Adventures in the Sin Bin Page #2

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SO THAT'S GOOD.

YEAH, HE WAS

A SOPHOMORE.

OH!

THIS IS YOUR STOP.

SORRY I CLEANED:

YOUR CLOCK.

OH, IT'S TOTALLY

MY FAULT.

I'M SORRY.

THANKS!

THAT SHOULD HELP.

HI THERE.

I'M TONY CAITO.

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

SIT.

PEANUT BUTTER PRETZEL?

NO.

[CRUNCH]

DO YOU KNOW WHA I DO AS STUDENT LIAISON?

NOT REALLY, NO.

IF YOU'RE BEING GOOD,

I'LL POINT THAT OUT.

IF YOU'RE BEING BAD,

WELL...

LIKE A... NARC?

NO, HATE THE WORD.

[DOOR OPENS]

THANKS.

GLENN SPEAKS:

HIGHLY OF YOU.

OH, HE'S A NICE GUY.

WHY'D YOU TELL THE

COPS YOU WERE DRIVING?

I HEARD SAL:

WAS DRIVING.

I ALSO HEARD HE:

HAD BEEN DRINKING.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

SAL.

SHITEHAUS?

CLEAN IT UP.

WE ON THE SAME TRAIN?

SURE... SORRY.

UNDERAGE DRINKING CAN

BE BECOME A BIG PROBLEM,

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU

GUYS ON SCHOLARSHIP.

BETTER BE CAREFUL.

I GOT IT!

UM, IT'S ACTUALLY

SHYTHEHOFF... HOFF.

IT'S GERM-INDIAN.

MY DAD--

NO, NO, NO,

I DON'T CARE.

YEAH:

OK.

WAY TO WASH YOUR HANDS,

TINY TIM.

I HAVE CLEANSER.

HOW'S IT WORK?

HOW DOES WHAT WORK?

WE SHOULD MOVE THE BIN.

I'M GONNA GO OUT ON A LIMB

AND SAY THAT AT LEAST 75%

OF THE SENIOR CLASS

IS SEXUALLY ACTIVE.

WOULD YOU AGREE?

I THINK THAT SEEMS EXCEEDINGLY

HIGH, DON'T YOU THINK?

I THINK THAT SEEMS

EXCEEDINGLY LOW, DON'T YOU?

IT'D BE SAFE TO SAY THAT YOU'RE

IN THE MINORITY PERCENTILE.

CORRECT?

IT'S TOTALLY COOL,

I'M NOT... JUDGING YOU.

TWO MONTHS AGO STEVE

AND I WERE PARTNERS

FOR AN ANCIENT CIVS PROJEC AND WE HAD TO MAKE

THIS REPLICATED-TO-SCALE

TROJAN HORSE OU OF PAPER MACHE'.

IT WAS ACTUALLY:

KIND OF AWESOME,

EXCEPT, UH, I HAD TO DO

THE ENTIRE THING MYSELF.

AND THEN STEVE BORROWED THE VAN

TO MOVE THE MODEL TO HIS HOUSE.

THEN HE HAD SEX IN IT.

IN THE TROJAN HORSE?

NO, IN THE VAN.

RIGHT,

YOU SAID "TO SCALE".

THEN STEVE TOLD GLENN.

AND SAL.

OH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE.

HEY-0H! HEY, KIM,

DO YOU HAVE A PASS?

MY CAR HAD A FLAT,

TONY, I SWEAR!

YEAH, I'M ONLY KIDDING.

YOU'RE STILL ADORABLE.

I'M TEASING YOU.

HE ALMOST DROVE HIS VAN THROUGH

A HOUSE THIS WEEKEND,

DO YOU BELIEVE IT?

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THAT'S CRAZY!

THAT IS CRAZY.

YEAH, THE COPS WERE GONNA

THROW HIM IN THE SLAMMER.

HE'S A WILD MAN.

WE JUST WANTED:

TO SAY "HEY".

CUTE SHOES THOUGH.

THANK YOU.

NICE TO MEET YOU,

BRIAN.

YEAH, YOU TOO.

