Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man Page #5

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I don't want friends.

I shall have followers...

worshippers, people who will obey

me because they realize my greatness.

To arms, to arms...

Four score and six...

Seven.

Five.

Five, three, two. Three, two.

Would ya put

your hand down.

Tommy, if you don't pipe down,

we'll all get into trouble.

And another thing. You didn't

give me a chance to tell you...

that Boots is contacting

the money man.

Well, in that case, let's

celebrate. Pour us a drink.

No, Tommy. Do you realize every time you

go into a saloon, the devil goes with ya?

Well, if he does,

he pays for his own drink.

Excuse me.

This time we'll

do things my way.

There's a lady present.

The Looper will get his

dough the night of the fight.

Why don't you save

your dough, boss?

That guy just got in

a lucky punch at the gym.

I can take 'em. Yeah, sure,

sure. Like you could take Nelson.

Only Nelson took you,

and O'Hara took my money.

This time there'll

be no slipups.

But he thinks he's going

to meet you. He is...

if he tries

to double-cross me.

Thank you.

Tommy, don't you think

you've had enough?

Tommy, you shouldn't

drink other people's drinks.

Oh, it's you, again.

Wait a minute, just a minute.

Don't get excited.

This happens to be

Louie the Looper.

I know, he's

a buzz saw.

Here's where he's gonna

lose a couple of teeth.

Why didn't you duck?

Duck? I didn't even

see the punch coming.

Come on.

Let's get outta here.

Save your punches for tomorrow

night, Looper. You'll need 'em.

Let's have a nightcap.

Sure, Looper.

Tommy, you've had enough drinks.

Oh, is that so?

Yeah, that's so.

Excuse me, sir.

Don't mention it.

Oh, Tommy. I'm only

telling you for your own good.

Hey, Lou.

He's down there.

Tommy!

What are you doing with my

drink? I thought it was mine.

Oh, yeah. I've heard that

one before. Wait a minute.

Bud, I'll handle this. I'll take

care of this myself. Right, Tommy?

Go ahead and

start something.

Double crosser.

Hey. You hit my friend. Yeah, I hit him.

Break it up, fellas. The

boss don't like no rough stuff.

You heard him.

Lou, Lou.

Come out of it, Lou.

Here, see if this'll help.

That didn't help him.

Tommy, we've got to get

him out of here.

Here,

I'll give you a hand.

Come on.

Get ahold of him.

Come on.

Atta boy, Tommy.

What happened?

Tommy got knocked out.

That's funny. I thought it was me. Shut up.

He got knocked out by the

door. He was hit on the head.

Where is he? I don't know.

We got to get him out of here.

Tommy, Tommy, tommy.

Tommy.

Where is he?

Wait a minute. Pick him up.

Come on. Pick him up.

Atta boy.

Pick him up.

Get in that door.

Hurry up.

I don't think I'm gonna

make it. You'll make it.

Bring him over to me.

Fold him up.

Wait a minute. Wait a

minute. Fold 'em. Fold 'em.

Get in there.

Get inside.

Now, tell it to me, again.

I saw two men

carrying no man.

Imagine my trying to solve

this riddle in a week.

The harder I work,

the more impossible it seems.

Tommy!

Hey, where am I?

You know,

I don't know.

You're home

with me, darling.

Helen, baby.

Oh, it's good to see you.

It's good to...

To have you here

with us, Tommy.

Us?

Oh, hello, fellas.

Gee, I sure poured one

on last night, didn't I?

You said it.

A king-sized one.

Boy, you were sure crazy... Uh, uh.

What's the matter with you? I was

gonna tell him that he was great.

What'd you think I was

gonna say? Crazy?

He means about you trying

to drink everybody's drinks.

Yeah.

I don't remember that.

I drank so much I don't

remember seeing anybody.

We're even.

We didn't even see you.

But I do remember that

deal with Boots Marsden.

Now, what about the money?

Well, we didn't have

time to close the deal yet.

Well, get in touch with her.

Close the deal.

Tell her you'll take the

count any round she wants.

When we get into the ring with Rocky we

double-cross Morgan and knock his boy cold.

Hey, this Morgan.

Is he mean?

He's a killer.

He's mean.

And if my hunch is right, he'll

try to do what he did to O'Hara.

Bump Bud off

and put the blame on you, Lou.

Fight postponed.

Don't worry, Lou.

As long as I'm in there

with you, you're a cinch to win.

I'm gonna

make sure of it.

Phew!

What's that?

Perfume. If I can't see you,

at least I'm gonna smell you.

I'll show you out.

Doctor. Doctor!

Yes, Tommy?

I tried to sit up, but

I'm paralyzed! I can't move.

Take it easy, Tommy.

I have you strapped down.

It's just a precaution against

a possible mental relapse.

But the fight tonight.

I'm sorry, Tommy, but I can't

afford to take any chances.

You can't take any chances?

What about the chance I took?

Helen said you were afraid.

You're not afraid for me.

You're afraid for yourself.

Afraid of what the medical

profession would do to you.

You want to keep me chained like

a mad dog to save your name...

but you won't give me a chance

to clear mine.

And now, sports fans, my

prediction for tonight's fight...

between Rocky Hanlon and

Louie the Looper.

Louie the Looper was still in

training late last night.

Evidently, he ran out of

sparring partners.

Midnight found him

completely exhausted.

Perhaps this accounts for the

wise money being switched...

in favor of Hanlon

late this afternoon.

Both men lack defense,

but are strong on offense.

I predict this will be the most

offensive fight of the year.

Tommy!

Oh, Tommy.

Tommy!

Relax!

He said he'd be here.

So, he'll be here.

Yeah?

Tommy.

Tommy, Tommy.

A black cat.

Smoke.

Give me that.

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Remember? Helen

said you could see him in smoke or fog?

Smoking will make you sick,

then you won't be able to fight.

I won't be able to fight.

No.

Mmm.

Give me that cigar.

Tommy.

Tommy.

Compliments

of a friend.

Oh.

Well, do tell.

"You can smell them

or wear them.

The fifth round

will tell. "

And you lay down

in the fifth round.

IfTommy don't get here,

I'm gonna lay down right now.

Hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey, money.

Real money, oh!

Here's $1,000 for you, $1,000 for me,

and one, two, three, $4,000 for him.

$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me, and

one, two, three, $4,000 for him.

Wait a minute.

Who's getting a bigger share?

Him.

Who's him?

The income tax man.

The...

Tommy, Tommy.

Tommy.

You're on next. All set?

All set. What's the odds?

Five to two that Rocky

smears him. Oh, oh-oh.

Where you going? To get a cop.

Somebody's gonna get murdered.

Come here, stupid!

People work a lifetime

and never get $15,000.

You're getting it for

just lying down! Yeah.

Lying down?

That's got me worried.

The big question is,

will I be able to get up?

Don't let me go in

that ring without Tommy.

Lou, ifTommy goes

in the ring with you...

he'll knock out Rocky

and Morgan will bump you off!

No. You'll get bumped off.

I get the hot seat!

One way or the other,

I'm gonna get it in the end.

Lou, here's what

we've got to do.

You go in the ring and

lay down like Morgan wants.

Everybody will be happy and

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