Accidental Love Page #5

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Yeah-yeah. I-I like what she

did with the shading there.

So she's sympathetic to your health problems, huh?

No, I ain't tell her about it.

Why does she think you're here, Keyshawn?

To selflessly support all you sad,

injured people and your problems.

This is why she loves me. And this is

why I need y'all to cosign on my story.

- 'Cause I'm in love.

- I thought you didn't believe in love.

I'm just starting to learn how to trust again.

Don't crush the little hatchling of my heart.

Back up my lie.

Love takes honesty, Keyshawn.

Rakeesha expects me to lead.

You see the other little wolves?

They're hurt and they're injured.

Who's leading? Me. I cry for you.

I... cry... for you.

Slow down, kids!

Congresswoman, a word, please?

- Alice!

- Look, it's Howard.

Hi!

Hi!

- This is amazing, fantastic.

- Isn't this exciting?

This is Reverend Norm.

- Pleasure.

- Hi.

And this is Keyshawn and Rakeesha.

Hi. Kanye, Shaniqua. Nice to meet you.

So I hope you're prepared to talk on TV.

Well, I didn't prepare anything. I didn't

know I was supposed to prepare something.

Why'd he call me Kanye? My name is Keyshawn.

Speak as someone who has an injury

and who is, um... needs protection

and is asking for it from the moon base.

Actually, how, exactly, is

the moon base gonna help us?

We have to stay protected and...

- Safe and un-blown up.

- Yes. OK, great.

But more specifically, how, exactly,

will the moon base help us, right now?

- Yeah, good question.

- Well, uh...

we'll talk to the leaders about

gluing on a little tiny healthcare,

emergency healthcare law, onto the

big, huge, uh, moon base bill, OK?

Kinda like a... a little satellite that nobody

notices that's orbiting around the big moon.

- Now, that's how it's done.

- Slim shady, I like it.

Yes. What is that, a song

or beef jerky or whatever?

Who wants to meet Pam Henry Hendrickson?

- Oh, I do, I do, I do.

- The lady astronaut House Whip.

Let's go.

Why does he call me Kanye? My name is Keyshawn.

- Congresswoman!

- Howard.

Told you I'd pull through. This is Alice Eckle.

Pam Henry Hendrickson. Nice to meet you.

Hi. Do you think you'd have time,

you could maybe sign my card later?

I've seen all your launches ever

since I was in sixth grade.

Oh, that's so nice.

Actually, that's the same age that

Grand Sacajawea Marsha Weber is.

- Grand Saca what?

- Jawea. Sixth grade.

Hi, are you a congressman, too?

No. I'm an ex-waitress with a nail

in my head that might get fixed

by the little law that's going to

tack on to the moon base bill.

- We're getting Shakira. Awesome, right?

- Yeah, totally.

We're not supposed to talk about that stuff.

Just keep the focus on the moon base, tonight.

- Right, Mr. Harshtone?

- That's right, Marsha. Very good.

Actually, Alice happens to be

giving a speech, too, Congressman.

Oh, that's good, Howard, but

she's giving one right now.

Here we go, Marsha.

Grand Sacajawea Marsha Weber, are you

here to put a military base on the moon?

We totally want a hiking camp

while they just patrol the skies.

Moon base rocks. Booyah.

Nope, this way. There you go.

Camera's right there, alright? And the

moon base is right behind you, OK?

Alright, so talk about all this

stuff that we talked about before

and not the stuff we talked about after that, OK?

- OK.

- Look at me, I'm nervous. Ready?

- Look at you. You look great.

- I do?

- You're beautiful.

- Thank you.

- I believe in you.

- You do?

Yeah.

I have a nail in my head so

I need a moon base. Why?

Well, I can't afford surgery. So my congressman,

who looks like a dude from Crest White

Strips, but is really just a real person

who's just really trying hard to get colored glue

and paint for the children in his district,

and he's really gonna help them

and he's really gonna help me.

And he's really going to help everybody

with the military moon base.

How?

Well, number one, it protects us.

It makes the moon, like, one of our states.

Keeping us safe and non-blown up

So we can figure out better

restaurant and hospital service

and colored glue for all.

That's how it works, America.

First things first. Rock on, moon base.

- I hope I did as good as you.

- Trust me, you did.

Oh, thanks.

You did awesome. The crowd loved you. I loved you.

- Yeah?

- Give it up right up here.

- Awesome.

- Thank you.

Oh, no, control the nail. Control the nail.

- Alice, well done.

- Thank you.

- We should celebrate.

- Yeah, let's get some liquor and start looting.

No, I'm just joking. That's a racist stereotype.

- But, seriously, let's get some 40s.

- OK.

Let's be like Bambi, let's

get get naughty with the 40.

You know what they say, right?

You have to keep on digging.

And that's exactly what we did, the cool kids.

Yeah, and look who went on national

television without having a panic attack.

Guys, we got a big poll bounce

on funding this moon base.

Congrats, Howard. House Speaker

wants credit for this.

Bring nail girl to Speaker

office for photo visit in AM.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- My goodness.

- Heavy duty.

- This is, like... yes, tomorrow.

- Heavy duty, girl.

- This is crazy.

- Heavy duty.

- Well, we'll go together. We'll all go.

- Exciting.

- This is it. This is what we came here for.

- It's a party.

- It's a party.

It's a party.

Do the bump.

No. Keyshawn don't do the bump.

- Yeah, let's go to Benihana's!

- Benihana!

- I want to go to Benihana's!

- We're gonna stay here!

You sure? It's gonna be magical.

Yeah.

- We can do great things.

- Yes.

- In politics.

- OK.

Oh, my God, are you OK?

I mean, I don't know you. I don't really know you.

You know, I don't know all the details of you.

You're just... you're guarded.

Yeah, I'm guarded, yeah, you know, I mean...

it's hard to let everything

that's inside out, you know?

You gotta stay protected in this town.

You gotta keep your cards close.

I can't let down all the important people

who picked me. I can't let myself fail.

What is that?

That's what I went to law school for.

I wanted to be a forest ranger.

That was my secret dream.

But nobody understood. It just seemed so wrong.

- Wow. Wow, this is so cool.

- Not cool.

This is really good that you're

letting it all out like this.

I just got through this broken engagement.

And I just lost it all. Now I'm... damaged goods.

- I'm like this broken girl.

- No... no, you are not.

And I don't know if I'm ever gonna

find that happy life again.

- Yes, you will.

- I don't know.

Don't you wish you could take a time machine back?

Yes.

Sixth grade might have been

the best year of my life.

- Amazing campouts.

- Skating.

- Man, I loved the woods.

- Yeah.

And the woods loved me. God,

it feels so good to cry.

- It's good to cry.

- It's good to cry.

I never cry. You know, it's

like a fantastic... number two.

We're better than a time machine.

Because, together, we can make things good again.

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