SHE HAS THE NICEST,

SOFTEST REAR END.

I WANNA TONGUE-F*** IT.

HOW COME YOU DON' DRIVE AN AUTOMATIC?

SAME REASON:

I DON'T WEAR SHORTS.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC]

THAT'S FANTASTIC.

I CAN HELP YOU.

WITH WHAT EXACTLY?

I IMAGINE YOU DON'T RUN

INTO SPACIAL CHALLENGES,

PRIVACY ISSUES.

TEENAGERS ARE ALWAYS

LOOKING FOR PLACES

TO BRING THEIR:

BOYFRIENDS, GIRLFRIENDS.

SEEING THAT IT'S

UNSEASONABLY NIPPY THIS YEAR,

I'D SAY THAT LIS IS PRETTY SHORT.

BETWEEN ME, YOU, THE HALL

AND THE WALL,

HER FATHER'S THE DEAN OF

ADMISSIONS AT NORTHWESTERN.

BUT, MORE THAN THAT,

SHE'S A REAL SWEETHEART,

SO I'M SPOKEN FOR.

IF I WERE YOU...

PING. PING. EHH...

I'D ACCEPT MY HELP.

HOW'S NINE O'CLOCK?

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

EVERWOOD CONDOM.

HELPS YOUR STUFF STAY

A LITTLE LONGER,

JUST PUT THE:

RIGHT SIDE ON.

WHERE YOU TAKING ME?

EXTRA-CURRICULAR

ACTIVITIES DAY.

WE'RE GONNA

WORK THE ROOM.

JUST STAY CLOSE AND TRY

TO LOOK GENTLEMANLY.

[MUSIC]

I'M PULLED OVER

ON SHERIDAN.

COP COMES TO THE WINDOW

AND ASKS,

"HEY HAVE YOU FELLAS

BEEN DRINKING?"

"I HAD A FEW BEERS TONIGHT.

I'M NOT GOING TO LIE.

SPRING BREAK'S COMING UP,

F*** IT, RIGHT?"

[MUSIC]

OH, WHO SAYS YOU GE TO SIT IN THE COCKPIT?

THE GUY HATES ME,

I DON'T WHY.

MAYBE IT'S THAT I'M A YOUNG GUY

IN A VINTAGE JAG

WITH A ROSIE THE RIVETER

BUMPER STICKER...

I DON'T KNOW.

POINT IS, I DON' KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I'M SPEECHLESS.

I'M NOT GOING TO CHOP

YOU UP OR ANYTHING.

NOW I DEFINITELY

DON'T WANNA GET IN.

[MUSIC]

DON!!

BRIAN LEANS IN:

LIKE HE'S GONNA RUN SH*T.

HE KNOWS HE HAS TO BE

AGGRESSIVE, BE-BE-AGGRESSIVE.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC]

YOU'RE NO DOING THAT RIGHT.

[EROTIC MOANS]

[MUSIC]

I'LL NOTIFY YOU

OF MY NEXT WHEREABOUTS.

BRIAN SAYS,

"WHY, ARE YOU BUYING?"

[LAUGHTER]

COP LEANS IN:

AND STARES AT HIM,

HE DOESN'T TAKE HIS EYES OFF

HIS EYES, LIKE A F***ING HAWK.

[MUSIC]

HEY!

BROTHER.

HI.

UM BENNY, I KNOW

YOU JUST GOT HOME

AND THIS MIGH SEEM WEIRD,

AND I ONLY ASK THIS BECAUSE MY

POCKETS ARE PISSING QUARTERS,

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

TO MY LUNCH MONEY?

NO.

YES. I TOOK THE CASH

AND GAVE YOU SOME CHANGE

FROM MY:

VENDING MACHINE.

FROM YOUR - OF COURSE YOU

HAVE A VENDING MACHINE.

IS IT IN:

THE HOUSE?

NO, IT'S IN

THE BREAK ROOM:

OF AN APPLIANCE:

SHOP IN WISCONSIN,

WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE

THEY'VE VOLUNTEERED TO GIVE US

A DISCOUNT ON ANY ELECTRICAL

NEEDS WE MIGHT HAVE.

