Accidental Love Page #6

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- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I was praying for

something, or someone, to come along.

Make me be different and be better

and to start taking chances

and... start being more real.

And have courage, you know,

like a forest ranger would.

And I think that's you.

That's us.

I've never met a guy who

thinks about things like this.

Maybe I could be happier than I was before.

I just want you to know that this is

me really liking you, not the nail,

and that I think that the involuntary sex

thing turned off when my head hit that light.

And now the voluntary sex thing is on.

I'm also volunteering.

Also, don't you think we should get to

know each other a little bit better,

- more than just the ranger stuff?

- OK. Well, like what?

I don't know. Like, what are your parents like?

What are your parents like?

My dad's a plumber. My mom's a secretary.

And I love them.

My parents are both tax attorneys.

And I love them both.

And I hate taxes. What-what else?

Did you have a pet growing up?

A little dog named Coconut. What about you?

Black dog named Bojangles.

- OK, good.

- Good.

- Morning, Sunshine.

- I feel great!

Me, too.

I can't wait to meet the Speaker of the

House and start drafting that bill today.

I can't believe it's really happening.

Here it is, the new Girl Squaw moonbase cookie.

My wife and two kids are my pride

and joy, but I love my job.

Many heads of state have come through

this office and now the Grand Sacajew...

- Wea.

- Wea of the Girl things.

- Squaws.

- Squaws, Girl Squaws.

I can't get enough of these chunky gunks, Marsha.

Hey, what's in these?

Real macadamia nuts, pecan bits,

walnut shards and chocolate chunks.

Which all represent multiple warheads.

- It's going to be my moon base now.

- Your moon base?

This office's gonna to be a catastrophe,

sir, now that I've got momentum on it,

- you're saying it's your idea?

- That's life in the big city, Pam Henry.

Mr. Speaker, may I introduce Miss Eckle...

- from my district?

- Hi.

- Thank you for your help.

- Thank you, sir.

You spoke to the people last night

and my moon base is gonna pass now.

Now I long dreamed of this amazing

galactic outpost protecting us all.

After it was my dream.

I guess everyone's dreams. Let's take the picture.

- Can my friends be in it?

- Sure, of course.

- Oh, you mean these friends.

- Howard. Alright.

Mr. Speaker, I'm working as a

prophet for all uninsured people

as depicted in this original

watercolor made by my beautiful woman.

- Is that supposed to be me?

- That's the black you, baby girl.

- Awesome.

- Let's take the picture.

Why you sitting sidesaddle?

Oh, it's good to sit.

I'm sorry, guys, we just don't

have that kind of time right now.

I think they're a little confused about the event.

- No, they're fine.

- Yeah. You guys must be confused.

No, I thought we were just going to

attach our little emergency care bill

onto the big moon base thing, you know,

little satellites just orbiting the big moon

because of-of my TV thing last night.

I mean, that's what we talked about.

- That wasn't confusing.

- No, it wasn't.

I don't think Howard meant that

literally, did you, Howard?

- Well, how else would he mean it?

- Like a lie?

Lying doesn't square with God.

So true, you know, that's life in Washington.

Look, I got a big appointment at the White House.

And, um... I, um...

You know, I-I'd love to sit and

discuss this all with you.

I'd very much like to come with you.

How can you go to the White House

and not bring me? This was my idea.

It's just between me and the President.

What if we really did get Shakira?

- What?

- What's Shakira?

What if we really did do Alice's law?

- Alice's law?

- Alice's law?

Something small, something specific.

Nothing that's big.

Nothing that would cause a big debate.

Just in addition to military moon

base satellite defense project.

What does he mean, really get Shakira?

- Who's Shakira?

- Those are interesting ideas.

- However, we don't have time right now.

- She hates when anyone else gets an idea.

That's not true. I love when

other people have ideas.

I adore the process, which in

reality takes time and compromise.

Like a great relationship, it never works.

Not us, baby. We gonna survive.

So very sorry, guys. Another time, for sure, soon.

- What's happening?

- They're not gonna help us, Marsha

and you're not gonna get Shakira, either.

- Is that true?

- That's not true.

- No Shakira?

- Oh, there will be a Shakira.

Of course, there will be Shakira.

Or Shakira-related merchandise.

If I don't see some proof right now,

I'm calling a press conference

saying how Congress boned the Girl

Squaws and I'll f*** sh*t up.

Why don't we just calm down, Marsha?

Get off me, Judas.

- Sound the Squaw alarm.

- No, no, don't sound the Squaw alarm.

Mr. Speaker, breathe.

- Breathe. Mr.-Mr. Speaker, breath.

- I know the Heimlich. Watch out.

Oh, my...

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Speaker, we'll do it your way!

- You're caving?

- Mr. Speaker is choking! Get help!

- EMT's on the way!

- This man is choking on your issue.

We have to clear the airway.

- Do something.

- He doesn't want it. He doesn't want it.

Oh, my God, he's dying. He's dying.

- Howard, rip open his shirt.

- OK, OK.

Clear!

- Here, let me try.

- No, I got it.

No, wait, he's my boss. Plus

I've always wanted to do this.

OK. God.

- Let me try it! Wait, he's my boss!

- You're doing it...

- Let him help you!

- He was my boss before he was your boss.

It's broken. It's broken.

I'll save him. It's not broken.

You're not doing it right.

Stay with us, Mr. Speaker. You're my mentor.

We're not gonna lose him!

Wow.

What's going on? Why are you watching this?

- Alice is on TV.

- What? We were gonna watch "Terminator."

- Brenda, can you move?

- I made popcorn.

- I know.

- I slept over.

Brenda, I told you that there's a 55-45%

chance that I couldn't get over Alice.

Now that's going to 70-30. She's amazing.

Amazing? She has a damaged head.

OK. 65-35. But I might still be in love with her.

Your numbers are garbage to me.

Call me, though, because I don't

know how this is gonna turn out.

This man that I hoped... I hope and pray to him.

I just wanted to let you know how

horrible I feel about what happened

and if that defibrillator

hadn't broken, it would have...

It wasn't the defibrillator. He choked to death.

But I asked God for help in

fulfilling big shoes of...

What is she doing here with her

weird band of confederates?

Oh, I'm sure she just, uh...

feels bad about yesterday.

- She's just...

- Yeah, go manage it.

OK, I got it managed. Take it off your mind.

- I've got it.

- Good.

Buck McCoy was a cold, I mean... He was my mentor.

Are you still being weird? Because

if you can't stop being weird,

- get away from me.

- Why? Feeling guilty for some reason?

What are you talking about?

Why should I feel guilty?

I saw you unplug the wire.

That is an outrageous accusation.

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