Adam & Paul Page #3

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Why?

I just want to sit down, like.

Here is much of room on this side.

Yeah, but me mate...

But I have placed

my bag on here.

I know, yeah, but I just want

to sit alongside me mate.

Who?

- Look, will you move up the bench,

for f***'s sake? - Hey, what is this?

I am sitting here first.

I have my bag here.

Is public property.

Just a bit, yeah?

F***ing hell! Jesus!

F***'s sake!

Thanks.

Just give me the f***in' milk!

- Hey! What is the f***?

- Sorry, I wasn't aiming at you.

- Why you throw this milk? - It was an

accident. - It was supposed to hit me.

- Sorry. - F***'s sake! My pants

and my bag all f***ing milky!

Why are you sitting so close to us

in the first place?

I don't f***ing have to ask

your permission where I am sitting!

Quit your moanin' so!

A f***in' accident!

A f***ing free country it is here.

I sit where I like!

- Too right a free country!

OUR f***in' country! - Oh, yes.

- Yeah.

- Here we go.

Yeah, here we go,

back to f***in' Romania with you!

Oh, yes, always f***ing same.

Always f***ing same!

- Yeah!

- What?

You are stupid person.

- And you are all stupid people.

- Oh, yeah? Why?

I am not a f***ing Romanian.

- Yeah?

- Always the same.

F***ing Irish! You say, "Go home,

you Romanian this and that!

You f***ing Romanian pig!

"You Romanian f***ing sponger!"

You listen to me now.

I am not a f***ing Romanian.

My whole life,

I am never Romanian.

My family has no Romanian peoples.

I've never been in f***ing Romania!

When you Irish stop

calling me Romanian?

Do you understand what I say?

- Yeah, fine.

- Yeah, right.

- So where are you from then?

- Jesus' sake!

I am from Bulgaria.

So is his jacket.

- What? - His jacket

was made in Bulgaria.

Oh, show him.

F*** off!

- So have you been here long?

- Two year.

It must be a relief, like.

Why?

Why you say a relief?

- Well, just...

- F***in' ignore the c*nt!

It's like Bulgaria is a shithole.

No, it is not!

No, but in comparison, like.

- Comparison with what?

- Well, Dublin.

You f***ing Irish!

Is it I am going f***ing crazy?

You listen to me now.

Bulgaria is not a shithole.

Beautiful. It is beautiful.

And now Dublin,

it is the shithole.

Full of liars and f***ing maniacs

and f***ing Romanians!

Well, why are you here so?

Because...

I have to leave Sofia.

Oh, right.

Was she pregnant, like?

What?

You f***ing crazy,

stupid Irish!

Why am I here?

Did you ever ask yourself

the same question?

Why are YOU here, huh?

Why the f*** are YOU here?

F*** this! Come on.

- Where?

- Just move.

Wait.

Excuse me.

Do you have some change?

Thanks!

- Jaysus! Do you see

who's over there? - Where?

It's f***in' Munky.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

- He's goin' to f***in' kill us, man.

- Why don't we go over to him? - No.

- No, we can ask him. Come on.

- F***'s sake!

- All right, Munky, how's it goin'?

- F*** off, Adam and Paul! - Hold on.

- F*** off! - We just want

to talk to you. - No, f*** off!

F*** off yourself! F*** off!

Who the f*** do you think you are?

F*** off!

Hello?

Hello! Nialler!

Nialler! Nialler! Nialler!

Nialler, are you there?

It's ringing.

'Hello... ' Hey, Nialler, how are you?

'This is Nialler. I'm not here.

Leave a message after the beep. '

F***in' answerin' machine!

- Get your hands off me!

- F*** off, you!

Ya f***in' gorilla!

I'll f***in' sue you!

- We were f***in' in there

f***in' spendin' money! - F*** ye!

F***in' prick.

Here...

What is it?

- Is it cramps, is it?

- Yeah, f***in' cramps.

Well, you're grand. They'll pass.

No, they won't.

I need to have a shite.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure!

- I need to go now.

- Yeah, well, go then!

Where?

I don't know. Behind somethin'.

I can't have a shite

behind somethin'!

- Yeah, well, a toilet then.

- Where?

- I don't know. The electric one

on the bridge. - No, I can't.

- Why not? - Cos I'm afraid of it.

- Oh, for f***'s sake!

I'm goin' to sh*t myself.

Look, will you just go

down the end of the lane?

I'm not havin' a shite down a lane!

I'm not a f***in' dog!

- Here!

- What?

I need somethin'

to wipe myself with.

Oh, for f***'s sake!

I'm not wipin' meself

with a 'tato bag!

For f***'s sake!

Yeah, come on.

- I'm in bits.

- I know.

I'm dyin' sick, like.

I f***in' know.

Right...

Come on.

- I don't think this is

such a good idea. - Shut up.

- Yeah, Wayne, but...

- Forget Wayne! F*** Wayne.

This is not Wayne's business.

Hello?

Janine?

There's no one.

- That telly's nice.

- Big.

- It is.

- Yeah.

- It's a good picture, isn't it?

- Clear.

It's like looking out a window,

isn't it?

It is, yeah. Except it's cartoons.

Yeah.

The whole place is spotless, too.

Lovely.

Yeah. Crazy.

What?

- Spending all your money

on your flat. - Do you think?

Yeah.

Only gets robbed in the end.

- I suppose.

- Definitely.

Sure, that telly's worth money.

A few bob.

- Askin'.

- Askin'.

- Bit heavy, though.

- No way.

D'you think?

Here.

Lift it with me.

Come on.

- See? It is light enough.

- Yeah, easy steal. Easy.

- You'd never get away with it, though.

- I suppose.

Unless you took it straight out

the front and down to Kittser.

That's be the thing.

Rid of it fast.

- Could it be carried that far, d'you

think? - Don't know. Wanna try it?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I'd say.

- It's askin' to be robbed.

- Askin'.

Ah, who's the baba, baba, baba?

Who's the baba, baba, baba?

You're the best baba, baba.

Aren't you?

You are, aren't you?

You are.

What are you doin'?

Checking down the

side of the cot.

- For what? - They put money

in cots for babies. - Who?

Old ones. Aunties and all.

Ha, look.

The baba's smiling.

Look.

Who's the baba, baba, baba?

You're the best baba, baba.

- Give me the baba.

- Who's the best baba, baba?

Are you the baba, are you?

You are, aren't you?

Aren't you the baba, baba?

Aren't you the baba, baba, baba?

You are. Aren't you the baba?

Aren't you the baba?

How the f*** did you get in?

The door was open.

It was left open.

- It wasn't.

- It was, Janine.

- I'd remember leaving it open.

- Well, it was.

It's amazing you haven't had

everything robbed or f***in' broken!

- Ah, no way...

- F***'s sake.

F***'s sake, yourself.

It was just the ordinary morning mass

and all, 10 o'clock.

But they read his name out

at the end.

Ah, nice.

- His ma was f***in' roarin'.

- Yeah?

Yeah. Hopin' to see

youse there, she was.

- Askin' and all where youse were

and things. - Ah, right.

- There's a do on tonight for him

down the Bunker. - We heard.

You're looking great, Janine.

Yeah. Really good.

Thanks.

How are you feelin' and all?

Really good.

That's good, yeah.

Just bored, mostly.

I never get out or around.

Aye, borin', all right.

It's good to have youse around.

Nice, like.

You can't stay.

Aye... yeah.

We know.

F*** it. I'm going to have to drop

the baba round to my ma's.

Yeah, all right.

Look, why don't you come

down the Bunker tonight?

I don't think anyone would

want us there, Janine.

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