Adult Beginners Page #4

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I'm not saying anything.

Nothing happened, okay?

Except the occasional couples

massage in separate rooms.

Anything else?

I don't know.

Do we need to talk?

Okay, I'm gonna go

to my air mattress now.

Add the power of oxygen

to every load...

When you open a restaurant,

it's scary, 'cause you're

putting yourself out there.

Hey. You want to watch

something stupid?

Hmm?

Like Chopped?

I'd be asleep before they even

f*** up the appetizers.

Justine, come on.

You know what's on next.

House Hunters International.

Move over.

Your touching my elbow.

Oh, sh*t.

What... why are you up so early?

I thought we should spend

some time together today.

Okay.

Since it's...

You know, the anniversary.

Mom died on the 15th.

It's tomorrow.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

I'm going back to bed.

No, no, come on, come on.

You're already up.

Hi, Duncan.

So where are you gonna move?

I don't know, we can't afford

anything around here.

So don't sell our house.

I want to.

I need a change.

We can't live there forever.

If we don't sell it now,

we'll never leave.

Oh, is that Dana Sormin's dad?

Yeah.

They still live here.

You've got to switch with me.

He caught me feeling up

his daughter in eighth grade.

I can't let him see me.

Don't worry about it.

You've gained a lot of weight

since high school, Jake.

What? No, my body's

just changed shapes.

Is that why you're

wearing Mom's coat?

- This is Mom's coat?

- Yeah.

He's gonna think I'm walking

with my Aunt Lynne.

"Hello, Madam."

"Oh, hi, sweetie.

You married that Cuban boy,

huh?"

"You know, the Cubans

and the Jews, they really...

They really get along."

"They understand oppression."

That's right.

Be nice.

He never gets to talk to us

in the same place

at the same time today.

Be nice.

You said that already.

- Hey.

- Hi, Dad.

Oh, there you are.

We just thought we would

call you together

and see how are you doing today.

It's terrible here.

- Yeah.

- - Oh, my gosh.

It's just like a blow furnace

out here.

It's supposed to go

up to 103 today.

- Forget having a hairdo.

- Really?

Soon we're just... we're gonna

stop wearing clothes altogether.

Oh, wow.

We're just gonna wear

rash cream.

- Wow.

- Dad, we...

We took some tulips

over to Mom's...

I appreciate that.

Now, where is Teddy, huh?

Yeah, where's that...

Because I have something

I want to show him.

What is this?

Oh, my gosh.

Dad, what are you doing?

I...

Just... I want to show you

the new pool.

Oh...

A little spray tan,

you think maybe?

Show of hands.

- Oh.

- Just a little.

- Hey.

- Oh.

We just ate lunch, so...

Come on, I want Teddy to see

the diving board.

Oh, no, he's... actually, he's not

here, Dad, so you don't...

Whoa, is that Bruce Willis

and his new hot young wife?

Looking good, Bill!

Who is that, that handsome,

drop-dead gorgeous Danny?

I'm just walking through.

I'm working.

- Don't go. Don't go.

- Where's Teddy?

Teddy's napping, Dad,

so it's just us, yeah.

Oh.

- Yeah.

- Miss that munchkin.

Well, can he swim?

No, he's three.

Well, now's the time.

See, we waited

too long with you two.

- Well, he's only three.

- So...

No, don't wait too long.

You didn't wait too long,

did you, Dad?

- What?

- We can't hear you now.

- Jake.

- What? It's on mute.

- I didn't touch a thing.

- It's not working.

He's not good on the phone,

okay?

It's like he has no idea what's

going on with this family.

He hasn't even asked

why I'm here.

- You done?

- You call them every week?

Yeah, every week.

You have a death wish.

- Hey.

- Probably... Oh, there we are.

- Hey. Hey.

- They're back.

What happened?

We didn't do anything.

I-I think it just

dropped out for a second.

- What made that happen?

- Technology.

Yeah.

One of those things,

but we'll let you go.

It was great to see you, and...

- Wait, whoa, whoa.

- Don't go yet.

When are we gonna

get to see Teddy?

- Yeah, that little Teddy Bear.

- No, he's napping now,

so we'll try you

later in the week.

Did he get those little

turquoise cufflinks I sent?

I did, I did, yeah.

You know, maybe for his

confirmation I could...

Or his Bar Mitzvah.

Okay, well, we'll just do

a little David thing,

and then we'll do

a little Christ thing...

Yeah.

And you know,

just have a wardrobe.

Uh-huh.

Okay, well that's it,

so we're gonna go,

but it was lovely to talk

to you, Dad, we miss you.

Yup, and you get that boy

swimming.

I'm doing fine, by the way.

- Okay, good one.

- Give my love to Teddy.

Okay, that's it, bye.

Bye.

- Okay.

- Bye.

I mean, that made me

physically nauseous.

- Do you like talking to her?

- I have a severe headache.

I can smell the hairspray

through the screen.

Teddy, you got

any straight pieces?

Want to trade?

Hi!

- Hi!

- Mom, I love you!

Yeah! I love you!

Come here, monster man.

Can I have a kiss?

Please?

Mwah.

Look at

these beautiful trains, huh?

- Yeah.

- Look at that.

You guys are busy.

So?

It's gorgeous.

I signed you up

for a "Mommy and Me" swim class

at the high school.

- I'm gonna swim!

- Yeah.

It starts tomorrow.

No.

I did.

I don't have a bathing suit.

That's okay.

You can borrow one of Danny's.

Ew, I'm not gonna wear

another man's bathing suit.

That's like rubbing Ds.

What are you, ten?

I don't know, am I?

You need some structure.

Danny will give you the car,

he said he would, and Teddy's

old enough. He should learn.

I agree that he should learn

to swim, with his mother.

There's no classes available

on the weekend.

I already checked.

Okay.

"Swim class, 3-5 years old.

"Friday, 4:
00-4:45.

"Still available.

Saturday, 2:
00-2:45.

Still available.

You want me to check Sunday?

- Are you done?

- Mm-hmm.

2:
00 P.M. will f*** up his nap,

so we'll go Friday, together.

Fine, but I get

my own bathing suit.

I don't give a sh*t

what you wear.

Fine, I'm gonna do it nude.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Excuse me,

you have anything else

that's a little less

Margaritaville?

No, what you see is

what we have, man.

Holy sh*t.

Hello? Dude.

Nothing?

Paul Reggio.

Reggio Jackson? Come on, man,

everyone called me that.

I went to New Rochelle High

with you.

Oh, right.

Think we did Guys and Dolls

together.

I think you were Sky Masterson,

and I think I was

Nicely-Nicely Johnson.

No, that was Goldberg.

That's right.

I did tech.

But if I auditioned, I would

have been Nicely-Nicely Johnson.

No doubt.

All right, man, good to see you.

Thanks, man, doing good.

Doing good, you know,

assistant manager, so...

- Really?

- Some day.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

- Sweet.

- Crazy, man.

Oh, dude, do you remember

Ben Bresler's cast party...

you went to?

I think it was the night

you found out you got

into Colgate.

- Cornell.

- Cornell, that's right.

- Yeah.

- Colgate's a toothpaste.

Stupid.

Oh, dude, you took

the hugest rip

off of Bresler's bong.

You tore your pants off,

you did LaserDisc karaoke

to the Moonlighting theme?

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