Adventures in the Sin Bin Page #3

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I HAVE POCKETS.

ARE YOU IN:

THIS CLASS NOW?

WE'RE GOING ON A FIELD TRIP

IN A COUPLE DAYS,

CHICAGO BOTANICAL GARDENS.

I USUALLY WALK:

AROUND AND GET HIGH.

I'M REBELLIOUS.

OH, FUN!

TONY GOT ME IN.

PRETTY COOL, RIGHT?

OK, YEAH.

I'M GOING

TO CHEM LAB, YOU?

STUDY.

I'M GONNA

GRAB A POP.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHOA, THAT GIRL

IS CHECKING YOU OUT.

DON'T TURN AROUND

TOO FAST.

YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE,

JUST LOOK.

THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED

TO ME BEFORE.

YEAH RIGHT.

I ALWAYS SEE YOU TALKING

TO GIRLS ALL THE TIME

AND I'VE HEARD LIKE THREE COP

STORIES INVOLVING YOU AND TONY.

I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF

AWESOME OUTSIDE SCHOOL.

I HAVE THIS PLAN THAT I AC KIND OF NERDY AND AWKWARD,

SO, THEN I CAN....

...POUNCE LIKE

A SEXUAL PUMA.

EXACTLY, POUNCE

LIKE A SEXUAL PUMA.

LIKE A REALLY:

NICE RAPIST.

YEAH, I TRY TO MAKE

THINGS COMFORTABLE.

I WENT ON A DATE WITH THIS

GUY THAT LOOKED LIKE YOU,

LIKE A WELL-MUSCLED,

COMBED HAIR VERSION OF YOU-ISH.

HE WAS IN COLLEGE

AND HE COULD DO ALL THESE

STUPID TRICK-DRIVING THINGS.

WHEN HE COMES:

TO PICK ME UP,

I'M STANDING OUTSIDE,

HE DRIVES PAST ME,

HE ROLLS HIS:

WINDOW DOWN--

HE ROLLS IT DOWN AND STICKS

HIS FINGER OUT, LIKE THIS,

THEN HE DOES THIS F***IN'

CRAZY SPINNING, FISH-TAIL THING

AND FLOORS IT TO

THE END OF MY BLOCK

AND THENS STOPS DIRECTLY

IN FRONT OF ME:

LIKE THERE WAS:

A F***IN' MARK THERE.

IT WAS AMAZING:

AND HE WAS F***IN' SERIOUS.

I LIKE THA HE WAS LIKE

"YOU'RE REALLY GONNA

WANT TO SEE THIS."

EXACTLY, I CAN'T EVEN--

BE CAREFUL WITH:

THAT WHORE KIM,

I'VE HEARD STORIES.

LIKE PISSING STORIES.

SHE'S GOING TO YALE.

I'M SORRY,

DID YOU SAY PISSING?

SHE IS STILL:

CHECKING YOU OUT.

I'LL SE A JEALOUSY TRAP.

[WHISPERING]

YOU HAVE GOOSEBUMPS,

PUMA.

SO, I'LL SEE YOU

ON THE TRIP?

YEAH, FOR SURE.

COOL.

DON'T RAPE ANYONE

WITHOUT ME.

[CHUCKLES]

I WON'T.

UGH!!!

[CHANGE FALLS]

I WANNA BE GOOD AT SEX

SO THEY HAVE A NICE TIME TOO.

WHO GIVES A NOODLE

WHAT SHE THINKS?

HOW YOU FIXED:

FOR CONDOMS?

I HAVE THE:

ONE YOU GAVE ME.

GET A NEW BOX,

PUT ONE ON AND JERK-OFF.

ANY PARTICULAR REASON?

EVER PUT ONE ON BEFORE?

HALF ONE TIME.

PRECISELY.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

SHHH!

DON'T MAKE ANY

SUDDEN MOVEMENTS.

[BLOWING NOSE]

ALLOW ME.

SO, WHAT IF I CAN'T...

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT THAT MEANS.

USE YOUR WORDS.

