Airplane II: The Sequel Page #11

MARY:

(to Ted)

And you, sir?

TED:

(distracted)

Oh... Popular Electronics.

Mary hands him the POP ELEC. He opens it. The magazine

sparks and smokes. ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Ted.

SUPER:
PSYCHIATRIST

PSYCHIATRIST:

You must admit that you're sick, Ted.

(echo)

Sick Ted, sick Ted...

The Psychiatrist looks around for the source of the echo.

LOSE SUPER.

TEXAN:

(to Ted)

Wanta switch when we're finished?

Ted gets up and moves past the TEXAN, handing him the POP

ELEC.

TED:

Here. I need some oxygen.

INT. COCKPIT

Simon stands over Elaine's shoulder looking at ROK.

SIMON:

Have you got it straightened out now?

ELAINE:

I think so.

SIMON:

That's my girl.

He sits down. Elaine flips a switch on the computer.

ANGLE ON ROK'S PULSATING EYE

ROK:

Elaine, I'm sorry about that little

outburst a moment ago.

ELAINE:

That's okay, ROK.

ROK:

Can I say something of a personal nature

to you?

ELAINE:

Go ahead.

ROK:

You have great tits.

Elaine gasps.

ELAINE:

(getting up)

Simon, I'm going to check ROK's secondary

readout unit.

SIMON:

Roger.

SFX:
INTERCOM BELL.

OVEUR:

(on intercom)

Yes, Mary?

INT. CABIN - FOOD PREPARATION AREA

Mary is on intercom.

MARY:

Would you like a little breakfast, Captain

Oveur? Over.

INT. COCKPIT

OVEUR:

A couple eggs and juice would be nice,

Mary. Over.

MARY (V.O.)

(on intercom)

How would you like your eggs, Captain?

Over.

OVEUR:

No. Poached. Over.

MARY (V.O.)

(on intercom)

Poached and over, Captain Oveur? Over.

OVEUR:

Just poached on toast. Over.

INT. CABIN - PREPARATION AREA

MARY:

(on intercom)

I don't think we do poached eggs on toast

over, Captain Oveur. Over.

INT. COCKPIT

OVEUR:

That's how I want them. Poached. Over.

MARY:

All right, Captain Oveur. Over.

OVEUR:

Poached! Not over! Over!

INT. WASHROOM

Ted breathes deeply on an oxygen unit. He stops, but we

still hear deep breathing. LOOSEN to find Father O'Flanagan

smoking a joint. He smiles and leaves.

INT. CABIN

Joe Salucci clutches his attache case and wipes his brow.

Mary leans over him.

MARY:

You should really put that case in the

compartment above your head, sir.

JOE:

(nervously)

That's okay.

MARY:

(touching his shoulder)

I can help you if you can't get it up.

JOE:

I said, no!

Mary leaves, giving him a worried look.

ANGLE ON THE WILSONS

Jimmy holds his dog.

JIMMY:

I sure an glad they let Scraps ride up

here with us.

JOHN:

I bet Scraps is going to love Mercury.

JIMMY:

Do you think things will be a lot

different on Mercury, Dad?

JOHN:

It's going to be terrific. A whole new

world, new kids to play with.

ALICE:

You're going to love it, Jimmy.

JIMMY:

No more headlines about the rape trial and

the fraud charges?

JOHN:

(starts to twitch)

How many kids get a chance to live on

another planet.

JIMMY:

No more kids yelling, 'Your old man's a

thieving rapist'?

JOHN:

(grabbing Jimmy)

Look, a man can make an honest mistake!!

Anyway, she was asking for it! They're

all asking for it all the time!!

ALICE (V.O.)

Not John's irregularity again.

INT. WASHROOM

Ted throws water on his face, wipes it off with a towel

while staring into himself in the mirror. He sees the

Psychiatrist in the mirror. The Psychiatrist also washes

up.

PSYCHIATRIST:

You must admit that you're sick, Ted...

sick, Ted... sick, Ted...

The Psychiatrist looks for the echo.

LOSE Psychiatrist. Ted throws the paper towel into the

toilet, and flushes. The toilet sparks and smokes and keeps

running. The running gets more intense as Ted tries to stop

it by hitting the handle.

SFX:
JAWS THEME.

INSERT - ROK'S PULSATING EYE

BACK TO SCENE:

Ted has to hold himself back as the suction builds in force.

He is just able to escape and shut the door behind him.

INT. CABIN - OUTSIDE TOILET

Ted leans his back against the door and breathes heavily.

INT. COCKPIT

DUNN:

We seem to have a malfunction in disposal

unit four, sir.

OVEUR:

You better check it, Unger.

UGER:

(getting up)

Done.

DUNN:

Yes?

INT. CABIN - OUTSIDE TOILET

Ted spots Elaine coming.

TED:

Elaine.

ELAINE:

Ted. I don't know why you got on this

flight. I don't know what you're trying

to prove.

TED:

Elaine, we have to go back.

ELAINE:

We can't go back. We had something very

special, but it's all over.

TED:

Elaine, I mean the mission has to be

aborted. This ship should never have

passed FSA inspection. This thing is held

together by string and chewing gum.

A cupboard door, labeled "EMERGENCY USE ONLY," swings open

behind Elaine revealing shelves of gum and string. Elaine

shuts it without looking inside.

MUSIC:
DRAMATIC STING.

ELAINE:

Ted, get a grip on yourself. You should

never have left the hospital.

TED:

Then you do think I'm insane.

ELAINE:

I've never used the word insane, Ted.

TED:

(facetiously)

What word would you use, Elaine?

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