Abbott and Costello in the Foreign Legion Page #4

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Oh, the three of us are

going? No, just you two.

Us? Oui. Yes, the three of us...

Make up your mind! Are you

goin' or aren't you goin'?

Get out! Get out of here!

Take them out of here.

Get up.

Just so you won't forget the

address, I'm writing it on the pass.

282 Rue Lafayette.

That was 82.

282. The commandant says 82.

Attention!

Hi-hi! Hi-hi!

Here it is, 282.

I don't like the looks

of this thing.

You shoot up the post,

and they give us a pass.

Why?

I don't know.

Ah, there's something wrong.

We'd better case this place. Bud?

What? There's something I wanna tell you.

What's that? Hey, no... I'm goin' home.

Come on.

No, you don't.

Come on, come on.

Shut up.

It is five past 8:00. We will not be

able to dispose of the Americans...

if they do not appear.

I've thought of that.

If they are not here

by 10 past 8:
00,

I have ordered the military police

to classify them as deserters...

and shoot them on sight.

Deserters!

That means us.

Oui?

Oui... Ah, come on.

Lou, we're in trouble.

Where do we go from here?

Let's go to the dock, get

a boat and go home. Come on.

Whoo!

Shh!

Hey, they're M.P.'s

and they're looking for us.

And if they find us, they'll

shoot us on sight as deserters.

We can't make a move

unless the coast is clear.

You stay right here.

Don't move. Okay, I won't.

We're being followed. I spotted

one of'em. I saw one too.

That's two of'em. I'm gonna

find out how many there are.

I just saw one. I saw

one too. We're surrounded.

We're not gonna get nabbed

without putting up a fight. No.

Wait right here.

Oh, it's you.

Shhh, quiet! Shut up!

Here, hold this. I'm goin' around

this building and flush 'em out.

If I happen to chase one of'em

around this way, bang him!

I'll let 'im have it.

Right over the head.

Hit him, Lou!

Hit him! Hit him, Lou!

Hit him!

Why didn't you hit the guy

I chased? I was too busy.

Somebody was chasin' me. Now you

listen to me. You stay right here!

I'm gonna backtrack,

and I'll get 'em.

And don't forget to use

that club, do you hear? Okay.

Stay right there. Backtrack.

I'll backtrack too.

Wh-What's the matter?

One of'em got me. That's

okay. I got one of them.

Hey, we're gonna fool 'em.

You go ahead as a decoy. Hmm.

When they sneak up behind you,

I'll sneak up behind them.

And... clunk! Simple?

I'd have to be to do that.

Go ahead, go ahead. Okay.

Hey, Lou!

Hey, Lou!

Lou.! Lou.!

Oh, hey, Lou! Boy, did I get

'im! He tapped me on the shoulder,

and just as I-I...

Hey, Lou, wait a minute.

Was it you I bopped? Yeah.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Lou.

I didn't mean it, Lou.

No? Oh, you know I wouldn't do that to you.

Here, take my club and hit me right on

the head with it. Go on. I don't want to.

Go on, Lou. Take my club and

hit me on the head with it!

I don't wanna use your club. Why not?

I wanna use my own.

I, I...

Come on.

Why...

Ah, what's the use?

Come on.

Whee!

Oh, no! Not again?

Help! I've been looking all over for you.

I'm sorry, lady, we can't waste

our time with you. We're deserters.

You can't. I need you. I am

Nicole Dupre, French Intelligence.

I arranged for your pass tonight. You?

Oui. Oh, then you had somebody help you.

No, I arranged it. That's

what I said. You did it.

Oui. Yes, you had somebody help you.

No, oui. O-U-I

means "yes. "

What does I-O-U mean,

"no"? Oh, shut up!

Shh, shh, careful.

Why didn't you obey orders

and come to 82 Rue Lafayette?

Eighty-two? Sergeant Axmann

told us to go to 282.

Axmann!

Yes, Axmann.

We saw him in a room

with five Arab hoodlums.

Sheik Hamud's men.

Axmann!

II est le traitre.

But I cannot take your word

for it. I must have evidence.

If you will help me find it, I will

see that you get out of the Legion.

It's a deal.

Hurry then.

Search his quarters before

Axmann returns to the post. Oui.

That means the two of

us, we. Come on, come on.

Come on.

Shh, come on. Don't

make no noise. All right.

Good. The shutters are closed. Shh.

Wait till I find the light switch. Hey!

I feel a damp opening in the wall.

You got your hand in my mouth.

Get out of my way!

Here, wait a minute,

I've got it.

You get the bed; I'll

get the dresser. Okay.

Shh, don't make no noise.

Good night.

Good ni...

What are you doing? You

told me to get the bed.

When I say get the bed,

I don't mean get the bed.

What do you mean?

I mean get the bed.

When I say you're insane, I

don't mean you're insane. No?

You're cuckoo. Look, I'll take

the bed. You take the bureau.

Are you positive? You want me to take

the bureau? Positive. Take the bureau.

"Take the bureau. " "Take

the bureau. " Hurry up.

Wait a minute! Shh!

What are you doing? You told me

deliberately to take the bureau.

I don't mean take

the bureau. Search it!

Search it. Shh.

Search it.

Shut up.

Okay.

Hey, Bud, what

are we looking for?

Something to tie up Axmann

with the Arabs.

And if we find it,

we've got him trapped.

Trapped? Trapped? Trapped! Yes, trapped.

What's the matter? Oh, can't

you keep out of trouble?

Now listen, I...

What's wrong now?

Will you keep on searching!

And keep out of trouble!

Hey, I think

I've found something!

How do you know? This paper

with the Arabic writing on it.

What more evidence do we need? None at all.

Let's get outta here. Wait

a minute. Wait a minute.

Ohh!

Hey, Bud... Quiet. I've

gotta decipher this thing.

Oh, I'd like to see the

expression on Axmann's face...

when he finds out this

is gone. You can. You can.

Ifhe knew we had this,

he'd kill both of us.

Don't give him any ideas. Then all we

have to do is turn it over to the girl.

This is our ticket

out of the Legion.

Then we walk up to Axmann and snap

our fingers in his face just like that.

Who told you

to search my quarters?

Who is this girl?

Answer me! Answer me!

Attention!

Sergeant, we just received

a radio message.

Fort Apar is being

besieged by Arabs.

Reinforcements will leave

immediately under Captain Cheval.

Assemble your patrol.

Yes, sir.

At ease. Thank you. Get up!

I beg your pardon, sir. We have

important information for the commandant.

Yes, sir. Information that will

put someone behind the firin' lines.

What is it? Take a gander at this, please.

"Three shirts,

two drawers, four socks. "

This is an Arab

laundry ticket, idiots!

About face!

You two get your equipment.

You're marching with the patrol.

This order into the desert

is most convenient.

Do you mind if I say one word? Help! No.

2,212...

2,213...

2,214... I don't get it.

They march us all day,

and at night we've got to guard the supplies

and take care of those smelly camels.

2,449... I got hip to this

army life back in 1945.

Forty-five, 46, 1947, 1948,

1949... My father, he

was hip to it in 1917.

917, 1918, 1920... My uncle.

1921... There's a guy that

was contented. He was happy.

He was a roughrider

in '98.

Ninety-eight, 99, 100.

My grandfather, huh!

He was a drummer boy in '61.

Sixty-one, 62, 63, 64...

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