START THE CAR.

EAT OYSTERS.

YOU'LL BE ABLE TO

HANG TOWELS ON IT.

WET ONES.

I'M GOING TO THE STORE.

NEED ANYTHING?

YES... BUT I

DON'T KNOW WHAT.

I'M GONNA GO TOO.

NO, NO.

I'LL GET IT FOR YOU.

BUT I DON' KNOW WHAT I WANT.

THEN I'LL JUS GO BY MYSELF.

YOU'RE ACTING WEIRD,

I'M DEFINITELY COMING.

HEY!!

BE GINGER WITH:

THE DOOR, SON.

SORRY.

[ENGINE NOT TURNING OVER]

SON OF A B*TCH!

SH*T.

DISTRIBUTOR COIL

WIRE'S LOOSE,

THIS THING CAN' START WITHOUT IT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

DAD TAUGHT ME.

WHEN HE GOT THE VAN FROM

GUNZO'S, IT WAS A PIECE OF SH*T.

IT STILL IS,

BUT IT'S A CHARMING ONE.

WHY'D YOU CALL I "THE SIN BIN"

WHEN YOU CHEAT IN HOCKEY,

F*** UP OR WHATEVER,

THEY PUT YOU IN THE "SIN BIN",

THE PENALTY BOX.

GUNZO'S USED TO USE THIS THING

TO PUT BROKEN SH*T IN HERE,

OLD MERCHANDISE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE:

F***ED IN THIS THING.

LAUREN AND I WOULD FOOL AROUND

BACK HERE DURING PARTIES.

SHE'D DRIVE WHEN

I WAS WASTED.

SHE WAS GREAT, SHE'D DRIVE

ME AND MY BUDDIES HOME-

WE WERE PISSING AND

SHITTING AND VOMITTING

LIKE LITERALLY PUKING

ALL OVER EACH OTHER--

THAT'S ENOUGH.

SORRY, I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR

CRIPPLING FEAR OF VOMIT.

WHAT THE F***?!

I'M NOT GONNA

LIGHT IT!

I HAD A BLAS IN THIS THING.

YOU STILL:

HAVE A BLAST?

YEAH...

YEAH, TOTALLY MAN...

ME AND THESE DUDES

WERE JUST UP IN CANADA.

WHAT WERE YOU:

DOING IN CANADA?

NOTHING.

BUT WE GOT INTO A BIG BAR FIGHT,

ONE OF THE GUYS HAD A MACHETE.

PRETTY FUNNY.

[CHUCKLES]

GO AHEAD, START IT.

IF IT TURNS,

I'M STILL DRIVING.

HEY IT STARTED,

BENNY!

EXACTLY.

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

BENJAMIN.

I DON'T--

WHERE DO WE EVEN--

MY BROTHER WAS JUS ASKING ABOUT YOU.

HOW IS HE?

HE'S LITTLE

AND WEIRD.

AND YOUR MOM?

SHE'S...

GONE FOR A BIT.

I'M BABYSITTING BRIAN.

I MISSED YOU.

SO PEOPLE THAT YOU MISS

YOU DON'T CALL FOR SIX YEARS?

I DON'T REALLY TALK

TO PEOPLE ANYMORE.

I HAVEN'T TALKED

TO THAT MANY PEOPLE.

I'M NOT REALLY

PREPARED FOR "THIS."

I AM REALLY SORRY

ABOUT YOUR DAD...

BUT I KINDA WANNA PUNCH

YOU IN THE FACE, BENNY.

DO IT.

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

OH CRAP.

ARE YOU:

STILL A PYRO?

NO.

WHEN DID I TAKE:

YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?

JUNIOR YEAR?

YOUR JUNIOR YEAR?

EYEBROWS.

YEAH.

WELL THAT'S WHEN PEOPLE

WERE SHAVING OFF

LARGE PORTIONS:

OF THEIR EYEBROWS,

SO I JUST FIGURED

WHY NOT DO IT,

BECAUSE IT'S

JUST DEAD WEIGHT,

DEAD WEIGHT STICKING

ON TOP OF MY HEAD.

