Abbott and Costello in the Foreign Legion Page #3

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Lou!

Hmm?

Now what is this again? Who keeps

puttin' those things in my mouth?

Lady, this guy hasn't got

enough dough to buy you.

Quiet, slave. Do you think

maybe the auctioneer,

he would take, say 75 cents down and

maybe a dollar and a quarter a month?

I m-mean, do you think... Shut up, you

stupid fool! You've ruined all my plans.

For months I've been trying

to enter the household...

of Sheik Hamud of the Al-Minya

tribe, and you outbid him!

I'm sorry. I'm s...

I'm sorry.

I'd like to talk

to that sheik.

You know, we're looking for

one of the members of his tribe.

Uh, Lou, show her

a picture of Abdullah.

Come, come, I cannot wait

all day for my money.

Oh, uh, one moment. I must see

you later. Where can I meet you?

We checked into the

Hotel International.

I'll contact you. How're

you gonna get out of here?

I am in no danger.

I'll manage.

Oh, uh... he would like

to think it over.

Think it over? Six beautiful

girls for only 160,000 francs!

160,000! Yes, and it's a good buy.

A what?

A good buy.

Good-bye!

Good-bye!

The Legion!

Hip, hip, hip!

Hip, hip, hip,

hip, hip, hip, hip.

And a skip and a jump.

And a skip and a jump. Hip!

Hip, hip!

Come on, Bud!

Those are the Americans.

Hip, hip, hip, hip, hip.

This is the Foreign Legion.

Nobody can touch us here.

Whew! Oooh!

Hey, what kind of a country are

you guys running around here?

Every time my pal and I turn our

backs, somebody throws a knife at us.

A knife? Yee! A knife!

Put that down. Listen...

This is headquarters of the

First Battalion Legion trangre.

It is not. This is the Foreign

Legion. That's what he said.

Now listen, neighbor, we're not a couple of

American tourists that can be pushed around.

Yes, we're here

on business, big business.

And what is the nature

of your business?

Hmm?

I think we're out of business. Shh!

You're relieved, Corporal.

I'll handle this.

Well, gentlemen? Uh,

we're looking for a guy.

Where does the Al-Minya

tribe hang out?

Well, the last Legion report,

they were somewhere in this area.

But I doubt very much

whether you'll be able to find them.

Hey, why don't we... why don't we

ask Sheik Hamud where his tribe is?

- What do you know of Sheik Hamud?

- What do I know of Sheik Hamud?

Today I outsmarted him

in a deal.

That was very clever of you,

but also very dangerous.

I'm afraid it won't be safe for

you to be out in the streets.

Well, h-how are we

gonna get out of here?

Why go? It's the Legion's

duty to protect you.

So why not stay here until I make

sure that everything's all right?

Are you sure we're not crowding

you? No, we take men in every day.

But, uh, how are we going to get

out to eat? We serve you food here.

Oh, boy! Room and board!

How much do you charge?

Nothing. Nothing? Well,

we sure appreciate it.

Isn't there something

we can do for you?

Well, just a little thing, a formality. Oh.

We like to keep a list of our guests. Sure.

You won't mind signing your name,

would you? It's mighty nice of you.

Thank you. Uh, and

you can be sure...

we'll be quiet, if you

know what I mean.

No wild parties.

That I'm sure of.

However, there are a few

little rules and regulations.

Raise your right hand, boys.

Your right hand.

I'm left-handed.

Your right hand!

Yes, sir.

Jurez-vous solennellement

de soutenir la dignite...

de la Republique Francaise

contre tous ses enemis...

vos superieurs de la Legion Etrangere?

Say, "I do. "

I do.

And you?

I do. I do.

Ohhh!

Oh, what's the matter with you?

Are you daffy?

Now that we're married, I

do hope you'll make me happy.

Ah, shut up! Cruelty! I want a divorce!

Gentlemen.! Yes, ma'am. Uh, yes, sir. What?

That's better. Well, he's

got to be one or the other.

Now, gentlemen, if you'll step through

that door, you'll be taken care of.

Through that door?

Thank you.

- We'll be seein' you.

- Every day.

You just signed up for a five-year

stretch in the Foreign Legion.

Foreign Legion?

Long live the Legion!

Come on!

Hotchkiss! Come on!

Come on, you!

You're a heavy dummy!

Climb in. I want to see how the

recruits are doing. Oui, mon Commandant.

Whew!

Brother, I'm tired. Relax.

All right, on your feet, men!

Hit the wire, on the double!

Hip-hup!

All right, Lou, follow me.

Don't worry about a thing.

Come on, Lou.

Okay, okay.

Over this way.

Hey, Bud, come on.

I'll help you.

Come on.

Yeah.

What kept you?

Huh?

Attention!

You call yourself

a Legionnaire?

You're a disgrace

to the sacred memories...

of the magnificent men of the

Legion who fought and died...

at Bouarfa, El Mers,

Medouna and Rezzas!

Not to mention

Bou Kahamouj, Mekmis, Fes.

You forgot to mention Azusa,

Anaheim and Cucamonga.

Oh! Do not despair, mon Commandant,

I'll make a Legionnaire of him one

way or the other. You are dismissed!

Attention!

You can't talk that way to a wounded

soldier. What do you mean, "wounded"?

I-I just hurt my finger on that

barbed wire there. It's blood.

Before I'm through with you, you'll see

blood. You'll be surrounded by blood!

Your machine gun will riddle your enemies

until blood flows like water through a sieve.

Your sabers will hack and

slash through human flesh. Ooh!

With your trench knives, in the black

of night, you will creep up on a man...

and rip and rip

until he falls apart!

And when you wade victoriously

through the blood of your enemies,

glorying in the gore of battle,

then he'll be a Legionnaire!

I can't understand it.

First the attack on the railroad

company's construction camp at Biskra,

and now the massacre

of 40 Legionnaires at El Golea.

Sheik Hamud seems to know

our every move.

It's obvious, sir. There

must be a leak somewhere.

Quite obvious, Sergeant.

Thank you.

But how do we stop it? Every day

Hamud becomes more and more daring.

Who knows where

he'll strike next?

Sergeant, investigate

that gunfire. Yes, sir.

Sound the alert!

How do you shut it off?

Bud!

The enemy's got us surrounded.

They'll kill all of us.

Stop firing.

We surrender.

Stop firing.!

Drop that flag!

- We surrender. Stop firing.

- Drop that flag!

Look, we're outnumbered.

Why don't you surrender?

Lou!

Why didn't you shut that

gun off? I didn't know how.

Corporal, how did this happen?

I told him to assemble the gun.

Let me tell you something. That's a

dangerous thing to have in the army.

Somebody could get killed.

Throw these men

in the guardhouse.

Sergeant, you are to bring Hotchkiss

and Jones to the commandant immediately.

Take them away.

This will be a pleasure.

In here.

Oh, stop that.

Mon Commandant.

Oui?

Here are the men you sent for.

You are Hotchkiss and Jones?

You can call us Bud and Lou.

That's Bud, that's Lou. Sergeant!

Oui, mon Commandant. Give these

men a pass to go to town tonight.

- Pass? But I thought that...

- Those are orders from a source I cannot question.

Yes, sir.

You men be at

82 Rue Lafayette at 8:00.

- Us?

- Oui.

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