Agatha Raisin and the Quiche of Death Page #4

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My husband was

of the old school, sir.

Very proud.

He would have been embarrassed

to have been thought so vulnerable.

Do you need a glass of water,

Mrs. Cummings-Browne?

I think we'll adjourn.

Murderer!

I did not murder anyone!

It was Mr Economides.

I didn't murder anyone either!

If you hadn't cheated,

Andy would still be alive.

Stop it, Sheila.

Go back to London!

Mrs. Josephs! I'm so sorry, Agatha.

You should come to church on Sunday.

Nobody ever died in the village

before you arrived.

Are you OK? Come on.

Everybody hates me.

It'll die down.

You know, a while ago,

someone ran over the pub cat,

and after a couple of years

of hate mail and graffiti,

and dog poo thrown at their house

every night, people moved on.

A couple of years?!

With that report from his doctor,

the Coroner's going to find

accidental death.

The cowbane obviously got into

the spinach accidentally.

No-one's to blame.

But it might be an idea

to go and stay with friends

this weekend, Agatha.

Just to let all the emotion

die down.

I can't, because my only friend

is coming to me this weekend.

I wouldn't be seen dead in there,

to be honest.

Sorry! Oh!

Thank God you're here!

It can't be that bad.

It is. I have never been so hated.

That can't be true.

Think of how it was in London.

And I love you too(!)

Then why don't you sell up

and move away?

Because I don't want to move away!

I want to live here.

I've always wanted to live here.

And anyway, I've nowhere else to go.

Ah.

Hi, I'm Steve. Hi, Steve.

Think of it positively, Aggie.

You've already cheated,

been burgled, killed someone,

and been wanted by the police.

It's plain sailing from here.

At least you've made a mark.

Yes, what did

The Boston Strangler say?

"Better to be wanted for murder

than not to be wanted at all. "

This is really not helping.

And have you found a man yet?

Any frolicking farmers

caught your eye? Not a sausage.

It is idyllic here, Aggie.

You cannot leave.

Is there any cowbane here?

It doesn't grow in gardens.

So where does it grow?

Among the regular vegetables?

No, it's a marshy plant.

I looked it up.

How many hamburgers can you eat?

So how did a marshy plant get

harvested with spinach? That's odd.

It's not the only thing that's odd.

How come nobody else

has dropped dead?

How come none of the other

deli customers have died,

or was it just in the one quiche?

Excuse me!

That smoke is blowing

all over my garden,

and my brother and I

are trying to have tea.

Is this your annoying neighbour?

Yep. Pipe down and go away.

Are you going to allow him

talk to me like that?

Er... yeah.

Sheila, just leave it.

Did anyone want

Cummings-Browne dead?

Me! After he cheated me out of

winning the quiche competition.

Apart from you.

It was my quiche.

Maybe it was meant for me!

Who'd like to see you dead?

I would! Sheila!

But who knew I'd throw a strop

and abandon it if I didn't win?

Anyone who has spent two minutes

in your company. I'm being serious.

Excuse me. The smoke

is quite intense.

I wonder if you'd mind

moving the barbecue

to the other side of the garden?

Sure. Yes.

Thank you.

I thought you said there were no

attractive men in the village?

The thing is, we had to submit

the quiche to the competition

the night before.

So what's to stop someone

baking a quiche with cowbane...

.. and swapping them! If they wanted

Andy Cummings-Browne dead.

But who wanted him dead?

This is redemption, Agatha.

You prove there's a murderer

in this village

and people will stop blaming you.

You'll be respected.

You might even be liked.

Let's get to work.

Cheers, everybody.

So who would have known about

Andy's high blood pressure?

His wife!

Exactly. Yet, at the inquest,

she said she didn't know about it.

Which is bollocks.

Totally bollocks. Who else?

Why do people want to commit murder?

Money, sex, jealousy, shame,

because someone borrows your

favourite T-shirt without asking

and spills orange juice down it.

I've apologised for that

so many times.

Sex!

He was definitely a player.

He tried to pick me up

the first day I met him.

So we know he's not discerning.

Why would you use quiche

as a murder weapon?

Why not just hit him on the head

or chop him into little pieces

with an axe?

Because it's significant.

How, Roy? How is it significant?

Come on! Why is it significant?

Because...

why did the same woman win

the quiche competition every year?

With an inferior quiche.

What's the story there?

What IS the story there?

How the hell do I know?

Were they having an affair?

How the hell do I know?

Well, I'm going to find out.

.. are fatal without Christ...

I thought you looked thirsty, Ella.

Oh, it's the Big Poisoner.

You must have known

Andy Cummings-Browne well.

Winning all those competitions.

What have you heard?

Nothing.

I was just thinking about Andy.

Andy was lovely.

He weren't the only one

in the village in a lonely marriage.

Did he and Jo not get on?

It was her what had all the cash.

He said she made him jump through

hoops just to get drinking money.

All he had was his Army pension

and that didn't go far.

He used to say, "Ella," he'd say,

"One of these days, I'm going to

wring that woman's neck

"and get rid of her

once and for all. "

When did he tell you this? Well...

You were shagging him!

Did Jo know?

No, I'm not...

I'm not saying any more.

Just tell me if his wife knew.

No, I don't... And you're...

I don't like your questions, missus!

I'm coming through. Excuse me.

Hello, Mrs. Raisin.

Would love to!

He's fallen for it!

Look!

Oh, no! He's still in there!

Just a minute!

I've been looking for you,

young man. Yes?

I want to tell you

what I really think.

I'd love to hear that, Agatha.

Right.

Look at Jo Cummings-Browne. OK.

Now, if I was doing the PR

for a murder,

that's exactly what I'd advise.

I'd get the normally prim and proper

Mrs. Cummings-Browne

to look dishevelled,

like she's suffering,

because it's impossible

to think badly about someone

when they look like

they're suffering.

I'm sorry, are you accusing

Mrs. Cummings-Browne

of murdering her husband?

Why not? He was shagging

Ella Cartwright.

You don't know that.

She just told me. Oh.

Jo could easily have baked a

substitute quiche and fed it to him.

No! No, no! The first person

police check

in a suspicious death is the spouse.

We checked her bins,

we checked her kitchen,

and no baking had been done there

for days.

But if she'd found out

about him having an affair...

Agatha. Agatha...

Bill. Bill, I know people.

I know how they work,

and I've made very good money

out of it for a long time.

Agatha, no-one holds you responsible

for Andy's death.

Yes, they do.

No, they don't. No-one. No-one does.

Stop playing detective.

Excuse me!

Sorry... could I have a sip of that?

Could you get me a cola?

The wages of sin...

How did the Miss Marpling go?

I charged over to the police

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