YOU KNOW,

IT'S LIKE A--

SO YOU JUST DISAPPEAR

AND YOU DON'T TELL ANYONE

WHERE YOU ARE GOING??

AND YOU THINK YOU'RE

SO COOL DOING IT.

BUT I CHOSE TO BELIEVE THA YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING AMAZING.

MAYBE YOU'RE TRAVELING

AND SEEING THE WORLD

OR GETTING YOURSELF

STRAIGHTENED OUT.

BUT I DID NOT THINK

I'D BUMP INTO YOU

IN LIKE I DON'T KNOW,

HAPPY FOOD.

"S"...

HAPPY FOODS, YES.

DID YOU MISS ME?

SWEETIE...

NO ORGANIC.

I KNOW.

THIS IS MY OLD:

FRIEND... GARY.

HI.

MICHAEL BELLMAN.

HI.

GARY FLATTERED.

YOU'RE LAST NAME

IS "FLATTERED"?

YES.

FLATTERED TO MEE YOU, GARY.

BENNY DIE-NESS?

I'M GARY FLATTERED.

WE HAVE:

A PROBLEM HERE.

I'VE JUST DETAINED A PERP

ON A SUBJECT 487B.

SHOPLIFTING.

SO WHY DON'T YOU GO GRAB

BENNY WHATEVER.

PERP'S NAME

IS BRIAN DIE-NESS.

HE GAVE US:

A DESCRIPTION.

THERE ARE ONLY TWO GENTLEMEN

LEFT IN THE STORE PRESENTLY.

YOU FIT THE DESCRIPTION.

YOU DO NOT.

AND WHAT WAS:

THE DESCRIPTION?

THE DESCRIPTION WAS,

A RED AND BLACK:

FLANNEL JACKET,

AN OLIVE PAJAMA SHIRT,

AND SOME HIGH PANTS.

BENNY DEINES?

GARY...

FLATTERED.

GARY, BEN.

THAT'S HIM?

OH, SWEETIE.

I WANT YOU TO:

COME WITH ME:

INTO THE BACK AREA

WHERE WE LOAD THINGS.

WHAT'S SO EMBARRASSING

ABOUT CONDOMS?

I'VE HAD A CASHIER LOOK

AT ME AND BE LIKE, "NICE."

YOU COULD'VE PICKED A

BETTER TIME TO SHOPLIFT.

LAUREN WAS THERE.

NO SHE WAS NOT.

AND HER BOYFRIEND.

HE WAS GOOD LOOKING.

LIKE A VILLAIN.

LIKE A LAWYER.

A LAWYER?

IS THAT A BAD THING?

ARE YOU GONNA TELL MOM?

F*** NO, LIKE THAT'S A

CONVERSATION I WANT TO HAVE.

SHE'D JUST BLAME ME.

THANKS, BENNY.

GUESS WHAT?

WHAT?

STILL F***IN' TOOK 'EM.

OHHH, CRIMINAL!!

[WATER RUNNING]

YOU'RE NO DOING THAT RIGHT.

HERE DO THIS.

[SLURPING DRINK]

[KNOCKING ON WINDOW]

WHAT?

I NEED THE BIN.

EMERGENCY.

WHY DIDN' YOU JUST CALL ME?

BECAUSE I DIDN'T.

HURRY UP, HONEY, I HAVE

A WHOOPEE APPOINTMENT.

GOOD THROW.

JESUS! WHAT THE--

I'VE DONE SOME

REALLY WEIRD SH*T,

SO IF YOU WAN TO TALK ABOUT--

I'M FINE.

COULD YOU SIGN THIS?

WHAT DID I JUS SIGN AND WHY?

TECHNICALLY YOU'RE

MY GUARDIAN,

AND IT'S A PERMISSION SLIP

FOR A FIELD TRIP TOMORROW.

HOW DO YOU FINGER A GIRL?

I KNOW YOU:

DIDN'T ASK ME TO,

BUT I WANNA TELL

HER ABOUT US.

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