Abel Page #3

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Lots of poor people smell of chips.

Haven't you ever noticed?

She doesn't come from

a working-class family...

...so she doesn't smell of chips.

She smells nice! You say: "Mmm, nice",

or "Mmm, lovely"...

...and not:
"Pooh, horrible'.

"Mmm, lovely"!

And Dove will echo that

with a friendly look. Yes?

Then she says:
"Thank you".

A brief silence is in order,

and then you continue.

I ask:
"Would you care for a drink?"

And then she will of course ask me

"What have you got?"

Dove?

Beer, wine, coffee, tea,

sherry, whisky...

...various liqeurs and gin.

And mineral water?

Because she's a tee-totaller.

And mineral water.

While Dove's pouring the drinks,

you start breaking the ice.

Something about the Iron Curtain?

I don't want to hear the word

Iron Curtain!

Why not? It's something

Abel knows a lot about.

Tonight it's ordinary conversations!

Have you got any brothers

or sisters?

That's it, that's a good question.

Has she got any, then?

- I don't believe she has.

Then it isn't a good question at all.

I ask, why do you do acting,

anyway?

Yes, you ask that.

A conversation develops.

It had better. I want

a spontaneous evening.

One more thing. I want

this understood:

This evening, if I touch

my nose like this...

...then Dove puts a record on

and you ask her to dance.

And if I run my right hand through

my hair, like this...

...then Dove tells that story.

Which story?

The one about the llama in the zoo.

We already know that story.

- We don't already know that story!

Christine, this is Dove, my wife.

Pleased to meet you.

And that is Abel, my son.

Something to drink?

- A glass of gin, perhaps?

Victor must have told you.

Yes... Let's go and sit down.

What a nice plant.

It looks like a tomato plant.

I'm mad about tomatoes.

But I'm not allowed to eat them.

She's mad about tomatoes.

Would you like a tomato?

I'm not allowed to eat them.

Why not?

Aren't you allowed

to eat tomatoes?

Tomatoes belong to the

nightshade family.

Everything which belongs

to that family is bad for you.

Potatoes, for instance, as well.

Potatoes?

- Yes.

Why do you do acting?

- Me?

I like climbing into

someone else's skin.

Can you play things

as well as people?

Things?

Could you also climb

into the skin of... a potato?

No, no, I can't do that.

I think you'd make

a very good potato.

Why do you keep touching

your nose?

And now for some more talking.

Isn't it about time

for a nice salty herring?

Not for me, thanks.

Don't you like herring?

Rather! But I'm not allowed

to have it.

Is herring also a member

of the nightshade family?

No, that's impossible.

- Well then.

Herring is bad for your heart.

Dove!

Don't be absurd. Let me go.

Leave them for a while...

Ridiculous, it'll come to nothing.

...the children are too small

to work in the factory...

...so they can't afford

to clothe them.

But their mothers wear

long woollen skirts.

And when the children go outside...

...they walk naked under their

mother's skirts.

But the cold gives them

pneumonia.

They often die by the walkside.

- Time for a top-up, Dove.

No, thank you.

Fish has to swim, you know.

- But I haven't eaten any fish.

Come on, you don't think

I feel like telling...

...the story about the llama now?

- What are you talking about?

You're out of step, girlie.

You've got to follow Abel.

I can't dance like this, you know.

No.

You're having an affair.

Night-night.

You're having an affair.

You're having an affair with

a beautiful, young, fertile woman.

I can feel it!

Stop it!

Say that you're having an affair.

I'm not having an affair.

Why can't an evening

like this evening...

...because you know how

to fix things, eh...

...be conducted normally?

Why isn't life normal?

Vickie...

Vickie...

Come now, Christine, your lines.

"I'm not used to" etcetera.

Yes, why not?

Very good, carry on.

Are you my little amateur?

Is that surprising?

With this row going on?

Perhaps we should make it

more stimulating.

I did it with a general once,

that was exciting.

Have you had an affair

with a general?

He wasn't a general.

He just dressed up as a general.

Oh, you mean I should, er...

You could be something else.

What on earth are you wearing?

- A polo-neck.

I thought you couldn't stand

polo-necks?

Give it here, woman.

Oh, Victor!

What a lovely red mark!

I'm glad that we're all getting

with each other again.

The last time that happened

was, I believe, in 1962.

Give over, Victor.

To show you I'm not a bad sod,

I've decided...

...tomorrow, I'm going to buy

a television.

Where is that television?

Where's the bloody thing? Damn it!

Please, Vicky, let's talk this over.

- Talk, my foot!

We wanted to surprise you.

- I call it deceit.

Out of this house!

Bloody hell, open this door!

Shut your trap!

I'm going to do you

a mischief!

Where are you going?

- I'm leaving. It stinks here.

Move over a bit.

You're in the way.

Victor, Victor.

Please, Victor, please.

- Give him a coat.

Victor, please, please, I beg you!

Too late!

Give him his coat, I said!

You're not really going

to throw me out, are you?

Oh no? What kind of a mug

do you think I am?

Give your mother a kiss.

Stop there.

Where?

- There.

What would he be doing

in a lunchroom?

Stop!

Where are you going?

Let's make a date.

What are you doing?

- Can't I look for him?

Can I take your arm?

- Why?

Well, all the men around here.

I can't see any men.

- No, but they can see us.

Now they'll think I'm with you.

It was your first time?

It was your first time.

It doesn't matter.

You're just a late developer.

Next, please.

- A dozen oysters.

I was before you!

- You just came in.

Where do you get that idea?

- These people are witnesses.

Are you ladies sorting it out?

There's not much to sort out.

She was first, and that's that.

But I've been standing here for ages.

- It's her turn.

Twenty oysters.

Where is Abel?

Sis?

Sisie? It's me!

The postman.

Yoohoo! Sweet Sisie.

Let me in then.

I've got a parcel for you.

A long parcel.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you.

Who have you got indoors?

No-one.

Victor, we've got to cool it a bit.

Is there someone else?

Yes.

Don't you want to see me anymore?

Sis...

No.

I've got to go now.

- We must talk.

No!

And you're not to come

and watch me anymore.

Sis, please! Is it all over

just like that?

That's the way it goes.

Abel.

Hello!

I'm Nick, the walking flannel.

I'm searching for the bald mountain.

Oh look, there it is!

Goodness, isn't it bald.

What are you going to do

on that bald mountain?

There's a lot to see from the top

of the bald mountain.

Oh, it's so high.

And it's very cold as well.

Freezing cold.

- What can you see?

Nothing. It's all much

too far away.

Can't you see a girl?

A girl? Yes, I have to look

very carefully, though.

Yes, in the distance

I can see very vaguely a girl.

And what's that girl doing?

What a nuisance,

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