Accepted Page #10

Why the change?

It's bigger.

How did they...

Rory called them.

The whole school?

I had to do something.

This meeting of the State Board

of Education will come to order.

Today we'll be hearing

the case for accreditation...

...for the South Harmon

Institute of Technology.

Your case for accreditation

is being contested...

...by Dean Richard Van Horne...

...representing Harmon College.

Loser. Loser.

In order to become accredited...

...a school must meet

three requirements.

You must have a facility,

a curriculum and a faculty.

Please state your case.

You're on, kid.

What? Wha... I thought you were

gonna handle this. What are you doing?

Rule number one,

lead with your star witness.

Nobody knows South Harmon and

these kids better than you.

So, it's showtime.

Let's kick some ass.

You're gonna be great, man.

Just go do your thing.

Sling some bull.

Oh, God.

Okay.

Uh...

...ladies and gentlemen of the panel,

thank you for meeting with us.

Um, my name's Bartleby Gaines

and I'm the co-founder of...

South Harmon

Institute of Technology.

Sorry. Friends of mine.

Um, I'm... I'm sorry,

first of all...

...w- what were those

three things that you listed?

A facility, a curriculum

and a faculty.

Facility, right.

Okay, well,

we definitely have a facility.

Uh, we have a common room,

we have dorm rooms.

Uh, we have

a skateboard ramp.

We got a tiki bar. Umm...

They have leased

an old mental hospital.

They have none of the

traditional support facilities...

...or resources.

Mr. Gaines, do you have a

formal athletic facility?

Okay, uh,

by formal you mean...

No. No, we don't.

A library?

No.

A health services center?

No.

No.

Your curriculum?

Our curriculum?

Yes.

Do you have a course book? A comprehensive

list of your available classes?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Uh, Sunshine. Can you...

What is this?

Our curriculum. These are the

courses we offer at South Harmon.

This is a joke.

"Slacking 101"?

Uh, tell me, Mr. Gaines...

...how does one major

in bumper stickers?

Sir, um...

I'm sorry, Mr. Gaines.

I fail to see any merit...

...or scholastic value in

anything listed on that board.

Okay, uh, guys,

you want to help me out here?

In "Taking A Walk

and Thinking About Stuff,"

...we get to think about what

we want to do with our lives...

...in a stress-free environment.

"Let It Speak To You 202" is an art

class in which we discover our talents...

...by examining our

personal life experiences.

In "Skateboarding 234" we built a ramp

that teaches us about engineering...

And physics.

And aerodynamics.

In "Rock Our Faces Off 222"

...we listen to the music and

lyrical angst of a lost generation.

And we rock our faces off.

They do.

Do you have

faculty present?

Yes, we do, sir.

Faculty, stand.

What is the meaning

of this?

See, at South Harmon, sir,

the students are the teachers.

Aw, this is preposterous.

Students are not

and cannot be teachers.

Dean Van Horne

is right.

You must have a faculty as defined by

the state, or you cannot be accredited.

Mr. Gaines, have you

employed a faculty or not?

Um...

Present and accounted for.

Oh, for God's sake.

Dr. Alexander, this man has not been

a part of academia for three decades.

We were on the faculty together

at Harmon in our late 20s...

...and he washed out.

He's a drunk, he's a degenerate,

and he's looney tunes.

Hey, a**hole! You're talking

about my mom's brother!

Oh, sit down!

Okay.

Hey! Why don't you take your

PhD and shove it up your A-S-S?

Settle down

right this minute!

Dean Lewis! Sit down.

Order!

Couldn't help myself.

So, is that it,

Mr. Gaines?

You have one formal teacher

for upwards of 300 students?

Mr. Gaines.

Answer the question.

Nah, I'm not gonna

answer your question...

'cause you guys have

already made up your minds.

I'm an expert in rejection...

...and I can see it

on your faces.

And it's too bad that you

judge us by the way we look...

...and not by who we are.

Just because you want us

to be more like them...

...when the truth is

we're not like them.

And I am damn proud

of that fact.

Rock on!

I mean...

Harmon College and their... And

their 100 years of tradition.

But tradition of what?

Of hazing kids...

...and humiliating anyone

who's a little bit different?

Of putting

so much pressure on kids...

...they turn into these... These

stress freaks and caffeine addicts.

Your phony school demeans

real colleges everywhere!

Why? Why can't

we both exist? Huh?

You can have your grades,

and your rules...

...and your structure,

and your ivory towers...

...and then we'll do things

our way.

Why do we have to conform

to what you want?

Your curriculum is a joke,

and you, sir, are a criminal.

You know what?

You're a criminal.

'Cause you rob these kids of

their creativity and their passion.

That's the real crime!

Yeah.

Maybe he's right.

Well, what about you parents?

Did... Did the system

really work out for you?

Did it teach you

to follow your heart...

...or to just play it safe,

roll over?

What about you guys?

Did you always want to be

school administrators?

Dr. Alexander,

was that your dream?

Or maybe no,

maybe you wanted to be a poet.

Maybe you wanted to be

a magician or an artist.

Maybe you just wanted

to travel the world.

Look, I... I... I... I lied to you.

I lied to all of you,

and I'm sorry.

Dad, especially to you.

But out of that desperation,

something happened that was so amazing.

Life was full

of possibilities.

A- A-And isn't that what you

ultimately want for us?

As parents, I mean, is...

is that, is possibilities.

Well, we came here today

to ask for your approval...

...and something

just occurred to me.

I don't give a sh*t!

Who cares about your approval?

We don't need your approval to

tell us that what we did was real.

'Cause there are so few truths

in this world...

...that when you see one,

you know it.

And I know that it is a truth...

...that real learning

took place at South Harmon.

Whether you like it or not,

it did.

'Cause you don't need teachers

or classrooms...

...or... Or fancy highbrow traditions

or money to really learn.

You just need people with a

desire to better themselves...

...and we got that

by the shitload at South Harmon.

So you can go ahead,

sign your forms...

...reject us and shoot us down,

and do whatever you gotta do.

It doesn't really matter

at this point.

Because we'll never

stop learning...

...and we'll never stop growing...

...and we'll never forget the

ideals that were instilled in us...

...at our place.

'Cause we are

S.H.I.T. Heads now...

...and we'll be

S.H.I.T. Heads forever...

...and nothing you can say

or do or stamp...

...can take that away from us!

So go!

Go ahead!

Everyone...

...please, quiet down.

Everyone, please

quiet down.

Quiet down. Please.

Thank you.

Mr. Gaines...

...your presentation

was unorthodox...

...to say the least...

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