Airplane II: The Sequel Page #12

ELAINE:

The word is sick. Ted -- very, very, very

sick.

TED:

What would you say if I told you the

toilet just blew up in my face.

ELAINE:

I'd use the word insane.

TED:

There's something dangerously wrong with

this ship, Elaine. I know its the wiring.

That toilet's just the tip of the iceberg.

ELAINE:

Ted, a toilet's not going to kill anyone.

Elaine leaves.

INT. TOILET

MUSIC:
JAWS THEME.

Unger jiggles the handle of the running toilet. Suddenly it

sucks in towels, etc. Unger is pulled down. He fights

back, grabbing onto towel rack that comes out of the wall.

INSERT - SIGN - "DO NOT THROW LARGE OBJECTS IN TOILET"

INT. CABIN

The Texan with Talmud is now trying to wrap himself in

tfilin.

ANGLE ON TED:

Ted walks down the aisle checking overhead panels. He spots

a panel that is half open. A sign on the door reads,

"DANGER -- VACUUM". Ted opens it and a Hoover falls out on

his head, cutting him. He holds a hanky to the wound and

passes by Stella's seat.

STELLA:

You've been hurt.

TED:

I'm getting over it. If a relationship

isn't working, you can't force it.

STELLA:

No, I mean your head. Sit down. I'll

take a look at it. I'm a nurse.

Ted sits down and Stella starts patching him up.

STELLA:

Do you want to talk about it.

TED:

I opened this panel and a vacuum cleaner

hit me.

STELLA:

No. I mean your relationship.

TED:

We were in love but I'm not sure I know

what love is anymore.

STELLA:

Love's the same as it always was. It's

people who change.

TED:

People change in relation to each other.

Love changes on its own.

STELLA:

Not if the people change together in

relation to that love.

TED:

Sure. But that's only when the love

itself goes unchanged.

STELLA:

Then the relationship remains the same and

the love changes only when there's change

in the two people who share that love.

TED:

I just wish it was that simple. We really

were in love. You know how it is when you

laugh all the time.

Stella looks to her Father who is reading MORTUARY WORLD

magazine.

STELLA:

No. It's hard to L-A-U-G-H when your

father's dying.

TED:

Well, we laughed. We laughed all the

time.

DISSOLVE TO:

TED AND ELAINE IN A FIELD OF DAISIES - DAY

They run towards each other. Elaine grabs Ted by the waist,

picks him up and swings him around in SLOW MOTION. They

laugh.

TED (V.O.)

We laughed when times were good.

EXT. GRAVESIDE - RAINY DAY

The grave is surrounded by mourners in black with umbrellas.

We PAN the weeping crowd until we get to Ted and Elaine.

They are also dressed in black and drenched. He holds her

high by the waist, twirls her around as they laugh.

TED (V.O.)

Even when times weren't so good, we still

laughed.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

They are locked in each other's arms in the middle of

lovemaking and laughing heir heads off.

TED (V.O.)

But most of all, we laughed when we felt

closest to each other.

DISSOLVE BACK TO:

INT. CABIN - TED AND STELLA

TED:

That's our story.

Passengers are standing. They hiss and throw vege­tables at

Ted.

INT. COCKPIT

Dunn checks a red flashing light on his panel.

DUNN:

(to Oveur)

Sir, I've got an overload in disposal unit

four.

OVEUR:

You better check on it, Mr. Dunn. I'll

stay here and fly the ship.

Dunn gets up.

OVEUR:

Dunn.

DUNN:

Sir?

OVEUR:

You better take this.

Oveur throws him a plunger and gives him a thumbs up. They

exchange that "man must do what a man must do" smile. Mary

enters with Jimmy Wilson -- carrying Scraps.

MARY:

Mind if Jimmy here takes a look around,

Captain?

OVUER:

Of course not. Come on in, Jimmy.

(checking his navigational

screen)

That's strange.

Simon leans over Oveur's shoulder.

SIMON:

Now what?

Scraps looks at Oveur. Jimmy looks at the array of dials,

etc.

OVEUR:

That's an asteroid field. There shouldn't

be anything like that in this sector

unless...

Scraps looks at Simon.

SIMON:

Unless?

Scraps looks at Oveur.

OVEUR:

Unless those sunspots are interfering with

our scanner or...

Scraps looks at Simon.

SIMON:

Or?

Scraps looks at Oveur.

OVEUR:

Or we're off course, but...

Scraps looks at Simon.

SIMON:

But?

Scraps looks at Oveur.

OVEUR:

But we couldn't be off course. Our

coordinates are computer-locked barring...

Scraps looks at Simon.

SIMON:

Barring?

Scraps looks at Oveur.

OVEUR:

Barring a computer failure. There was

talk of sub-par wiring in this ship. I

hope that's just talk.

MUSIC:
DRAMATIC STING.

Scraps' ears prick up.

Simon moves past Jimmy, stops at the door and downs a

handful of anti-fear pills before leaving.

OVEUR:

Come on up, Jimmy. Say, that's some

puppy. What's his name?

JIMMY:

Scraps.

OVEUR:

Can I hold him?

JIMMY:

(handing over Scraps)

Sure.

OVEUR:

(holding him up and looking at

his underbelly)

He's a boy dog.

JIMMY:

Yeah.

OVEUR:

Do you like it when Scraps sleeps on his

back, Jimmy?

INT. CABIN

Ted and Stella. Stella is feeding her father and listening

to Ted.

TED:

They kept me in the asylum for eight

months. I know everyone in those places

claims they're sane, but I was different,

I was sane.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote