Adult World Page #3

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- There you go.

- Thanks.

Enjoy!

Awesome.

You okay?

Every literary review in the

country hates me.

They don't hate you.

I promise.

Oh, they do. Look.

Rejection letters, all of them.

The new yorker, Harper's.

Even the Southern Tallahassee

poetry review hates me.

I'm running out of time.

Can't be a wunderkind past 22.

A lot of great writers weren't even

recognized till after they died.

I know.

I've been thinking

about that a lot lately.

- What do you think of that?

- I think it's horrific.

The previous model,

which didn't even talk, sold like

I'm really beginning

to think that everything...

...in this world is cheap and plastic.

Nah! These are high-quality.

It says so right on the box there.

"Voice activation is initiated...

...by penetrating

one of the three lifelike cavities."

- Do you want to do the honors?

- I don't want to touch her. No!

Up and to the right, right?

Do you know?

I don't know.

I think that's what I heard.

Can you please stop doing that?

Ahh! Oh, God!

- Oh, my God!

- Give it to me.

Give it to me.

Oh, yeah.

Give it to me good.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Give it to me good.

- It sounds like your dad.

- Ew!

This is just so not how my life

was supposed to turn out.

I was supposed to do great things.

I mean, I got good grades.

I won awards.

I stayed true to my art,

and didn't let myself get distracted

by all that trivial stuff.

Like what?

You know, like, guys and stuff.

Wait.

Never?

You a virgin?

You work at a porn store,

surrounded by d*ldos,

and you're a virgin?

I assure you, the irony isn't

lost to me.

Well...

You need to find somebody

to help you along

and teach you sh*t,

somebody with connections.

I had someone...

Miss rowanna Sykes.

She was a wonderful woman.

She taught me everything I know.

How to sing from my diaphragm,

how to walk,

how to love, how to talk Mahjong.

She passed away.

I'm sorry.

I still feel like an orphan.

Go to bed.

Wow! A blizzard!

I need a letter from a past landlord.

It's such a crock!

Well, you should ask your dad

for a letter or something.

Yeah, right. Maybe you can pretend

to be my mom or something.

No, I could be your sister.

You know, I'm 19 on craigslist, right?

Oh, my God.

It's Rat billings.

- Who's that?

- My favorite poet in the world.

- I'm obsessed with him!

- Go talk to him.

What are you doing?

Why are you hiding?

- Hey, bubby, how you doing?

- How you doing, sugar mouth?

Ooh, brown-bagging it.

You're a thug!

You know, girl.

What are you doing?

Stop doing that!

- No, no, no, no, no!

- We just found you a mentor, girl.

Oh, God, this is a bad idea.

Aah!

So, who is this guy?

What's the story?

He's dark, and he's brooding.

You would think he was so sexy.

- Seriously?

- Seriously.

He kind of looked like

Dracula to me.

Well, that's kind of hot,

though, don't you think?

My thighs are gonna get real

after this.

Oh, my God, hold on.

Hold on!

Whoa!

Aah!

Aah!

Come on. Keep going.

I'm trying!

My God! I'm just trying to help.

- We're gonna lose him.

- No, I got this.

We're not gonna lose him.

We're not gonna lose him, Amy.

We're not gonna lose you!

He's turning.

Here it is.

This is it.

Go!

Go! Just...I believe in you.

- You can do it.

- No, you're right.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Let me clean you off.

- Go.

- Carpe diem!

Hi!

Excuse me.

- Hi.

- I'm Amy, the poet.

- Oh, yeah.

- From the other day?

- Um...

- I do. I remember that.

I was just in the neighborhood, and I

thought I would stop by and say hi, and...

How did you find out where I live?

- Well, you... I saw you driving.

- Oh.

Did leyner put you up to this?

Did mark... is this...

Come on.

- No.

- What do you want?

Um...Okay.

I was wondering if maybe you would be

willing to read some of my poetry.

You're a writer.

- Yes, I am, and I...

- Oh.

And I'm really good, and I just...

Been writing long?

I've been writing my entire life,

to be honest.

- That long, huh?

- Yeah.

- Great, great.

- Um...

Okay.

You're my favorite living poet,

I just want to say.

Thank you.

You'd be my favorite dead poet, too,

but obviously you're not dead yet. I mean...

- No, no.

- Sorry.

- Working on that, though.

- Thank you so much.

I'm gonna bring some of my work by.

I'll just drop it off.

- Or I can read it online.

- You know, I'm just gonna drop it by.

It's no problem.

I'll just come drop it by.

Is everything okay?

Are you thinking?

- Yeah. Yeah, I was thinking.

- Well, what were you thinking?

I was thinking you'd be the type

of muse I'd get.

No, s... are you serious?

I mean, I meant that

sarcastically, okay?

Don't stand out here.

I want to close the f***ing door.

Okay.

Muse?

Ha!

Here you go...

first paycheck.

Social security, taxes, medicare...

how am I supposed to

afford rent with this?

I don't know, but figure it out.

- Are you kicking me out?

- Yes.

- No!

- I don't mean to offend you.

I mean, I'm sorry.

- Why?

- I can't host with you there, Amy.

You're kind of a pain in my ass,

and I don't mean that in a good way.

Don't you like having me there?

- No.

- Why?

You talk like, like...

look how you talk.

Talk like what?!

Like that.

Just...Get a real roommate, okay?

Hi.

No pets, no rap music, no parties,

and no fireworks or gunplay.

- What do you think?

- Oh, This?

It's a shithole.

My parents would be horrified.

We're bohemians.

Are you completely mad?

- Hi!

- Like insane?

It's me, Amy.

I don't know if you remember.

Um, I just moved in down the street,

actually, so I thought I would

bring you a little housewarming gift.

Um... I hope you like kiwis.

There's a lot of kiwis.

- You want to come in, kid?

- Thank you.

Here you go.

Yeah, you can just put that

right down.

Can I get you something to drink

or nosh on, maybe a shasta...

or a triscuit or a trinket of some kind?

I'm fine.

Thank you for that.

Um, I put some of my poems

in the basket.

Great.

That's great.

I'll look at those at some point.

Why on earth would you want

to be a poet, Alice?

It's Amy, actually.

Um, I...I really feel a lot,

you know?

Even if things are just

happening around me,

I feel like I really

internalize it.

And I want to be able to speak

for all the people that suffer,

that feel the pain that I feel

every day.

- You know?

- Yes.

Why me, Alice?

Why choose me?

It's Amy, but you can call me

whatever.

Um... Well, you're unique.

Your work... it's real,

and it's honest,

and it's very partially subtle,

but then very in-your-face,

you know, loud.

and it speaks for an entire generation.

- No, no, it doesn't.

- Yes, it does.

I don't know what that means.

I'm glad people still like some of the stuff

I did, you know, back in the day.

- I'm just gonna throw something out there.

- Throw it out there.

- See what happens.

- Yeah, throw it on the trash heap.

- See what sticks.

- Well, okay.

I would love to be your protg.

My what?

- Your protg.

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