Adventures In Public School Page #2

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That list should fill up

and go viral.

Okay. I would really

like to cut in.

All right, he's all yours.

- Okay.

- Thanks.

Come here, you.

- This is nice.

- Yeah.

I feel like

a pretty cool kid.

You are such a cool kid.

I hope this is a long song,

'cause Grandma

is chomping at the bit

to dance with you.

You look like

a real man today, Liam.

What?

Good night!

Good night, Mom!

- Go ahead, open it.

- You already did.

Read it.

- Do you know what that means?

- That you opened it?

What else?

That I didn't

graduate high school?

No. You failed!

You failed home-school!

You failed us!

Look, I can take the test

again in four months.

There must be some kind of error.

6% in physics?

Physics, Liam.

You own physics!

Technically,

I don't own physics.

Technically,

physics owns me.

How can you get 6%?

- I caved.

- Caved how?

Under intense

high school pressures.

Bull crap!

You know this stuff.

This is why you've been such

a hush-hush bug. What...

What is it?

- Those questions were hard.

- Bull crap!

And plus, females.

I got all frightened,

and tingly, and--

Whoa.

Hold the telephone.

You're rebelling.

That's what this is.

Oh, my God! I can't...

I can't even look at your face.

You're rebelling so much.

I can't.

- Mom.

- No.

- Mom, look at me.

- No.

- Mom, look at my face.

- No! No!

Look. Mom! I saw some things

that I have never seen before.

I think I need

to fess up here.

Yeah.

I was thinking that maybe

I might make the decision

that it's kinda time for me

to maybe go to public school.

Public school?

Are you trying to kill me?

Liam, I have taught you

more in days

than they could

teach you in years!

Public school?

- Mom, I don't know what to say.

- Baloney!

What 12-year-old boy

teaches blind kids to read

Braille in Cambodia?

You are a man

of the world!

Baby, I don't get it.

Can you just give me...

Give me ten reasons!

I'm sorry.

Now I just wanna

be clear right off the bat.

This is school, right?

We're not just sitting

around the house

learning about pirates

and making volcanoes.

This school is serious.

As in serious gangs

and serious drugs. Yeah.

Sometimes I don't even

wanna walk down the halls.

Some of these guys

are packing heat.

I mean, take for example,

Maria Sanchez. She's...

Yeah, just like you,

straight A's, sweet kid.

But unfortunately,

she just took a leave.

- Because of the drugs?

- No.

She's got a lung thing.

Or no, it's a...

It's a brain thing.

It's one or the other.

It's... I've got it here.

I got it here somewhere.

What's happening?

What's that?

I don't...

Okay, I don't...

You know,

it's a zoo here, okay?

We've got

over 2,000 students.

Right. Well, we tried.

Let's go.

What if I took

the sick girl's spot?

What are you getting at, kid?

Well, if Maria Sanchez is sick,

then I can take her seat,

her classes,

I can do her homework.

I mean,

you have a free space

to experience high school

for one week.

That would save me

a lot of paperwork.

You can't really do that, though.

Can you?

Yeah. No. I mean,

I can do anything

with a memo. Just...

Yeah,

Liam can slide right

into Maria's slot

and take-- take her place

from the...

Um, let's see.

Yeah, go to her classes, sit at

her desk, do her assignments.

This is her class.

That's her class schedule.

And you're gonna need this.

This is her ID.

Modern dance and Phys. Ed.

ls that necessary?

Yeah. Maria Sanchez is

one of our top learners.

This looks like a community

center schedule,

or some kind of assisted

living center schedule.

A little independence.

It's good for you.

This is so hard.

I know.

- Do you have your key?

- Yeah.

- Okay. And your cell?

- Oh, yeah. It's...

Okay.

Right, one last hug.

Okay, final hug. Go.

Okay, hug break.

We're stuck together,

you and me.

- Yeah, forever.

- Forever.

- Well, not forever.

- No, forever.

-Okay.

-Okay.

Okay!

Hey.

- Who're you?

- Hello.

My name's Liam Heap.

I'm here for a week

to win over

the one-legged girl.

And I'm filling in

for Maria Sanchez.

This is her locker?

Yeah, Maria is

my locker buddy,

and you're not

getting the combo.

See, I got

my trophies in there.

Okay, you may

not recognize me,

but I am

the reigning champ

at the Cherry Rock High

Halloween Contest,

four years in a row.

Four years.

I got last year,

the year before that,

the year before that,

and the year before that.

You know

what I'm saying?

That means that

I am the bar.

Yeah.

You like Rigoberto Bianco?

Yeah, is he a wizard or...

No, no. He's like a... He's

like a Spanish Michael Bolton.

Look, I'm here

on a mission.

Right, the one-legged

wonder girl.

I swear, there's a new guy in here

every term chasing after her.

You know, she never told anybody

what happened to her leg.

She saves that.

It's legend.

Anyway, just to be clear...

we're not gonna be friends.

I got enough friends.

Right.

- Corey.

- Here.

- Stephanie.

- Present.

Justine.

Wow! Same class.

Looking at her was like looking

at Arp 273, the rose of galaxies.

Anastasia.

- Rider.

- Anastasia.

- George.

- Present.

Maria.

Maria Sanchez.

Oh, uh, here.

Can I help you, Mr. Teacher?

Maria's five-second

rule experiment.

I expect it

at the end of the term.

No, um, actually,

I'm not Maria Sanchez.

I'm just here for a week.

I'm home-schooled.

Aren't we all?

- Sarah.

- Here.

Harry.

No.

- No.

- Honey?

Not in a classroom.

- It's my mom.

- Liam, are you there?

Hola, mi nombre

es Maria Sanchez.

No,

I'm Maria Sanchez.

She has, like, a lung or a brain thing.

It's pretty bad.

J"Ah

J"Ah

on!

Hi, penis breath.

Where's Maria?

Oh, she's sick with a lung

and a brain thing.

It's at... My name is actually

not "penis breath," it's Liam.

I'm BDC.

- BDC?

- Brian Denis Chad.

That's like three

first names, sort of.

No. That's a first,

middle, and last.

Yeah, in that...

In your case, yeah.

Earthquake, Maria!

Good.

Hello!

Liam, hello. Honey, is

everything all right?

Liam? Hello?

Hey, Mom. No, it's fine.

It was a wrong number. Sorry,

I didn't mean to call you.

Oh. Okay,

I love you, sweetie.

I love you, too. Bye.

You're an even bigger

nerd than me.

Oh, yeah, I just figured

I'd warm my pants up. Toasty.

Oh, I forget to tell you

BDC is an a**hole.

Yeah,

I figured that out.

So, what? Everybody

calls me "Maria" now?

It's caught on pretty fast.

I mean, your name's Maria now.

It's pretty. Work with it.

Hey, new kid on the block.

- She has a limp?

- Yeah.

A real irregular gait.

Not weird, just irregular,

like she puts all of her

movement onto her strongest leg.

Kinda like one of those gimpy

dogs that has all that courage.

Liam, are you sure

that this girl is real?

She kinda reminds me of a

cyborg, but she's very real.

- Did she say anything else to you?

- Yeah, I told you.

She looked at me and then

she smiled like this.

And then she said,

"Ooh, hello there, you."

- I think she likes you.

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