Addicted to Fresno Page #2

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I'm pretty sure

therapists aren't supposed

to f*** their rehab patients.

Therapists are screwed up

people. Everybody knows that.

You're the one who Sharon stoned

me in the office, remember?

- That's hot.

- It was very hot.

"Basic instinct"

is a great movie.

But I can't.

You said when I get back

to my sister's,

we'd be back

on a regular schedule.

I need to get laid.

You know,

I think as your therapist

you should probably go

to a meeting tonight, okay?

I'm wet.

Fine, meetings are

great places to get laid.

Okay, I can f*** you in the car

but I have 10 minutes

and that's it. Let's go.

From your hips. From your hips.

Watch your footwork.

I promise I won't make

you do more.

Okay. Um...

Okay.

Krav Maga.

We have one rule, one rule only.

Never stop fighting!

- Hiya!

- Hiya!

Thank you.

I'm here mondays,

wednesdays, Fridays at 8:00 P.M.,

weekends I'm here at noon.

The rest of the time

I'm studying to become a nun

so don't bother me.

- Hello.

- Hey, Kelly. Great class.

Amazing focus tonight. Really.

I'm totally rethinking my plan

of knifing you in an alley.

I didn't know

you had that plan.

Hey have you seen

Alicia around?

I just thought

that I would see her

'cause she usually

works out at night.

I mean, thank God I didn't

'cause it's just...

it's weird because, you know,

she can't work out

in the morning.

And she doesn't get down

with her paralegal stuff

until like 7:
00.

And then she can only really

work out between 7:30 and 8:30

because she has to watch

"the good wife" at 9:00.

And she's not here.

I haven't seen her.

I probably shouldn't

tell you this

but I really think

I pulled something

like, I mean gluts back there.

I probably shouldn't have

had those beers pre-class.

That's okay.

Why don't we go somewhere

and continue having beers?

And then get some thai food

or something.

Do you want to do that?

I love thai.

It's just it sucks

because I can't tonight so,

you know, my sister is back

and I just... I don't want to

leave her home alone too long.

She's still fragile.

Okay, cool.

I mean not cool that she's

fragile or whatever. I'm sorry...

what's up, shorties?

What?

I was just trying

to make some small talk.

Bye.

Bye.

Today we're talking about our

bottoms, so p.s. On the tops.

Watch the trigger material,

please.

Sorry, Denise.

Talking about our rock bottoms.

I was living

a pretty awesome life.

I worked at "the Oprah show"

in Chicago.

I started as an assistant,

worked my way up

to associate producer.

I was making a lot of money.

And I was doing a lot of blow,

like, a lot of blow.

And you know how blow is.

It's very slimming.

I had like abs to my neck.

I looked like a f***ing

Pakistani mark-Paul Gosselaar.

That's Zack Morris

from "saved by the bell."

Everything was going great.

I had that sh*t on lock,

or so I thought.

Cut to two years later

and I wake up completely naked in

an abandoned construction site

outside of wrigley field.

How did I get there?

I don't know.

I don't even like baseball.

Anyway when I...

Did make it to

work that day, I got fired.

Oprah was very strict

about that.

I was this close to Oprah,

literally this close.

She would walk right by me.

And I threw it all away

for drugs and dick...

mediocre, mediocre dick.

Pretty good drugs though.

Thank you.

I don't, like, consider

losing a job a bottom.

It wasn't just any job.

It was a job with Oprah winfrey.

Who gives a sh*t about Oprah?

America.

She's a b*tch.

Shan, the smog index is at 2.

It's a great day. Get up.

Hey, shan,

I laid out your uniform and the

shower's hot and ready for you.

I'm going to make us breakfast.

Okay.

You need to get up.

I heard you.

I'm employee of the month

so I don't want to be late.

I know you don't.

You shouldn't eat that crap.

You know, you've been

edgy all morning, shan.

I thought those meetings were

supposed to help mellow you out.

It's called progress

not perfection.

And I don't change the fact that

I still live in this sh*t bowl.

Hey, if you hate Fresno so much

why did you come back?

Obviously because I've made a

series of poor life decisions.

Look, positive thinking

means positive results.

Hey, I own a home.

That's my American dream.

Location, location, location.

Hey, Nancy.

We're actually going down.

Oh, yeah?

I'll take the ride with you.

You're new here.

I know everyone who works

in the hotel. So...

How do you like the job so far?

I clean rooms.

How do you think I like it?

Right.

Enjoy your burrito.

Have a great day, ladies.

I hate that guy. He's always

here with prostitutes.

Prostitutes have to eat too.

Well, he's gross.

He's fine.

Don't be so judgmental.

We're still not cleaning 400.

His room smells like burnt hair

and he reuses old condoms.

Nobody does that.

He does.

- Shan.

- What?

He hangs them over the shower

rod like wiener cozies.

Well, that's foul.

I appreciate your

creativity right now

but this isn't an art project.

This is a professional job.

You told me to stock my cart.

I am stocking my cart.

You're over-stocking.

That is way too

much toilet paper.

No one is going

to go to the bathroom that much.

Um, you know, I'll take

rooms 403 to 408.

Well, all right.

Are you sure you're going

to be fine on your own?

I think I can clean pubes

off soap by myself.

Thank you.

Hey, did you get that

picture I sent you?

Yes, I did.

You look very healthy.

You look very well hydrated.

I just posted it on Instagram.

I have 10,000 new followers.

Listen, I have

some very big news.

What is it?

I gave Julie the letter.

I'm finally out,

like, really out.

Wait, why? What did you do?

I gave her the letter.

I told her everything.

What?

You know, I didn't think

I was going to be able

to do it but I saw the moment.

It sort of presented itself,

and then I was present for it.

And it just kind of happened.

She didn't take it very well.

But, you know,

that's going to be her thing.

I want to be a real couple,

okay?

I want to go to movies with you

and sit at the same table

in restaurants

and not have to f***

in the bush.

- What do you think?

- Why would you do that?

Well, because you told me that

you wanted me to leave my wife.

Yeah, but I didn't think

you'd actually do it.

God! Who does that? Go back.

Well, I can't go back.

I just told her and I'd...

go back, Edwin.

Shannon, I love you, all right?

I'm in this.

You're in this too, right?

Look, I can't take this kind

of pressure right now.

Huh? What do you mean

you can't take...

I'm not what... what?

Hey, can you come back in 10?

Do you want to f***?

Hey, Alicia,

it's Martha calling.

I was just calling

because I didn't see you

at the gym last night

and that makes

me really worried.

You call me champ,

and I'll f*** you so hard

you'll come out your butt.

I thought about what you said

and I told her that you can

only stay for two more weeks.

I mean, I haven't told her yet

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