Adam & Paul Page #4

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- You know, Wayne.

- F***in' Wayne.

Don't mind Wayne.

He's grand.

- He's been a great help to me lately,

he has. - Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Always bringin' stuff round for the flat

and all. And a few bob for being clean.

Still, though...

Look, f*** them.

I want you there.

You should be there.

I'll be out in a minute.

- Will I see youse tonight?

- Yeah.

Say day-day to your daddies.

Day-day.

Day-day.

See youse.

- All right? - Waiting on my bus.

- On your own, yeah? - Yeah, number 16.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- The 16? - Yeah.

- Well, do you wanna see something?

- What? - It's down the lane there.

- What? - Wait till you see. - What?

- I can't tell you. It'd spoil it.

Are you coming, are ye?

C'mon.

- My bus.

- There's loads of 16s.

Do you have a mobile phone?

- I'm not allowed.

- F***'s sake.

Here, is there anything

in his bag?

- Nothin'. Only drawings

and f***in' rubbish. - F***'s sake.

Right.

- Have you any money?

- No!

- Even a few quid. - No!

- Stop the crying.

- Give us your money. - I haven't got

any! - You must have f***in' money.

- Only my bus money.

- F***'s sake!

- Adam, we can't leave him here.

- We didn't f***in' touch him.

Now come on.

What the f*** are you doing

going round tellin' people about me?

- How?

- Sayin' I owe you f***in' money!

- I never... - Sayin' you'll

f***in' burst my head?

- I have no idea who the f*** you are.

- Scumbag!

- Honest to f***.

- Are you windin' me up? - No!

- I have no idea who

you are. - Clank!

- Clank?

- F***in' Clank!

Yeah, Clank.

Ah, Clank,

it's nice to meet you.

Ah, Clank, me hole!

Get in the f***in' car!

Would you come on?!

Here, Mr Cough.

If you get sick in my car,

I'll f***in' kill you.

- I'm grand... - I'm just tellin' you.

- All right, Zippy. Head out to McCarthy's.

I feel a bit of carnage comin' on.

Right. Here's the deal.

You two lads have caused

me an awful lot of upset today,

shouting your mouths

off about me and all.

I've decided to be merciful

and not rip your f***in' heads off!

- Thanks. - But the way I see it, youse owe

me, so here's the way it's gonna go down.

Me and Zippy here are going over to

that shop to cause a bit of mayhem.

- D'you understand?

- Yeah.

What I want youse to do is stay

here and at the first sign of trouble,

you just honk the f***in' horn.

That's all. Think you can do that?

- Yeah.

- OK. That's good.

And when it's over, we're quits.

I'll even sort you out with a fix.

- Great! - Thanks, but.

- Right, Zippy? - Yeah.

Let's go.

Right.

Out, you, that side,

to stand guard.

- It's locked.

- Well, unlock it!

No, it is unlocked.

It's... just shut.

- Closed.

- What are you on about?!

- You know, the thing. For kids.

- Show me.

Ah! Mind me f***in' leg!

- Oh, f***in' child lock!

- My f***in' leg...

Climb out of the front there

to be open from the outside.

How can I climb out the front

with me hand and me leg and all?

Jesus!

I wish they'd f***in' hurry up.

My f***in' leg is killin' me.

F***in' sore, it is.

- Would you leave it alone?

- I'm not doing anythin'.

- You've got your dirty fingers

all over it. - I was just lookin'.

- Fine. Let yourself go septic.

- What?!

Your leg will go septic

if you keep touching it.

- Why?

- Because your hands are filthy.

They're not filthy.

Oh, f***!

You're f***in' dead!

They're going to f***in' kill us.

Not lookin' out was bad.

Then stealin' their car, but.

They'll f***in' butcher us.

Just f***ing...

take it into town.

- Scrap. We'll sell it for scrap at the

flats. - I think you took a wrong turn.

- Yeah? - That last turn. If you took

that, you'd be at the flats.

I'm takin' it round the back

of the flats. Nice and quiet.

Round the back, no fuss.

See who's around.

- Avoid the f***in' cops.

- Yeah, pigs out.

Aye.

- Is there another lane there?

- Where? - Beside the shop.

- I don't know. - You're useless.

- I don't notice things like that.

Well, there is. See?

Notice.

F***!

Ohh... f***!

F***in' hell. Let's get

out of here before anyone arrives.

Me f***in' head...!

Here, lads. What happened

down there?

Don't know.

Some young fellas is after robbin'

a car. Near f***in' killed us.

- It's wrapped around the bollard.

- F***'s sake!

All I need is the cops with

everything in there f***in' robbed.

- Down the end of the lane it is.

- Yeah. Nearly f***in' killed us like.

Right. I'll see if I

can get it moved.

D'you need a hand at all?

- No, I don't. And don't youse be hangin'

around here, do you hear me? - Yeah, yeah.

Bad for business.

Now f*** off.

My f***in' hand...

and my f***in' leg

and now my f***in' head!

Why can't things be easy?

Just for once.

Just for once to be easy

and fine and relaxed.

And to be lucky.

Just a bit of f***in' luck!

That's all.

Hey, lads, where's Noelie?

- His down the lane lookin' at a crash.

- F***in' well for him!

My f***in' arms!

I'm not bleedin' waiting.

You work with Noelie, yeah?

- Just f***in' leave it here.

- That's what I'm doin',

- you bleedin', f***in'... - Woman.

- What did you bleedin' call me?

- No, I was just helpin' him,

like. - Lads, mind that.

Tell Noelie Laurence

dropped it in. He knows.

- Keep it out of sight, will youse?

- No problem. - Certainly.

- Come on!

- All right, I'm comin'!

Oh, me f***in' arm...

- I can't see where I'm going!

- I know where you're going.

Where did youse get it, lads?

- We just had it, is all.

- We just had it.

And now we want to get rid of it,

you know?

We robbed it.

Very good.

And who did youse rob it from?

Em...

Noelie.

- Good luck, lads.

- No, it's cool, but...

Noelie would burn me to the

ground if he found that here.

- See youse later lads.

- Kittser, you must know someone.

Hm, we know loads of people.

Someone to take it.

It's worth money.

Please.

All right, but if I ever

hear a word back 'bout this,

youse will have the living shite

kicked out youse. Understand?

- Understand.

- The living shite.

Come on, get out.

Must be broke.

Come on. We'll take the stairs.

Oh, f***, no!

Wait! It might work.

Here.

Just f***in' get movin'.

F***'s sake!

Would you f***in'

pull at your end?!

How can I with my f***in' hand

and my f***in' leg?!

- Come on, lads! We haven't got

all f***in' day! - Oh, for f***'s sake!

Come on!

Come on, come on, come on!

Now shut up

and leave me doin' this.

- So? - I have this telly,

as you can see.

Kind of special.

I need to offload it, out of town.

- So?

- Give it to you for...

180?

Good telly. Flat screen, Black

Diamond, surround-around sound.

People pay a lot

more than that.

- 75. - Gringo,

I am tryin' to help you here.

Oh, really?

You were good to me once.

Now let me help.

Who the f*** do you

think you are?!

I know who I am, Gringo.

So let's start again.

The telly.

- I'm done with you.

- Whatever.

- Just take my help, little man.

- I don't need your help. - You do, but.

You always did.

- Would you look at the f***in' state

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