Age of Summerhood Page #3

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Sweet, sleepy warmth

of summer nights,

Gazing at the distant lights

In the starry sky.

Here's your ice hot stuff.

Go.

Councillors on the docks.

Now.

Ok. Well, yes we're fine...

The councillors are going

to change the time.

Genetic boots and you jump over

the high tower.

I can't get around.

Mr. Popular.

Heads up.

Art Lady sends her best.

Yeah!

Makin' babies tonight!

I didn't make this.

Although I will

take the art lady.

You're not the Fetus?

It's not mine.

What's up, Raincoats?

I can't go on the canoe trip.

I'm allergic.

Yeah?

You're healed.

Woo!

I'm normal!

Violation of privacy!

Hey, Teen Wolf,

you went eight-point-oh.

Talk me down.

It wasn't mine.

Yeah?

You wrecked someone else's?

Just send me home.

Yeah, for what?

Littering?

Just leave it.

I broke my own heart.

Kid, you're taking

the fun out of High School.

Is it girls?

I can help.

Is it guys?

I mean like, the guys, or...

or guys?

That's cool.

Is it guys?

It was mine.

But you can't tell.

Doctor/Patient privilege.

Okay, we know

what your dad does.

I just told you

that so you can't punish me.

Heartbreak, man,

you're punished yourself.

Great.

Great.

Child.

New Kid.

New Kid.

Having a good summer?

Yeah.

I always have a good summer.

You've been here before?

Yeah.

But you're the New Kid?

Yeah.

Mmm.

Morning campers.

Hide it, hide it.

Guess what today is?

It's send-a-camper-home day.

Yeah.

Last night...

someone got out of this cabin

and thought it would be very

funny to poop in a canoe.

You think that's funny, huh?

Zip it, boys.

Button it!

Now...

it's disgusting.

We don't do that at this camp,

we don't do that here.

And.

I'm very unhappy.

You blame us for everything!

You're guilty of everything.

Uh, guilty means proof,

and you never have any.

Really?

Shyza.

Busted.

Okay, Hirshfeld, let's go.

Come on.

You don't know

which one's Hirshfeld?

Flyball. You're a Hirshfeld.

Come on, let's go.

Just testing.

Casper?

Let's go.

You're a Hirschfeld.

Let's go.

Who pooped in the canoe?

Toast?

No, not you.

I know your father.

You don't know their names?

Yes Careless,

I know their names.

There's "Plays with guns".

"Farts in bed"

and "Has a big problem with...

meat".

I don't know, they change

every day, the names.

I meant their real names.

Fine no, I don't know

their real names.

What are their real names?

I don't know their fake names.

That's great.

That's really funny.

Doogie Howser, hold up.

You know Hirshfeld?

Uh...

Flyball?

You sure?

There's name tags

on their clothes.

Name tags on their clothes.

All right, let me see your

clothes...

Abe come in! We have a 4-4-2

at the Monkey Bin.

Bas, I'm with the laundry.

Laundry.

On your beds!

What's your name?

Mud.

Shh!

What's his name?

- I think it's Mud, Sir.

- It is not Mud, Sir.

Bas?

Do you know Hirshfeld?

I know the father.

Which one's Hirshfeld.

Well...

The father looks like that one.

Bas...

Should uh, boys so naked

be this close together?

Nurse.

Doctor.

- Take off your shirt.

- No.

- Do it!

- No!

Do it for science?

Uh, Careless?

Wrong section, yeah?

Stay in your section.

Oh.

Kill me.

Good question.

Baby.

Oh, hi stud.

How you doing?

I'm leaving you with child.

How are you?

Next.

Hey.

I am a Greek Lord!

Next!

Hey!

That's. The "No" zone.

Next!

My mom made that.

So.

What are the rules Careless?

Fire in the hole!

No rules.

We mean,

how do you want to run this?

I do not.

So you're saying,

that I could take this ball,

and throw it at Mitch,

and you wouldn't stop me?

- Nope.

- Yes!

Ha-ha!

Die!

Stop!

What are you doing?

You're going out?

But...

don't you have to stay here?

Until you're fake asleep?

What about your job?

People keep saying that.

Yes.

Okay over there?

Okay.

Great.

Toast, you're on kitchen.

Why?

You knocked a kid

from the rafters.

You didn't stop me?

In life.

You are going to be alone.

A lot.

And a bad idea.

Eh...

always gonna be a bad idea.

My father is the Chairman,

you know.

Be good.

Lick bag.

Excuse me?

You heard me say it.

Lick bag.

You know, those big neon signs

that say "Lick bag"

subtitled in French,

Lick Le Baggage!

I like it.

- Still on kitchen.

- Get your sh*t off the bed!

Get it off!

It's not your bed!

Get it off, you ass wipe!

Get it off!

You idiot!

You black-haired ass wipe!

Get it off!

I will kill you!

I will take a knife,

rip your stomach open,

and feed your heart to yourself!

I will take your intestines out,

strangle you,

and then whip you with it!

Then hang you!

Get them off!

Faster!

Faster! Faster!

Steve was an angry kid.

But only because his best friend

wasn't there.

That was Willy's bed.

That is Willy's bed, you idiot.

But Willy wasn't coming

to camp this summer.

His father passed away

before camp,

and there was no way

Willy could come.

No one called him.

No one wrote.

No one visited.

What did we know?

We were kids.

Even though he couldn't

come to camp,

I'm sure he'd like to have known

that we saved his bed.

So if you're out there Willy,

and you're watching,

even though you couldn't

come to camp that summer,

we saved you a bed.

I thought you'd like to know.

- Hello.

- Hey babe.

All right.

Sometimes in life you may think

you deserve something,

but you don't.

I'm losing my job.

Ah well, the job, the woman,

you're lousy at both.

Thank you.

You know, for somebody

as cocky as you are,

I'd think about that.

Those kids, they...

they think you're a legend,

a God, so...

Be one.

Christ.

That's funny.

Come on, Abe.

This is unacceptable.

It's not funny.

That is... that is... that is in

poor taste, is what that is.

That's... Oh, great.

Hey, this.

No not funny.

Sick, yes.

Bad taste, yes.

Not funny.

And you know what?

There's no place for that

at this camp.

So, you want to play,

you want to do me,

you want to do the whole thing?

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

I can keep up with you.

Okay?

Don't do that kind of stuff,

because it's not

good for the kids.

It's... no place at the camp

for the kids, and...

and you're a bad influence

on the kids here.

So just uh...

What are you doing?

This is not yours.

This is illegal, what you're doing.

Abe, is it me?

You know, 'cause here's the

problem,

I'm trying to do this

all by myself,

seems like it's

all on my shoulders!

It's sick!

It's sick!

The whole thing.

You smell like poop.

I get headaches.

From the parents, the kids.

My slutty daughters,

who God forbid

they should make a baby here,

the kid could have 10 fathers!

If the uh, kid comes out

her ass, it's mine.

Careless.

No more headaches.

You need a Handjob.

Get that fixed.

Reckless, Piss off!

Fartbag, I'm busy.

Hi.

Hey.

Listen to the cool noise

I can make with my lips.

Who're you writing?

Uh, a letter to my Mom.

Cool, let's hear it.

Okay, um...

"Dear Mom.

I'm having a great time here.

It's really hot,

and I went canoeing.

This year, they let me fish and I caught

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