Ace Ventura Jr: Pet Detective Page #6

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- This is the Madagascan Ay e-ay e.

- Ugh!

- The Proboscis Monkey.

- Big nose.

Ugh!

The Chinese paddlefish.

The Marabou Stork.

All of them endangered,

y et no one's ever heard of them.

- You knowwhy?

- No.

They're hideous.

Ugly.

- Butt-ugly, actually.

- You got it there.

(Sickinger) Whoops!

Sorry, that one's from vacation.

Ace, shoot me now.

Lights, lights.

And this has what to do with the panda?

Well, every thing!

We put all of these cute creatures

in zoos,

and then we spend insane amounts of money

to protect them.

And forwhat?

(retches)

I started the Pandafanatic website

to get attention for my cause.

That's all.

I didn't kidnap Ting Tang,

or any of those other animals.

All species of animals,

including the ugly ones,

should be treated with the same

respect as the cute ones, like pandas.

I think I just busted this case wide open.

Amigos, vmonos!

I have a car.

Ace! So what's going on?

Well, here's the plot up until now.

Our perpetrator

is stealing famous animals.

And there's none more famous

than Calypso.

He play ed the hero unicorn

in the epic trilogy that they shot in NewZealand.

His owners are doing

a benefit magic performance today,

and I got a feeling our thief

is gonna try and steal him there.

Punch it.

Here's the plan.

Doc, y ou watch the exits.

Ox.

You watch Doc.

Let's go.

Hi.

(Ace Jr.) OK, when we get past this,

A-Plus, Laura, split up.

Whoeverfinds Calypso, call in.

We'll stake out the perpetrators

and waitfor them to reveal themselves.

I've been looking around here all day.

- I can'tfind Calypso.

- He's right over there.

(man) For my next illusion...

- Magic show.

...I need a volunteer.

(crowd shoutss)

- (man) Avolunteer? Who wants to be in the show?

- (Ace Jr.) Me! Here! Pick me!

You. How abouty ou?

- No, no, me! Hey, wannabe magic man.

- Any one else?

- Me!

- Sure, son. OK, go inspect the box.

You'll see that there are no mirrors.

There are no strings.

There are no trap doors.

- What's he doing?

- I don't know.

Ace Irwin Ventura Jr.

Aty our service.

- Don'tworry, y ou'll be OK.

- (man) This is what I do.

- Are there any back doors?

- There are no back doors.

- Are there any mirrors?

- No mirrors!

- All right, go on.

- Stranger danger.

- Give him a big hand.

- (applause)

Raise the box.

You won't believe whaty ou're about to see.

Every one, remain calm.

One, twwo, three!

(crowd cheers)

And now...

Close the box.

Raise the box, gentlemen, raise the box. I'm

a professional, so nobody try this at home.

And now... Calypso!

What the...?!

- What happened?

- (man #2) Where's my horse?

Where's Calypso?

That horse gets six million a picture.

- Where's Calypso?

- Houdini, I want him back.

That kid right there. The volunteer.

He must know something.

What, me? No. Where would I be

keeping a horse that big? In my pocket?

- Where's Calypso?

- Why don'ty ou check y our mother's house?

- He's justjoking.

- Come on!

- Just get him!

- Hey, kid!

- Stop!

- (Ace Jr.) Slow down, Simba!

- (Laura) Calypso's really gone?

- (Ace Jr.) My plan worked!

- (A-Plus) What plan?

- I fed him one of y our homing devices.

Strawberry gummy, he loved it. Now he's gonna

lead us to whoever's behind all this treachery.

- Get him!

- Stop!

Sickinger, start the car!

I think they have rabies!

Here. Dog.

Car, car!

- Seatbelts!

- Seatbelts? What, are y ou kidding me? Let's go!

Where's my horse?!

They're getting off the highway

at Palm Grove.

That's where all the rich kids from our school live,

butwhere exactly?

- My invitation!

- (mocking) My invitation.

You're invited to my birthday partyy

this Saturday,

at3421 Tropicana Avenue.

OK, party people.

Suit up!

Party?

I haven't partied since '99.

Ox, vmonos!

(A-Plus) No, up there. No, wait!

Wait, stop, stop! Stop right here!

- No, stop here! Stop!

- I'm stopping, backseat driver!

All right, Laura and I

are going inside.

If we're not back by three o'clock,

implement...

plan B.

Sy nchronize watches.

Let's go.

A red carpet? What is this, an awards show?

Where's Joan Rivers when y ou need her?

Hey, y ou, make sure no weirdos get in here.

Talk aboutfilthy stinking rich.

Do y ou knowwhere the back of the line is?

How's the wife and kids?

What's the word I'm looking for?

- It's very regal.

- Exactly. Egomaniacal.

- Thank y ou.

- Holy Shaq!

How many puberties

have y ou gone through?!

- All right.

- Thank y ou.

Wear the wristband at all times.

Whoa. Invite only, kid.

- He's my date.

- What, did y ou lose a bet?

Ha ha! You're killing me, Smalls.

How abouty ou pick on somebody

y our own size? Like Sasquatch.

Now band me.

- Gray areas are offlimits.

- Yeah, y eah, y eah.

(machine bleeps)

- Electronic device.

- Here.

Don't touchy the hair! I haven't been treated this badly

since I got sick in a country with socialized medicine.

- 10,000 shares of Exxon stock! Awesome!

- (disappointed) I got a Rolex.

- Didn'ty ou bring him a gift?

- I got him the one thing he doesn't have.

- What?

- Nothing.

Holy real estate!

This place probably has its own zip code.

I bety ou we need an exitvisa

to get out of here.

Best party ever!

Bananas!

Get out of the way.

Make room for Mr. Pennington.

Ooh, it's Mr. Big Scary Billionaire Man.

"Pirates of the Caribbean"

is the other side of town, sport.

- Don't touch me.

- Stay back, people. Thank y ou. Out of the way.

He's mean.

Young ladies and gentlemen,

may I directy our attention to the sky!

The Pennington Estate now proudly presents

the momentwe've all been waiting for.

Puty our hands together

and welcome my son,

Pennington, Jr.!

(applause)

(girls scream)

- Wow!

- Big deal.

(Pennington Jr.) Hi, how are y ou?

Great to see y ou. Thanks for coming.

- How are we gonna get inside?

- Oh, I know.

Let's crash into the door

in our million-dollar personal helicopter.

- Ace.

- I'm working on it.

Hey, Laura, glad y ou could make it.

Hi, how are y ou?

Well, I asked my fatherfor the best party ever,

and, as y ou can see,

what a Pennington wants,

a Pennington gets.

- So please do not embarrass y ourselves...

- I got it. Let's go.

...by breaking any of the following rules.

Dad?

Gifts in the party bags

are not tax deductible.

Do not take any photos.

Any one found to be outside

of the designated areas

will be prosecuted

to the fullest extent of the law.

- Have fun, kids!

- (applause)

We'll cut the cake in 45 minutes.

Until then, happy birthday to me!

- Ace!

- I'm thinking.

- Down here.

- Yeah.

Ow! Watch the hair!

Will y ou stop spinning? I'm dizzy!

Let's go.

The tunnel oflove.

- In y our dreams, Ace.

- How did y ou know about that?

Oxnard. Big mouth!

(Ace Jr.) Follow me.

Who's the man?

They could have seen y ou!

- Why do y ou keep doing that?

- That's just how I roll, baby.

(sniffs)

If Scooby-Doo has taught me any thing,

it's that one of these books will activate a secret door.

(continues sniffing)

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