Afula Express Page #4

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next to another magician,

who saw him pick his nose

with that finger.

Word got out about his extra

finger and he never worked again.

I can't breathe

in these pants!

Women don't need air.

You look hot!

Really? How are the curls?

-Fabulous!

Liar! -Let my tits fall off

if I'm lying! -What?!

Let my tits fall off if I'm

lying. -That's amazing!

What? -I had a friend

in high school...

Aren't you Miri Agababa's sister?

-Yeah!

You know my sister?! -Yes!

I told you I knew you!

Wow! Give me a hug!

Vicky... -What?

-That's him! -Who?

Yair, the guy with the coupons.

-Wow!

He's hot. You have good taste.

Well? -Well what?

Well what? Go talk to him.

Are you nuts?

-It's "now or ever."

Don't worry.

I'm right behind you.

So, the big drawing's

next week. -Excuse me?

The coupons...

Turkey...

I didn't recognize you.

We got a curly "pernanent."

I'm just used to seeing you

behind your counter.

I do leave it sometimes.

Like Larry King.

So it seems.

I have to run.

Didn't recognize me...

I'm such a dingbat!

Ugly sh*t! -Stop, Vicky!

What a nerd. He's probably gay!

I'm late for my shift.

Wait!

Don't forget my show tonight.

We'll get drunk and have fun. -Yeah...

I bet Ashdod wins the

game this week.

I have to win big now.

Hey, buddy! Come here!

Pick a winning team for us.

With my luck,

you'd better pick yourself.

A face like that must

be good luck.

A pack of L&M's.

Hey sh*t, instead of booking

shows you're stuffing your face!

Watching you eat makes

me sick to my stomach.

Look who's talking?

The screw-up magician.

If I knew you were so funny, I'd

have booked you as a comedian.

Pig! Talking with

your mouth full!

Keep it up and you're fired.

Fired? I'm here to tell

you I quit!

F*** off! -F*** your mother!

You owe me for the Yemenites!

The Yemenites don't want to pay.

They're suing for mental anguish.

You ruined their jubilee.

They said you brought a cow

in a mini-skirt.

I'll kill you!

Hey, what the f***'s going on over there?

You f***ing idiots!

Stop that sh*t, right now!

I mean right now!

...right now!

Get the f*** out of my place.

All right, that's it!

Both of you!

Get the f*** out!

...you mother f***ers!

Every f***ing night it's the same sh*t!

Get out of the building!

All right, that's it!

Get the f*** out, and stay out!

Don't come back!

Sh*t!

F***!

Son of a b*tch!

Only a**holes hang out here!

Wait Chaim, I'll get you!

Son of a b*tch!

The street lights are out

You look tired, let's go to sleep

The lights are on

in the other room

Someone's crying, but it's not me.

I want to protect you and me

We've had a hard day

Outside the rain is falling,

while you cry

You cry...

You need a woman?

I do. But she doesn't need me.

I don't understand.

Are you a new immigrant? -Yes.

How's Israel? -I don't understand.

-I'm just kidding.

What's your name? -Natasha.

You're familiar.

Where are you from? -Chernobyl.

Holy sh*t!

You have a black eye.

-Yes I do. -Why?

My manager punched me. -Manager?

I'm what you call a magician.

Abra Cadabra, Hocus Focus...

-Hocus Pocus...

Yeah, I'm a great hocus pocus.

I can do anything you want.

What do you want the most?

Me?

America. -America!

Even in American

they want America.

Look at me.

Do this...

Now I know where I know you from.

You clean our building.

You're moving up in the world.

You want?

I want.

I just don't know what.

Good night. Chernobyl Natasha.

I'm not really a magician.

Come on, Afula. Forget him.

-Let's go.

Don't worry, Vic.

Sure you're doing

the right thing? -It's time.

All because of the guy

on the bike? -Not at all.

Then what? David

-Not just him.

You still love him? -It'll pass.

Cut the crap. Go back to him.

You'll work it out in a second.

-Like Sandra on the soap?

No, Vicky. You were right.

I'm Afula.

I want a husband,

a house, kids...

the whole mess.

I wanted it with David,

but it didn't work out.

That's what I want.

Sound awful?

Sounds great!

Victoria, if you wander

by Afula, drop in.

We'll drink coffee, cry together,

whatever you want.

I'll miss you.

Yeah, sure...

I've been looking all over

for you.

I never thought you'd come back.

I'm back.

What are you doing here?!

I've found inner peace

and salvation. -You're crazy!

Look at you!

You look like a pimp

in an old age home. -Stop!

You're in a synagogue!

Don't you have any fear of God?

I have a God. And guess what?

He's Bulgarian!

Now he's Bulgarian?!

-Watch your mouth! -Let's go.

Come or I'll yell that I saw you

eat pork on Yom Kippur!

Now let's go.

-What's come over you?

Take it. -stop! You know

I'm terrible at this stuff.

What's with you?

You sound like a spoiled girl.

-You saw me!

You know how bad I am!

-Bad? You're terrible!

Then lay off!

-Pick a card!

Okay, now remember it. Shuffle.

You're so bad it's an art!

-I've had enough of you.

Is this your card?

Wow! You proved you're great

and I stink!

Exactly! -Go to hell.

Why do you talk like that?

-That's how I talk.

Where is hell? -Leave me alone.

-Where is it?

No good. Take the other one.

Don't piss me off, Shimon!

-So where is hell?

I'm warning you!

Here. -Thanks

-Thank you too.

You're pissing me off!

Don't make me punch an old man!

Come on!

Are you crazy?

-You come on!

I'll kick your ass!

Are you nuts?!

You're out of your mind!

You want to be a magician

or a flamenco dancer?

Don't f*** with me!

I'm warning you!

You want some more?

My name is David Montoya.

Prepare to die.

You killed my ego.

David, you can't escape it.

You were born to be number two.

Your sister's number two.

Don't be nervous, David.

Bring out the pigeon.

No problem.

okay

Here it comes...

Where is it? Did you eat it?

Let me show you!

Not like that! Give me that!

What a duo! -Duo?

-We'll make a great team!

I'll be the magician.

You be the moron.

I'm not going on stage

as a moron!

That's life! Turn your minus

into a plus!

Think we'll ever appear in Afula?

Afula will look like Hiroshima

when we're done there.

What should we call ourselves?

"The Fire & Cracker Magic Show"

A little higher.

Guys, this is us!

Come see us!

"The Fire & Cracker Show"

Kibbutz Beit Kama.

The 28th at 8PM.

Not less than $200.

$235, not including gas.

It's a deal.

Davy, you're great!

Afula's on the left.

Don't worry, we'll get there.

We used to stand on these hills,

and fantasize.

I pretended I was a famous singer,

and he pretended to be a great performer...

He grew up in this town.

As a kid he was always,

one of the gang. A real joker...

He was a plump kid,

with red cheeks, blue eyes...

little blond curls.

A good boy. He got along

with the other kids.

As a kid, he was very shy.

He was a real nerd

when he was young.

Fat, but nice.

-Now he's a somebody.

Shut up! -Why? It's true!

Nothing to be ashamed of!

Shimon and David?

Shimon's old now,

but he was a great magician.

He and his wife traveled around

in an old truck.

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