Ace Ventura Jr: Pet Detective Page #7

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Earthy, sweet, a strong bouquet of bamboo

with a slight infusion of crocus.

Just a touch of wild grass and... butt!

I smell panda poop.

Excellenty ear.

- How did y ou know that?

- I'm a meddling kid.

Dookie marks the spot.

Must be Poo-mas.

Or Jimmy Poo.

The Penningtons think they're smart,

but they're poo-pid.

We've caught them brown-footed.

They really stepped in it.

OK, Ace, enough of this crap.

You said "crap."

You did. OK, fine, fine.

(man) National Bureau of Fish and Wildlife,

how can I directyou?

Yes, I have an anony mous tip

forAgent Hollander.

Is he currently on... doodie?

(beeping)

- Gum! I need a piece of gum.

- Here.

We received an anony mous tip

instructing us to come here.

From whom?

Anony mous.

The tip said that the case of the missing panda cub

has been solved!

You're the one who called in the tip?

That's it, short stack. Nowy ou're in big trouble.

No. He's in big trouble!

We found these shoes in his closet!

It proves that my mom

didn't steal the panda.

I think I understand.

This cartoon has taken advantage

of my son's hospitality.

He's found some cheap

costume store haberdashery,

snuck it in as a birthday gift,

and planted it in my home.

And now he expects y ou to believe that I used

these ridiculous things in the commission of a crime?

Yes! Can y ou believe this guy?!

I mean, he's pathetic!

I'm glad I'm not in his shoes!

No pun intended.

He's been try ing to save his mom

with all sorts of crazy theories.

Get rid of these. He came by

the NBFW command center just the other day.

- National Bureau of Fish and Wildlife?

- Yeah.

I play golf with y our director. Join us for dinner

next time he's in Florida, Agent...?

Russell Hollander.

Thatwould be great.

How's the panda investigation coming?

I read...

Hey, Hometown!

You're not here to be interviewed!

Arrest this guy,

and let my mom out!

Would y ou excuse me for one second,

Mr. Pennington?

Call me Pennington.

Don'tworry, Ventura. I'm gonna make an arrest.

Two of them, in fact. Because y ou're out of control!

You wanna see out of control?

Let's go, right now! Ha!

Ha! I win, bedhead.

Take these twwo in!

Ex-squeeze me?

I'll make sure y ou're locked up until the panda case

is completed. We don't need more distractions.

(beeping)

Three o'clock!

- What the hell is that?

- Plan B.

- Sorry! Sorry!

- (panda noises play on stereo)

- Ah, panda song.

- Here we go.

Uh-oh. Hello!

The sweet sound of a mother panda

calling her y oung.

Oops! We're out of power!

- The house is clean!

- (panda noises continue)

- Check around back!

- OK.

They're small.

Why did y ou let them go?

Turn it up! Go!

Ting Tang will hear his mom calling him!

- Let's go!

- Get the guy with the boom box!

(Ace Jr.) Over there, point it over there!

Congratulations.

You found my horse stalls.

- Sir, I apologize for the misunderstanding.

- Get him off my property!

Silence!

They're all here.

Come on, half pint,

I'm getting tired of this.

Ha!

Don't go near those doors!

(Ace Jr.) Princess! Tabby!

Otter! Piggy!

Tortoise! Freedom the Hawk!

Be free!

Possum!

Ting Tang, I found y ou!

Touchdown!

Go to the hay stack!

I'll be right back!

Oh, no, y ou don't.

Come to me, my jungle friends!

(yells)

Vmonos, amigos.

You had every thing, sir.

Why did y ou do this?

I decided to start

an animal collection.

I wanted only the mostfamous pieces.

Smooth ride for stolen property,

Pennington.

And what a Pennington wants,

a Pennington gets.

Mr. Pennington, Sr., sir,

y ou're under arrest.

(various animal noises)

(imitates dice rolling) Whack!

Yahtzee!

What's that on y our tie?

I win.

- Exit stage left.

- Come on.

He's going to jail,

he's going to jail!

Ace, y ou're a really great pet detective.

What can I say?

Like father, like son.

I'm good, I'm good.

Let's go.

So when are y ou gonna find my koi fish?

I just solved a huge case!

I'm working on it.

Nothing to see here.

Just one of y ourfellow classmates

taking down a powerful billionaire

for stealing celebrity animals.

Hey, I knowwhere y ou're going,

and my future license plate is going to be

"ACE JR."

Where's he going?

Like father, like son.

Like father, like son!

Come on!

You guy s wanty our pets or not?

Come on!

(girl) Mr. Chompers!

You stole our pets?

I'm the pet detective here.

He stole y our pets.

He wants to be justlike his dad.

He wants to be justlike his dad.

Cruel, shallow, and selfish.

You forgotfilthy rich and egomaniacal.

We're Penningtons.

We can have whatwe want!

Oh, y ou're quite a pair.

But this time an Ace trumps a pair!

(laughs)

You did notjust make thatlame joke.

Oh, I did, sir! And y ou and y our dad

are going to look great in matching orange jumpsuits.

You think y ou're a good detective?

- Solve this.

- (alligatorgrowls)

The fish...

is about to disappear.

- Greeny!

- No!

Come on, I need help!

Open his mouth, I'm going in.

- (Sickinger) No!

- Five of y ou are going on a mission.

Couple of y ou

probably aren't coming back.

Ace, be careful!

What the...? Mazel tov.

(girl) Easy, Mr. Chompers.

That's where my hairdry erwent.

His mouth is closing!

People, his mouth is closing!

I think I got him! I got him!

(Sickinger) Careful!

Ewww! I think I just squeezed his liver!

That's disgusting!

Greeny!

No!

Way to go, Sparky!

Grandpa, what are y ou doing here?

I'm taking ten minutes off from retirement

to help y ou wrap up y ourfirst case.

- Thanks, Grandpa.

- Hey, Sparky, good going! Good Sparky!

I told y ou.

I told y ou he was sleeping.

Who had the hamster?

And the snake, and the turtle...

- Thanks, Ace.

- It's what I do.

Now, Laura,

since I solved y our case...

there was something

I kind of wanted to tell y ou.

What?

Well, it all kind of started

when I mety ou in third grade...

Don't be shy, Ace.

You like me.

You have a crush on me.

No.

I have a huge crush on y ou!

That's what I just said.

I'm good, I'm good now.

All right, let me just get my sealegs. This way.

I am Ace Ventura Jr.,

Pet Detective.

And I declare all of y our cases...

closed!

(cheering)

(crowd chantss) Ace! Ace! Ace!

Ace Jr... y ou're the man!

Actually, y ou knowwhat, Grandpa?

You're right! I am the man!

Get over here, Laura.

- I am so proud of y ou, Ace.

- Ventura!

- Thank y ou, honey.

- I love y ou, too, Mom.

All righty, then!

(# "Ace Is In The House"by Tone Loc)

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