Accidental Love Page #10

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You have the floor... for one minute.

- I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

- OK, OK. Are you OK?

What?

Sorry.

This bill...

is about more than... a single congressman...

or his lobbyist whores.

Because you know what?

Not everyone has really awesome healthcare,

like you guys do, here in Washington.

And all it takes is a gondola...

or an automatic power tool.

And... if you're uninsured

or if you're even crappily insured...

you're screwed

like me.

Or like him. Or like him. And is that cool?

It is not cool.

This is America, right?

And we do things right here and we help people.

And we take care of people here.

My head, it hurts.

- My face feels like it's gonna fall off.

- Alice?

I believe in...

America!

Alice!

Yeah!

- Hey, are you OK?

- I'm a little dizzy.

- OK. You were amazing.

- I was?

Well done! That was-that was just wonderful.

Madam Speaker, you must call for a vote.

Yeah!

Vote, vote, vote!

Very well, we'll vote. But remember,

federally funded care is a slippery slope

leading to higher taxes and lousy service.

Well, we just heard them. I think

they're gonna do the right thing.

This is gonna be so dramatic

here, when everyone votes.

Absolutely.

Begin the vote.

- It's all electronic now.

- What?

The vote is completed.

Healthcare loses, like always.

- I don't feel so good.

- Alice? Alice!

Alice! Alice!

Alice!

Get a picture.

- Alice, are you OK?

- I'm OK, I'm OK.

I care about everyone under this

roof no matter our differences.

- Madam Speaker...

- Look up, please.

One more.

Madam Speaker, one more, please.

Wait, wait, where are you going?

Alice, we're gonna get you a glass of water, OK?

- OK.

- Alice!

I'm-I'm OK. I'm-I'm just dizzy.

I just need some air.

- I need some... I need some air.

- I got you.

Nice and easy, guys.

Are you OK?

I'm a little lightheaded, but it's getting better.

Alice, I can't believe this happened.

Marsha.

I'm sorry, Alice. It just wasn't meant to be.

I'm just right back where I started.

Who knows when we'll get fixed now.

You are not just a leader, you're one of them.

You been lying this whole time.

That's why you won't let me near

your backside, because you got...

a pop-out baboon ass.

- Tell her.

- Yes, it's true.

But Norm and Alice said that you'd love me anyway.

All the lies are over. True love can begin.

Actually...

that's a deal breaker. I'm sorry, Keyshawn.

I can't be with you.

Between your breakup, the loss of our bill...

I'm feeling pretty sure we're

alone in a Godless universe.

I've been waiting for a sign there's

a God and there is no sign.

Let's just get Alice home, OK?

Hey, now that you're famous, it should

be easy to get you some medical help.

But what about Norm... and Keyshawn?

And all those people? I wanted to help them.

And where's Howard?

I don't, uh... I don't think you

need to think about that right now.

- What do you mean? Where is he?

- No surprise, there.

What?

They're lizard people, Alice. They

change their skins and eat their young.

It's time to go home and make a real life there.

- I don't know.

- It'd be fun to have a slave.

- If he's really sorry.

- Oh, he is, he is. Wait and see.

- It'll be an asset.

- OK, let's see it.

Thank you. You won't be sorry.

Order!

We have an important statement

by Congressman Birdwell.

Thank you, Madam Speaker.

First of all, I would like to clearly state

what a foolhardy mistake it

was for me to leave my party.

The same goes for sponsoring

that Catastrophic Care bill.

Thank God it didn't pass.

I was under the spell of a woman which,

as demonstrated by Madam Speaker today,

is my weakness.

I stand here humbly begging my colleagues

to forgive my temporary insanity

and let me back into their strong party.

Which is so much better than those

Independents. They're so lame.

I mean, how many... how many

of them are there? Like three?

That's not a party. Let's

get this moon base going!

Here!

How could you, Howard?

Furthermore, I would like to show my loyalty

and honor the late Speaker McCoy

by proposing that we rename

the Congressional Gym...

the "McCoy Memorial Gymnasium."

Yeah! Yes!

- Welcome back, Howard.

- Welcome back.

I just want to get out of this

town as fast as possible.

If it's any consolation, all the

women who've slept with Howard

said the sex was either average or below average.

How's it going, hon? You ready to go?

- Yeah, I'm almost packed.

- Alright, let me help you.

Look at it this way, you learned

a lot about horrible liars.

...gymnasium bill today turned into mayhem

due to a surprise rider that

was snuck into the bill.

A version of the Emergency Care bill

was snuck into the Congressional

Gymnasium Renovation bill

by notorious Congressman Howard Birdwell.

- Howard?

- Now that is a sign I'm looking for.

Here to comment is pending House

Speaker, Pam Henry Hendrickson.

How could you and other voting members

not even read the bill, Congresswoman?

Of course I skim, Tom. I can't read everything.

It's a lot of paperwork.

My chief of staff, Edwin, usually

carefully reviews bills for me,

but this time, he let me take it in the neck.

So, uh... I understand the sneaky little

rider only provides for emergency healthcare

for the following accidents, a nail in the head,

- a fallen anus...

- Yeah!

...prolonged priapism, an ax in the femur,

a face burn from a s'mores while camping.

Everyone else, you're on your own, as usual.

Is this a meaningless victory?

This small, but extremely

dangerous, bill has opened a door

to a potential avalanche of

socialist medical spending.

- Let's not forget child lesbianism.

- Ooh, you witch.

And we did pass the moon base bill.

And that's what counts.

Thank you, Madam Speaker.

Now Birdwell's sneakiness has earned

him the dreaded triple censure.

He's now expected to officially resign

from Congress before he's kicked out.

- Oh, that's too bad.

- Mr. Birdwell joins us live, via satellite.

Sounds like you're in very hot

water with your leadership.

They got their moon base, Tom, but

they'd pretty much like to kill me

and throw my body into a wheat thresher,

which they pretty much already

done with this triple censure.

- Was the sneaky risk worth it?

- Yes! To help all the people.

Alice's friends, really, but especially Alice.

Alright, we don't need to watch that.

I'm gonna change it.

- Move, move, move.

- This is so boring.

...really frustrating

would know that I had to seem like I

was betraying her to get this done.

I thought he was a traitor, but he's not.

He's not anymore. He's not a traitor.

All for her and her dream, which I totally share.

She inspires me in all departments,

from making laws, to making love,

which is private, and now it's

on TV, so it's not private.

I just had to say this because I know if she

heard me that she would stop hating me.

So...

Alice, I-I don't even know if you're watching this.

- I am. I am.

- But everything I did, I did for you.

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