, sir.

Take that dummy upstairs.|Looked all right to him.

Wait a minute, Eddie.

We'll take it up to the fall|so we can try it with a real actor.

Okay.

- Well, where's the actor?|- Oh, he's here.

Joe, come here.

There he is.

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