THEY HAVE:

EXCELLENT TELEVISIONS.

TOTSCH SAID:

YOU CRASHED THE BIN.

KNOCK YOUR DICK OFF?

YEAH, OF COURSE--

SO WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

IN THE BASEMENT.

NO, FOR LIKE

TWO AND A HALF YEARS.

AROUND.

HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING?

YES, I'VE BEEN WORKING.

I'VE WORKED.

PLUS THE VENDING MACHINE.

HAVE YOU TALKED:

TO LAUREN?

DID I MAKE IT WEIRD?

NO, I DON'T TALK

TO HER.

HAVE YOU SEEN:

MY BEANIE?

BEANIE?

MY BEANIE,

THAT WOOL HAT.

THE ONE WITH:

THE SH*T ON IT.

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

IS ALPHA-BRAN

THE ONLY CEREAL WE HAVE?

I REALLY ...

I HATE ALPHA-BRAN.

WHATEVER'S IN THE CABINET.

OK.

I'M GONNA LOOK

INTO THAT, LATER.

FOR THE HANDICAPPED

BATHROOM,

IF YOU NEED TO:

TAKE A MINUTE.

THANKS.

THIS IS FRESHMAN PHIL, HE JUS TRANSFERRED FROM MOUNT CARMEL.

BUT THERE'S A MUSHROOM

PROBLEM IN THE BACK.

TERRIBLE GAS MILEAGE.

A GIRL LEFT HER:

SHOE IN THE BIN.

HOW DO YOU KNOW:

IT'S A GIRLS?

WELL...

AND YOU DON'T LOOK

LIKE A SIZE SIX.

THAT'S VERY NICE

OF YOU TO SAY.

HOW DO YOU LEAVE

ONE SHOE?

PASSION.

TONY CAITO?

DEAN THEATARD.

HOW ARE YOU?

LET'S TOUCH SOME

SKY MY FRIEND.

YES!!!

HELLO, BRIAN.

HOW ARE YOU:

MY FRIEND?

GOOD, GOOD.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO

TOUCH SOME SKY?

SURE.

LET'S GO DADDY-O.

TOUCHING THE SKY!

SO, KEEPING THE 4.0

GOING THIS SEMESTER?

ABSOLUTELY, SIR.

THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.

YOU ARE COOKING WITH

HIGH-OCTANE GASOLINE,MY FRIEND!

AND, YOU GOT THIS GUY

LOOKING OUT FOR YOU.

YOU'RE SET.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

HAVE A NICE DAY?

IS THAT WHA YOU SAY?

YOU MAKE I A GOOD DAY!

IT'S UP TO YOU

WHAT YOU DO WITH TODAY.

TODAY'S A WONDERFUL DAY

TO BE ALIVE.

JUST CHECKING:

YOU KIDS OUT,

SEEING WHA YOU'RE MAD OF.

GOOD WORK:

TODAY GENTLEMEN.

MR. PHILABUSTERY....

YOUR HAIR LOOKS...

WRONG.

IT'S BEEN BOTHERING ME ALL DAY,

I LOOK LIKE A SALAMANDER.

I SAW YOU TALKING WITH KIM,

DID YOU USE THE STORY?

SMART WHORE THOUGH,

SHE'S GOING TO YALE.

HOW DO YOU:

KNOW THAT?

I READ HER TRANSCRIPTS.

BECAUSE EVERYONE SAYS,

"LOOK AT THAT WHORE, KIM".

WHY YOU GOING:

TO TELL ME THAT?

NOW I'M GONNA

FEEL BAD FOR HER.

BABY!

F***!.

HEEEEEY!!

I MADE LACTOSE-TOLERAN CARROT CAKE CUPCAKES FOR YOU!

O-M-GOD.

YOU'RE THE BEST!

SEE YOU IN:

THE JOCK-LOT LATER.

I LOVE THE F***IN'

SH*T OUT OF YOU.

LOVE YOU TOO.

I F***IN' HATE

CARROT CAKE.

WHAT?!!

[CHANGE FALLING]

I DON'T KNOW WHY

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