Afula Express Page #3

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How many people have you met

who gave up on their dreams?

Like my grandmother...

She waited for her love to return

from America, but he never did.

Then she met my grandfather.

He was nice, so she said "why not?"

She lived with "Grandpa Why Not"

and waited for "Mr. America."

And my father? He had

a real talent for painting.

Do you think she spared him

a lifetime of "why not's?"

She said:
"Be a mechanic

and paint in your spare time."

Who can paint after breaking

their ass in grease all day?

So he didn't say "why not."

He just moaned.

And what did he do to me?

He made me become a mechanic, too.

Being a mechanic is fine,

if you want to be a mechanic,

but I hated it.

So what did I do?

I became a damn mechanic!

I became a mechanic

and sighed all day.

And that's how we watched TV

together every evening:

Grandma said "why not,"

Dad moaned, and I sighed.

My Mom ran around

cooking all day saying:

"As long as there's good food,

everything's fine."

Then one day my father didn't

come home from work.

I was worried,

so I ran back to the garage.

He was lying in a

puddle of grease.

He died in the place that

he hated most. It was a heart attack.

I swore then and there that

it wouldn't happen to me.

I swore...

But I had a responsibility

to the family.

So I stayed at the garage.

I figured it was my fate.

Until you drove your wreck in

filled with flowers.

I said you needed a magician,

not a mechanic.

You said "Shut up and fix it!

I'm in a hurry!"

What a tough redhead!

When I gave you the bill,

you gave me a flower.

That's when it hit me.

Life doesn't have to be

so shitty.

Don't you see, Batya?

You're a part of all of this.

I'm sorry about what

happened with the box.

They asked for my help.

Hey! What's with the suitcases?

The bastard threw you out?

You're running away?

Way to go, sister!

You have a place to go?

Cat got your tongue, huh?

You can stay with me.

We can hang out, drink coffee.

We don't have to talk.

Cry together.

Whatever you want.

Seior Bueno. -How are you?

Can you watch my stuff? -Sure.

Did you ask your husband?

He's not my husband, ok?!

We were living in sin

and now it's over!

So enough with

your prayer services!

Vicky!

I'm coming up!

You want quality,

you have to pay.

Hey, buddy, eyes only!

Hands in your pocket!

You touch it, you buy it!

Sorry, sir.

I have problems

with my dumb apprentice.

He thinks he's hot sh*t.

-I know the problem.

Slydini, I have to go.

I have a big show tonight

in Kfar Saba.

Coming to the union meeting?

-Thursday? -Five sharp.

About the union meeting,

can I come, too?

-You want to be a magician?

Yes, Shimon's my friend.

He sent me here.

The Romanian? -Yeah

-If you pass the test,

you're in the union.

-Is it a must? -Yeah.

How much is that sword?

$150.00 -Can I see it?

You know the difference

between illusion and magic? -No.

Watch the right hand, the left,

with my sleeve, cigarette then...

What's this?

You want the sword?

How about installments?

No. -Slydini, let me out!

I can't take it!

In a few minutes...

Signature and phone

number, please.

That's it. Your card's full.

-What's that?

I saved the coupons for you.

Just mail it in.

You saved them for me?

-Yes.

Here, take it.

Pack your bags.

What? -Looks like you could

us a weekend in Turkey.

Believe me,

that's not enough.

Thanks.

Bye

-Bye

She's so beautiful. -Yeah.

What's your name?

-Dandy the Magician. -Specialty?

Illusions.

A little bit more lighter fluid.

My first union audition.

What's so funny?

Shut up!

Keep going!

Next. -Next!

-Why are you shouting?

My name is Issace Twiggy.

And I specialize in Rock and Twist.

Watch it!

Watch where you're

going, a**hole!

One, two, and go!

This is just the warm-up.

Four, five...

-Vicky, I'm dying

Quiet! Higher!

7 and 8...

Now the other leg...

I should just go back to Afula

and forget it.

Spread and stop talking

about Afula!

If you go back,

you're screwed forever.

I'll tell you what you need.

- A new love.

A young stud,

who'll make you forget

your name and Davy's.

I've been with Davy for years.

Been! Past tense!

You never cheated on

the magician? -I swear.

He's a better magician

than I though.

You never wanted

to try something else?

Not really. -Who are you kidding?

Swear you won't tell?! -I Swear.

Remember Mr. Microwave Meals?

The tall guy from the market?

You want a spin in his micro?

-Shut up a second!

I saved all his coupons for him.

Coupons! That's serious!

Just say:
"I love you,

my little coupon!"

Listen, you whacko! -So?

-He started flirting.

Turkey... "Pack your bags."

So I copied his phone number

from his Visa card.

No! You're great!

You have his phone number?

Where is it? Let's call!

You're nuts! What's a guy

like that want with me?!

The same thing happened

to Sandra!

Who's Sandra?

-Your ignorance shocks me.

The girl from "Celeste."

I can't believe you're

talking to me about a TV soap!

Listen to the story:

Sandra was this guy's maid.

She was madly in love with him,

but thought she wasn't

good enough for him.

When his wife died in a plane crash,

Sandra broke down and

confessed her love.

She decided to leave because

she couldn't take anymore.

Just when she was leaving,

he jumped on her and kissed her.

He was in love with her too!

All those years!

Say it in Spanish:

"Yair, I'm mad about you!"

You whacko, listen to this!

Say I have my guitar... -Batya!

I can't find my key!

Got a spare?

Let him sleep outside.

-That's not nice.

I'll be right down!

Sorry I just... -It's okay.

Living with the swinger?

-Stop, she's my friend.

I auditioned today for

the magician's union. -Great.

I blew it. -I'm sorry.

It's okay. My agent will

get me a few Bar Mitzvahs.

I'll audition again

in 3 months. -Great.

My Mom's Snow White. Great.

Grandma's a slut. Great. -Stop!

Don't be so polite,

it doesn't suit you!

I'll copy the key. -Keep it.

Let's start over, Dingbat.

Be my girlfriend.

Forget it and

don't cal me Dingbat!

B*tch!

Damn magician's union...

Damn magician's union...

"Keep the key..."

"Keep the key..."

Who the hell cares!

He's in bad shape.

You can't go on

living his life.

I know, but it's hard.

Know what this situation

calls for?

New clothes, a new hairdo.

Hey, I have an idea!

I'm singing in this club

tomorrow. Come.

We'll get drunk, go nuts...

Just you and me.

Remember "The Bold and the Beautiful:"

"Tomorrow is another day"

Where did I find you?

I want to protect you and me

We've had a hard day

The light's on in the other room

Someone's crying, but it's not me.

Know who you remind me of, Davy?

A Romanian magician

named Rado Montilano.

He had six fingers on one hand.

An extra one right here.

He was ashamed of it,

so he'd hide it up his sleeve.

Then he realized that with

that extra finger

he could do tricks

that nobody else could.

He became a great magician.

Worked all over Europe,

until one day, he was sitting

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