Age of Summerhood Page #4

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the biggest bass you've ever seen.

And uh, all my friends are here,

except Willy.

And uh, Sundae's here, too.

She's pretty like you.

Love, Fetus."

You really like your mom.

I like your mom, too.

I need something.

Fetus, Fetus,

Sundae-Sundae Fetus!

Everybody out!

Back to your cabins!

Oh, Fetus, you should have seen

your expression.

Lights off!

First Base...

Shut up!

First Base...

First Base...

Woo.

Yes!

You suck ass!

Relax.

We're gonna be legends, right?

How? Huh?

Come on.

You want the girl instead?

Okay sure,

I'll get you the girl.

Clickety-click Barba-trick.

I was furious. But desperate.

And about to put my dreams

into the hands of a boy

we nicknamed "Reckless."

And even as I did it.

I wished that I knew better.

All right, where'd we leave off?

We haven't started yet.

Ah yes.

The Fetus.

You know, only if you want to.

That's not right.

You're up, Carmen.

No way, pig.

Okay, whatever.

You know, your loss.

Fine, whatever.

Yeah right.

Wow.

That was just plain horrifying.

I need to blow my nose.

That was sick.

Sundae, you're up.

Let's do this!

I can make you a Legend.

Set it up, get the girl.

Clickety-click.

I'm all over it.

And suddenly I was back.

Ready to tear Red's head off.

But the rage was gone.

Heartbreak, what's up?

It happened.

He screwed up again.

In my mind.

I saw it all in a blink.

What?

In a fit of rage, I'd evolved.

Heartbreak, what's up?

I just...

I just developed foresight.

I can think things through.

What's that like?

It hurts.

You're my friend.

But your thoughtless.

Like Toast.

No.

Not like Toast.

You're just mean, I think.

You know what?

I don't need you for this.

Well...

we don't need you for this!

Don't even come near me!

In my mind it happened.

That always stuck with me.

Considering what

I said to Reckless,

I thought it best

we spend time apart.

It's too bad that didn't happen.

You're crowding the base.

Oh, you want space Heartbreak?

Okay, you got it.

Honeymoon's over?

Sh*t.

Good swing, good swing.

How's it going boys?

Okay.

Game on.

Come on guys!

I gotta make past first to score!

Come on!

Oh, taking it past

first base are we now?

Pig.

Just cause I get it

don't make me a pig.

Girls you get are like buffets.

Anyone can eat.

Oh, at least I'm getting served.

Second hand cars are cheaper.

Okay, sure thing, first Base.

Toast.

Finish this.

Go ahead.

It's all yours.

Come on, Toast, same thing!

Later pig.

Get on the ground, Trauma!

Get the ball, fartbag!

Get the ball!

Take 2nd!

Take 2nd!

Out at 2nd!

You're out.

And I was out.

Yo, New Kid.

It's Noah.

Noah.

No one's is

getting in that bag but you.

Then why?

I get to play.

I have stress.

Yeah...

I come to camp to lose stress,

but now there's new stress.

So when I leave camp,

I'll have to go to camp.

You know what I'm saying?

No.

All right.

I like a girl, But...

It's like I'm not allowed to.

I mean...

no one's perfect,

but she's perfect for me.

I need a good pitch.

I mean, if Toast is strong,

and Reckless is funny

and Grandpa's smart,

then I'm thoughtful.

But...

that doesn't pow,

like a home run.

I need punch to get the girl.

I just don't know how she feels.

How do you feel?

I don't know.

I just, uh...

I like her a lot.

Does she make you stupid?

No.

You're in for a treat.

Heartbreak,

there's two kinds of women.

Ones that make us nervous.

And ones that make us better.

The ones that make you stupid,

make you nervous, make you puke.

The ones that make you better,

they'll make you strong.

You know, wise and funny.

Find the right girl,

she'll make you a king.

Then you won't be thinking

others can do,

'cause you'll be He-Man.

Interesting.

Then how do I get her?

You've got her.

Explain.

Well...

wanting's most of the work.

I mean, want it enough

and your body'll figure it out.

It's like,

you want to move your feet?

You think it.

Want the girl?

Just...

think it.

Your body will

handle the details.

That's...

that's nature.

That's what happens.

Oh, I see.

You think too much.

Kids don't think.

Kids do.

I think.

I don't.

Kid, you got my brain.

What would your brain do next?

What if I told her

how pretty she was?

Boo!

Why?

Eh, girls don't think

they're pretty.

Girls think other girls

are pretty, so.

A, she won't believe you.

And B, now you're a liar.

I'm a liar?

Oh yeah.

Worst kind.

What kind is that?

The innocent.

All right, repeat after me.

"She's Not Pretty"

She's not pretty.

Like this, like this.

She no pretty.

No pretty.

No pretty!

No pretty.

No pretty!

She no pretty.

Not Pretty!

What's left?

Um, I wrote her a letter.

Lazy.

What if I read it?

Creepy!

Just give her the big speech.

Girls love the big speech.

You know, what's the kiss worth?

What would you trade for it?

I like what I've got.

You're losing somethin' kid.

That's the deal.

Put them all under the bed.

Put them under Careless' bed.

No one's going to look there.

Is he trustworthy enough though?

I don't know man.

I don't know the guy that well.

Hey Boys.

Hey Careless.

Where you been?

Been out.

Yeah?

What you got there?

We stole all the Brooms.

All the brooms from where?

From everywhere.

Where's everywhere?

Everywhere there was a broom?

You got all the brooms?

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

You're fired.

They ran out of brooms.

You're fired too.

Back off you slut!

You... you jackass!

Strike!

What the hell was that?

Are you trying to kill... no.

No, no, that was a ball.

That was a ball.

Strike three.

That was a ball.

That was definitely a ball.

You're out.

Fetus, it was

right over the plate.

You left your bat.

Nice swingin' though.

Trouble getting to first base?

Hey.

I'm Careless.

I'm lousy at my job,

and lousy with girls.

Something you want to say?

Doesn't really know

I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you

Shhh.

I'm doing something.

I'm all out of love

What am I without you

Last ups!

It can't be too late

To say that I was so wrong

He can't hit!

Say that again.

He can't hit.

This should be good.

Did you sleep

with my girlfriend?

Which one?

All right Fetus,

here comes the lollipop.

All right? Here it comes.

Are you watching?

Strike.

God!

Come on.

Strike two!

Oh, come on.

Let it hit you!

Ball one.

Yes!

Over the fence, Fetus.

Run, Fetus, run!

Woo-hoo!

Run!

Good job!

I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

Figure out what you're gonna

say to the girl?

Yep.

All right.

You're about ten feet away from

cashing in that home run.

I'm gonna go back to my cabin.

Someday I'll be 80, with kids,

who have kids.

And I'll still play the moment

when Sundae took my hand.

Ah, Mud!

Your clothes smell like ass.

You're face smells like ass.

I will kick you

in the baby maker!

I lost my pube!

You thought you had a pube

until you pissed out of it.

Red Pubes!

Black Pubes!

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