Afternoon Delight Page #6

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You're a princess tonight.

Some nail polish, and some

bracelets, and some candy.

A bunch of fun stuff.

You're gonna be real

princesses, huh?

-I'm so sorry I can't

be there.

Somebody changed my plans.

-What do you say?

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-You're so welcome.

Have the best night ever.

-Thanks, McKenna.

Bye.

-Look at these bracelets!

-Hey.

-Oh, peanuts.

-Uh, guys are coming around

8:
00, so, whenever.

-Can I have a chip?

-Yeah.

-I'll be gone.

-OK.

-Have fun.

-I'm here, I'm here, I'm here,

I'm here, I'm here.

-What's up, my friend?

-What's going on, my friend?

-Yeah, it's good to see you.

-That case looks so sinister.

-Isn't it?

-Well, there's guns in here.

I'm just--

-There's guns in here.

-That's gonna be on

you, potentially.

-Why?

-You know why.

-I didn't--

I didn't know that was you.

I cut him off. 'm sorry.

-Are we ready to descend

to the gambling house?

-Are these fingerlings?

-Rach, are you seeing this?

-Oh, it's beautiful.

-So, this is where we

will Women and Wine.

-It's very French, right?

Is that what we're

going for here?

The only thing that's

not French, no

kidding, is the piano.

It was my grandfather's--

-Somebody had a five.

-F*** you.

-So now it's to him, because

he's left of the dealer.

[chattering]

-Man, f***.

You're betting a million

dollars.

It should be pronounced

"yuca," as in Yucatan.

-Well, I guess it's in

most tequilas and--

-It's 7:
59.

7:
59.

-Can I ask a question?

-Where'd the f*** that f***ing

ante come from?

-Jennifer's into guys who are

approximately 100 pounds

overweight.

-They are full figured women.

-Seriously, dude.

Rachel found her.

-Rachel found her.

-Yeah.

-We should have a

toast, ladies.

-OK, let's toast it up.

-We should have a toast!

-To long marriages.

-And long--

-Long marriage!

-And children.

-Cheers.

-Wait, wait, wait.

This is, we have to look

each other in the eye.

-What?

-We did.

We have to go like this.

-This is

We don't do it.

-So make it real.

OK.

It's just something she

read in "Real Simple."

-She's making everyone

have these moments.

-OK.

I'm sorry, but--

-I'm so glad.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-But, speaking of which,

if you want to go--

-Jennie.

-Hi.

-Jennie.

-Speaking of, you want to--

I'm looking at you.

-No, you need to look at her.

You need to hold her hand.

-I just looked at her!

Oh my god.

[laughter]

[laughter]

-When you get home and you take

off those things, there's

There's no elegant way

to pull them off.

And your whole body just--

-Pot's getting too

good, right?

Remember you used to be

able to smoke a joint?

You smoke your joint

now, you die.

-Hi.

-Hello.

-Hey.

-Hi.

-Thought you were going out?

-Oh, I changed my mind.

Look at this.

You guys need company?

-Yeah.

Yeah, all right.

-There was a thing that--

-Stephanie, why are

you not drinking?

-I know that normally I am a

borderline alcoholic, but, I

wasn't gonna tell you

guys, I am preggers.

I'm p It was a total surprise.

-Oh, my god.

-Yeah, so anyway--

-Oh, my god!

-Amazing.

Oh, you guys are gonna

have two kids?

That's good for me!

Oh my god!

You're trying to get

mad about three.

-Yeah.

-Not me, said Logan.

-OK.

-Anyway.

-That is awesome.

-Wow.

-Congratulations.

-That is, I mean--

-Congratulations.

-Thank you guys, Thank

you so much.

Thank you.

-When are you due?

-March.

-Wow.

-Thank you.

-Has anybody here wondered what

their aborted children

would be like?

-Oh, my god.

-What is happening right now?

Have we all not had-- who's

had an abortion here?

And We've all--

-Who hasn't?

-Yeah.

-We've all had the abortion.

-I f***ed so many people

in my 20's, you guys.

It's like, all I did

was f*** people.

-Everybody f***ed everybody.

-Exactly.

-That's why you have 20's.

-That's why you have

your 20's.

I f***ed the sh*t

out of my 20's.

-The 20's are for f***ing.

-Thank you!

-And they're for asking your

parents for money.

-I want to hear about

everybody's abortions!

-Guys, it's not gonna be--

it's not gonna be

a super late night.

So we should wrap it up.

Who wants another drink?

-This is--

-I will, uh, I would

love a little bit.

Thank you, darling.

-I'm gonna go get

us some whiskey.

I'll see you guys in a minute.

Don't you dare look

at my cards.

-We will not.

-That would never happen.

-We will not look

at your cards.

-Everything but her cards.

-Did she just go

get us drinks?

She's the best nanny

in the world.

-So I was a freshman at USC.

-Oh, god.

-I was in my first week, and I

was in my dorm room, getting

ready for my sorority rush,

because that's what all the

cool kids were doing.

And this guy, oh my god,

was it Mike or John?

-No names.

-John.

Mike?

-Where is this going?

-Not anywhere good.

-I f***ing don't

know his name.

-He just came walking on

into my dorm room.

-Anyway, it happened, and--

didn't even knock on

my dorm room door.

-OK, I definitely don't like

where this is going.

-Yeah, but he came in, he

told me I was pretty.

And made me feel really

sorry for him.

-And then he, and then

he raped you.

-Started kissing me.

-Is that where this is going?

You guys, it's not-- this

is not a rape story!

-It sounds a whole lot

like a rape story.

-I literally just like-- that's

what s college is.

-This is--

-Nobody asks in college!

-Could we just pretend like

it's my baby shower?

I think that's appropriate.

-It wasn't like a stranger,

you guys.

We met in the cafeteria.

-Oh, god.

-What is going on with

you tonight?

-No, we managed to get through

this f***ing amazing thing

they used to serve.

Oh, my god.

It was like this foamy, light

green, whipped jello sh*t with

like--

-Oh, I remember that.

What was that?

-What was that called?

-Fantasia.

-It's Ambrosia.

-It was Ambrosia.

-It was Ambrosia.

-You're doing it.

-I make that all the time.

-You still make it?

-Where do you get the recipe

for something like that?

-She got it from her bubba.

-She just--

-In my head.

-What's your secret?

-Um, there's really no secret.

You just put stuff in it.

It's jello, and then you just

add whatever you have.

You know, fruit.

Nuts.

-You put nuts in the jello?

You can put nuts in there.

Cherries.

Uh--

-Nuts?

-Yeah.

Oh, stop it.

Would you stop it?

-When you bite down on a

piece of jello, you're

not expecting a nut.

That's what I'm saying.

-So I got pregnant

by this kid.

-Oh, god, we're still on it.

-And then I had to go

back home to my

parents' house in Chicago.

Had to go to the local clinic.

Got an abortion!

-Did your parents know?

-Yeah.

My mom knew.

-I had to literally stay home

the rest of my freshman year,

and I missed my Freshman year.

Didn't even go back to f***ing

USC, because I

couldn't face that kid.

Well No!

So I just stayed home on

my parents' couch.

I watched soap operas for

a year of my life.

My god.

Oh, my god, you guys.

Soap operas.

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